Substituting one drug for another

[vicarz]

When times were really bad, I drank a lot. I didn't think I drank a lot until later. I knew I drank most every night, but it was only 1-4 drinks (usually on the low side). I knew drinking simply made me feel better - it turns off pain. It numbs, makes you feel less, makes the soothing rage closer than the dwelling pain. The introspection decreases. Mostly, it just releases endorphins and you just feel pleasure. or less pain.

I stopped drinking so much (snip). Since then, I've engaged on a veritable mission in the gym - to which the goals I'm not sure. I have been working out a lot, even for me. More often, less long. I'm researching working out far more. Working out helps me grow and makes me a better...better at what? Stronger for what? It turns off pain by masking it with more other pain. It releases endorphins. It's artificial.

This is artificial. Typing on LJ doesn't make me any less alone, or my words heard. I do learn things from here, but I think I let myself vent on this piece of crap too much when more dissatisfaction might yield more activity (that may or may not be healthy). I've typed for years - to what end? What friends did I make? Lovers? Insights gained? Does this help me grow or prevent growth? Does it matter? Aw fuck...

Comments

[grymnir.livejournal.com]

From my vantage, looking at what you've written since I started following your rants, vents, and tossings, I'd put it this way:
When you work something out, or incorporate comments with consideration that question your views or positions, you grow and learn and change.
When you purely vent, it is the equivalent of a distraction and endorphin burn. It would be disingenuous for you to say that you have not gained from the interaction, and at times, the outlet for various tensions and even anxieties.

It is not artificial in the sense that it IS a broadening of your world beyond the foreshortened perspective of your bed, your apartment, and the scenes you flit between.

You have gained a number of insights...but you are also a work in progress, much as most of us, and it is a shift marked by many transitions. So, since you're probably at the gym now, hen you get back, if you read this, stop for a moment and consider...what do you want to accomplish? A degree, a weight-range, a body-fat-ratio, notches in the bedpost are ephemeral measures and really mean very little other than a snapshot of where you are in your progression. Is it that you want to create something? Is it that you wish to promote change or make a social impact on a small, large, or global scale? Is your true anxiety one of confronting your lingering doubts that you can match up to that ambition you don't let out for anyone, including those with whom you have a relationship, see?

Pain is a response. It is also caused by a lack.

[predigested.livejournal.com]

Welcome to the state of Nihilism. Enjoy your stay. If enjoyment of an abstract can be said to exist...

[greekphilosophy.livejournal.com]

I hear you.

[nofcna.livejournal.com]

I like LJ because it can be anything you want/need it to be. Then again, I approach life as an existentialist. There is no point to anything. All the accomplishments and life you've had so far comes from your own rationalization/reasonings to make it worth while. You make them matter.

I grew up in a Buddhist environment. The first thing I learned as a kid is that life is pain. there is no escaping that. With that view, your main reason to live is to make your life as comfortable as possible, substituting one drug for another to make life more bearable. It's exhausting. It's a mind-set.

What's wrong with just BE? it's also a mind-set.

are you still flu-ing? Hope you feel better. I went out socializing at the club for the first time since being sick.

[cweaselle.livejournal.com]

Sometimes people need a break from whatever is bothering them. When I get that way I go bother the people at the Pizza resturant. Your workouts are your adiction. I think that everyone has one, but at least yours is healthy.

[have-inner-lady.livejournal.com]

Even in-person contact is artificial. Ultimately, we are just a thought in the dark with a bunch of chemical and neurological connections.

On the other hand, fiction and not-so-non-fiction are both quite enjoyable. And there is no reason to suffer existence if it can, instead, be savored.

I frankly don't care if it's all fake.

[virgogirl.livejournal.com]

some personal guidelines for myself:

get over thyself i.e. relax, this has all been done before

have compassion and don't be hard on people: starting with me

give up trying to figure it all out. when i find myself doing this, i start over at "get over thyself"

if it makes any difference, or even if it doesn't, from a selfish standpoint it's been really nice being in contact with you again. one more person whose face i recognise that smiles at us when you come on by the market, one more blip amongst all the blips of human lives that i can say shines brighter for me than the others who don't know me at all. it's cool to see you and have had some conversation with you during the week.

i think it's man's nature to want to connect...if anything lj gets us back to our roots as humans who want to share and just know there are people "out there". i wouldn't think of it as some waste of time. it doesn't necessarily "get you" more "real" friends etc, but it can give you a broader perspective of life that can help you in the everyday.

[wikkidgothbabe.livejournal.com]

i totally understand...
i used to go through about 2 of the HUGE gallon (3 litre) jugs of Merlot a week.
Now...
*Maybe* i'll have a glass of wine if i go out.