Accidental Troll

I'm happy to report not much. I've been bad about reading...seeing the girl daily I think an emotional need I had is met, making me less interested in reporting and monitoring here. I feel less alone writing? I don't miss feeling alone. It hurts.

The gym is fun - I lost a lot of time being sick, but not really any gains. I just realized I'm coming up on a year since surgery (I may do a labral tear update in case any of those folks still follow, one posted a picture of her scars). I've passed all but one max and am pain free. Pain free - it's incredible.

My only stopping / lame issue is my overhead press. I got stuck at 155 somehow, so I've done a reset to lower weight to increase 5 lbs a month with the theory my body will get used to increases again instead of just hammering on volume at the same weight. My bench is a bit stuck too, but on both I'm spending more time developing my back and fixing form. I also use a very narrow grip due to enormous elbow pain, and I'm trying to return to a more normal grip or at least experiment to see how that impacts the lift.

Gains - it's a silly chorus strength people chant, but a good one. If you're not getting gains, stfu as you're not improving and all your knowledge is not producing measurable change. Lots of people debate various aspects of what makes you stronger, but if you're not able to apply your brilliance, you might as well be the old guy swinging his legs on the yogaballs. So me and gains - I'm making them slowly, which is fine. At the 1-year mark it's maybe time to look at my gains in light of setbacks, and consider goal setting. What do I want to do? How much time do I want to train and eat specific things? How much restriction on drinking is worth x gains? What is the benefit from strength x? How the hell do I work running or cadio ability into this mess, and do I really need to? What should my goals be?

Gym - been working out with the girl a lot as she's over her surgery and in recovery for real mode. We hit Ballston a lot as it's often convenient. Plus is parking and near everythingism, downside is dudes in there are huge and squatting 315 or deadlifting ... I've seen guys repping 600 in there. I do meet people there, 2 weeks a go a white haired fit dude who was repping 315 with pauses and perfect form, last week a 17 year old guy who was front-squatting 225. As you are in the same place you are likely to make friends seeing the same folks doing the same things. Fun.

I finally bought weightlifting shoes but don't feel any different.

House:
Needless to say I did not move in last weekend. I don't think I'll be moving this, not even partial. There aren't stairs though they've started putting them in, there isn't heat, a/c, or hot water. No sinks, though water runs in the tub (and possibly the shower). Master shower needs a glass wall. The fan was set to turn on with the light, so I reminded him ohhellno the fan must be operable without the light. No kitchen other than the floor, no living room floor, no powder room, no closet or doors under stairs...what is happening?

Every day you can see work but it's always small. I know he lost staff, but I show up and see painted doors and frames, cleaned bricks, all the materials moved into the basement...it looks like it is close to done but never really moves forward. I was going to move in September.

Moving is something I sort of dread too. Another reason to move in stages is security - I need the house to be safe for stuff before I move things there, though I'm considering just not having things worth stealing. My grandfather's rifle isn't worth $150, but is priceless to me and someone breaking into a home would likely steal a .22 bolt rifle however worthless it is as a weapon. I have to get net access, cable (and due to triple play I guess a phone line still, which I like) but I can't plan when I never have an accurate move date. Then I need a security system with video...but I don't know what to get, who to pay to monitor, and I'm not about to put something in there before I live there.

Work is going splendidly. That big CA hearing I did is my one heartburn - waiting for that decision and I care a lot.

One product remaining of my labral tear reconstruction surgery is I spend a bunch of time around the stretching mats. This means I get to see a lot of special gym snowflakes who are more advanced than people using free weights, lever machine weights, or even cable-pull machines. I get to see the sit-up crunching arm swing masters, ball bouncers and swingers (what a party), and beached dolphin formnitions.

At Rosslyn, I stretch by the GHR machine. http://www.bodybuilding.com/exercises/detail/view/name/glute-ham-raise
People constantly get on the thing and...do sit ups. They hang in the air and do sit ups, so they’re literally upside-down on the thing. Worse, this is...really easy to do. I suppose you could make it like a reverse leg lift, but rather than keep the core extended and stable, they hunch up, swing their arms, and basically hurl their head towards their feet. Do people not feel momentum? Don’t people notice the lack of muscle soreness in their abs when they’re done? Isn’t this like the middle-school sit-up where you brace your feet so if you do a lot of “sit-ups,” rather than sore abs your quads get tired?

The most frequently done-wrong exercises seem to center around sit-ups (#1 by a wide margin), push ups (use dumbbells and alternate hands!), and leg press (extensions are close). Sit-ups are done by people who haven’t yet discovered the concept of fat reduction, who think somehow the fat around their belly will magically fuel their flopping-leg-ups into washboards. With a machine, there are countless ways to do things wrong - but most wrongs involve repeated clanking the machine, which would otherwise be noiseless if the thing were used properly.

I think a great key to “Am I an idiot in the gym” would have to be “Have I seen anyone do what I’m doing in competitions in the past 20 years,” or “Have I seen anyone do this, like this, in the gym within the last 5 years.” I mean old school is awesome, but it’s still being done. I know the gym takes a lot of research, and I’m not great about doing the research either, but it’s just always stunning to me how people stay stupid so long.

It’s like politics.

I did it wrong for a long time too. I worked out in a gym of morons, doing incline bench press on a universal machine - there were no free weights. Then when that gym closed, I moved to another and became MASTER OF THE SMITH MACHINE. On the plus side, I saw a white haired man with big muscles working out, making me realize age != death; additionally I felt strong and realized I liked sticking out as strong. A major upside was dating a gym instructor (briefly) and getting a LOT of free coaching from staff (great gym contract). The downside was doing it wrong, more times, for a long time. The final upside was they installed a free weight rack and I discovered...I sucked. It took time but I realized free weights were better than my “big weights lifted with help” philosophy.

The fact I used to do leg press, smith machine, and other idiotic-misplaced-ego-makers is why I’m so intolerant of that lunacy today I’m sure.

But it’s amusing to see all the doingitwrong crowd. They’re a diverse racial community, but homogenous no terms of age and gender - middle-aged to old men.

Oh, how is my hip besides swishy? I think I’m stronger than before surgery and nearly as flexible. I’m now at the point it’s hard to do this stretchy shit because I feel...competent. It’s been so long I’ve forgotten that it used to hurt when I lifted weights.

Somewhere between my friend blowing by and being hundreds of pounds stronger, while much of the time I’m hundreds of pounds of lifting stronger than people around me, I realize that what I do is a silly hobby that is no better than running, swimming, or anything else athletic. Once upon a time I liked strength training because the workouts were short...now it can be 2 hours in the gym alone, plus recovery time of much, much more. It’s pointless but my hobby nonetheless.

Ok I haven't used this in a while...labia jokes!

I did see the ortho, and the issue on my "good" side was a minor hamstring strain. So yes, I overdid it trying to recover. So I switched from GHR to romanian deadlifts, dropped the weight, and am trying to stupid just a little less.

I'm still doing my yogashit (tm) rehab exercises, and I'm kind of used to it. I. Look. Stupid. Well, until I go over and do tiny weights, then bigger weights, then respectable weights for a tiny little person. While I'm doing yogashit (tm) I get to watch people doing sit-ups on the GHR machine.

So...I forget I had surgery. I'm not 100% but I'm really close. My right hip is still not as flexible as the other, but it's close, and neither is really flexible.

Scars - I haven't really talked about them much. One is almost gone, and the other is much better. I can still make it hurt by really digging my finger in it...you MIGHT ask why I would do that, but I keep wanting to break the tissue down like a muscle and get it back to normal. For a scar it's nothing, but no scar would be better. I could lie and say I was stabbed, growing up poor like I did. We used to fight with knives before guns were so cheap. We'd throw bullets at one another because we couldn't afford guns.

But...yeah, totally worth it. I feel like most of my "rehab" issues are just getting back from the break from the gym. I'm bringing up my volume and with that my stamina, and lifting is starting to feel normal again. I think I'm getting better as going to nothing and starting over I found some major form flaws that I'm trying to correct now.

I read some horrific experiences about labral tear recovery and those people said it was worth it. My ride was cake by comparison. Why...that I don't know. I do know they used robots and my surgeon had done thousands before.

I'm not feeling guilty about not writing. My eljay / rzn mafia subscription is about to auto-pay, and I'm going to pay even while I question the value of this venue for me. I like writing. I like keeping track of my life and thoughts. I also collect my fingernails into little rows of labeled jars...

House:
I'll be visiting today, but as of my last visit (with Veronica) more walls are up, the attic stairs are installed, and the flooring is started in the upstairs. Jordan put down subflooring (plywood?) over the floorboards, then a layer of foamy plastic (I forget the name, something like quietfloor) to make it even quieter (I also put insulation in the floor/ceiling for that purpose - remember this whole design is about rental income, so reducing sources of potential conflict seems key). The slab is started in the basement but not done yet - still just the back. I'm not sure when the utilities will be done, putting windows and doors in (and that's a big deal, to me), re-making a door - utility room - and new-egress window in the basement (plus some bricks down there look awful) PLUS doing bars for security...oh and regrading the back yard...it seems a lot of work.

As exciting as that is, it's also kind of all that is going on. A lot of it is a holding pattern. I'm happy Jordan sends me pictures at key points.

Other house:
Another 2 br in our area, fully renovated, just went on the market for $338k...we'll see how that goes. The price is fair but sales lately are not good - if this goes for that or higher it would be a nice bump (and an overdue one).

My labia (hey I haven't said that in a while): I'm confused. I'm definitely getting strong, recovering my strength, but something is wrong on the other side. I was ok doing deadlifts for 345 the other day, but the next day my left (other) hip was sore to the point it was painful to bend over to tie my shoe. This is essentially the problem I had on the surgery side (rt) or feels like it, but not as bad. So I'm not sure if I'm symmetrically fucked up and will need surgery AGAIN, if I should just take it easy, or if I should run to the doc to find out (M's advice, not wrong but I'm not sure I'm there yet). I'm keeping an eye on it and should be free to skip at least the DL. I noticed my squat did NOT seem impacted, so it is different.

Today I'm going to freak day at the zoo, after doing squats (after having stayed in last night for a date-night with beer, tv, and me) so I will have to take it easy anyway so I can waddle around for hours.

I don't write about real life much; real thoughts, as fb take the flash communication urges, and I do have a private life (or the parts that involve others are private). Wait, why apologize?

A position has opened up to be an EEOC Administrative Judge in the DC area. Sadly it's only GS-14, so it means if I were to get the position it would...actually hamper my career a little bit. I mean on the one side it's "up" as I'd be a Judge-like-creature, but on the other hand it's a dead-end which narrows my litigation experience to 1 of the 3 fields in which I now work, and I'd be so new the moving up would be very, very slow. On the major plus side I'd be able to do some good - making fair decisions based on the law in a world where so many incompetent racist boobs are ruling against Agencies "just because" with regularity (at taxpayer tremendous expense). I may apply anyway but I'm not necessarily interested - I do have a former coworker I'll tell about the position (though she's very info-adept so she probably knows) because she wants to be a judge (a real one, not this low-level joke) and it could help with that, while she's also smart and fair.

Oh my job is busy but going very well. The girlfriend's career makes me a little self-conscious about my lack of goal-direction, but the more I see her efforts the happier I am with my decisions for me. I'm a hard-working lazy person who cares about his career but not much! I think I'd be proud of my work if I was a line cook.

Oh Baltimore...went to b'more with Janna yesterday, starting in Canton with free-comic book day (more and more black comic fans, more and more black skaters, I like this merging of cultures!), trolling for weird things and furniture (oh hipster prices, ouch), then going to b'more proper (well gay-mecca b'more) having lunch in Trinacria behind boarded up windows (there were only a few broken windows, but they boarded up after the first round of problems) where I noticed an employee looked like what most people would expect from a looter. Also, they had a LOT of $5 bottles of wine. That's a cheap and efficient way to get a buzz on.
(Trinacria is a new sandwich place by an Italian group that has run a grocery store in a not-good area for ages and ages, they say over 100 years and I believe it)

From there we also walked up Mt. Vernon and I caught up with a lot of changes in the area since I had been there last. We passed city cafe, past the still-not-open eden's lounge, to hit a new furniture store with expensive but highly fashionable (waygay) items throughout. In that place
Fox version: a large black male with unkempt afro-hair approached us in military styled boots
an adorbs mica-grad poet-looking guy talked to us when he liked my d-20 shirt, exchanged gaming focus areas, and swapped contact info as he does both gaming and art for games. He liked my shirt, I liked his boots, his hair was big while his voice was warm. Oh Mt. Vernon.
(not a big deal, but I felt like I had to share with the Fox version as I narrated our encounter to Janna as we walked away). We then hit brewer's art for a bit...curious as a couple cute guys ordered food next to us and then disappeared for a LONG time before returning (we wondered if they had walked out for some reason)...I'm convinced they had bathroom sex (ew but they were cute...but still ew). We then checked out the old fire station by Iggy's pizza and confirmed it is being brew-pub'd up, as there were brew-tanks in the now-clear space inside.

Part of me is thinking the "riots" will lead to temporarily even cheaper property, and Mt. Vernon is still pretty. The commute though, egads.

Today will be a different zoo trip than with Veronica later...I am on a mission to trek the side of the zoo closest to her house as we hear them bellowing in the morning and night. She tells me they're zebras - they sound like mules. My theory is when they see us together, and hear us talking, they'll gather in groups, point, and say "omg that's totally them!" before they ask us to keep it down.

So on the plus side, I'm really busy with good things. On the other, I'm so-so-so tired.

I'm just getting close enough to real weights to be tired and having to be careful on what I do. Minor gym note to point out progress and lack thereof:
Deadlifted 315 for 5 with no real problem. However my grip was not strong enough for more than one overhand grip pull at that weight...maybe 2.
Squatted 225 for 5, and sadly it was not easy. I feel like squats have a lot more moving parts, and I haven't quite regained my stride on them yet. I was doing 275 for 5 when I could hit 315, so with a month to go on the recovery slope perhaps I don't need to rush. Curiously when I did 5x5 at 135 my legs were sore for days afterwards.
My OP and bench are kinda lame, but slowly coming back to life. I guess you really do need to do leg work to get upper body gains.

But it's starting to lightning and thunder outside. I might treat myself to the first storm of the season by standing in the big window to watch the explosions in my olympic wrestling suit.

(note I do not have a lot of happy icons, huh)

Visited the doc today - summarizing my very happy and exciting news so I don't waste too much lunch / paid work time:

1. No further visits prescribed unless I want them
2. I should keep in mind it's not just a recovery I'm dealing with, "I changed the mechanics of how your hip operates."
3. Running prescribed: 15 minutes, 2 minutes running with 2 minutes walking. Do not run 2 days in a row, and if I survive running without feeling pain the next day, up in 5 minute increments until I'm running 30 minutes in intervals. If I make it up to 30 minutes, then drop to 15 minutes and just run. Similarly, if I'm not sore the next day, up in 5 minute increments until I'm running 30 minutes.
4. LIFTING: allowed, suggested starting point is 50%. Also suggested is doing a 6-8 week program not based on my usual ability, but based on a programmed recovery to my former levels.
5. Note - does not currently recommend squatting beneath parallel / 90% knee. Works, I'm stiff enough I can hardly tie my goddamn shoe.

Theoretically I could be squatting 315 in 2 months. However, I'm also supposed to tone it down if I get not-good-pain.

Man who ate napoleon for breakfast happy he doesn't have to do the elliptical anymore.

I'm mostly walking fine even in the morning, but I have some areas I can't really move - I can't really cross the surgery leg over my knee, for instance (or imagine I can only do half a butterfly stretch). I walk up and down the escalator stairs. I still do most of my exercises most every day. I'm a lot more regular in the gym now, though it's 75% yogashit and cardio on the elliptical.

Today for the first time I tried deadlifts and almost had success. I picked up 135 and it was nothing (my form was awful, how quickly we forget). 185 was the same, and 225 felt fine but for the first time I could feel some minor exertion - so I figured I'd do like 5x5 to not over-exert myself.

Then I pulled a muscle in my back. In. My. Back.
I tried to wait another 5 minutes, but while I could lift the weight, there was no doubt I had a strain - so I bailed. I did some leg lifts, ab-wheel thingys, good-girl-bad-girl ab/induction work, and another 20 minutes of elliptical yawnage (hr only at 177 this time vs. 187) but ... called it a day and my back is still tired.

If I have to wait out another dumb back injury I might fucking cry. At 225? I mean I was going to be happy I could do something and thought I was being super cautious...

Hope this back thing is short-term, but I had strained my back (on the stupid leg press...what, what, what am I doing wrong!?) and only recovered from that recently.

I was trying to get back into my old program - not sure it's the best, but it seemed a good point to return to at least in the short term. I was trying to get into the old routine as much as I (safely) could before I'm released to actually train - but no, I hurt my back lifting the equivalent of a sack of kitchen trash.

Labral annoyance:
I survived doing leg press, including the part where I was doing 180 on the dumb machine while a woman beside me was doing 450 and change. Dignity is having dignity when your situation does not. I moved the "weight" up to 230 last time and still no noticeable ill effects; similarly I did the elliptical for 30 minutes with an incline of "10" and resistance of "5" with no ill effects (nor effort, HR showed at around 130). At 180/230 I do have some effort, and other than resistance/stiffness with the hip joint, I don't feel pain or problems from the effort - which I hope is good news.

I am waking up slightly stiff and sore, but I feel otherwise fine enough I kind of forget about the issue unless I accidentally spread my legs (shut-it!) such as when I get in or out of the car.

Speaking of, got the videos from pre-surgery (not sure others can see them).
315 for 2 kind of, I didn't quite hit depth (no wonder I did 2) though to my shock my ankles aren't a complete wobble-wreck...well the first lift was horrible, with my ankles what...an inch in the air? (facepalm)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-PqO6qIiyY&index=30&list=PL433D09AA3833EB15
Then there is this bench at 235 which looks like not much effort...instead of going for 2 I went 1 and tried 245 (which I failed).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbXZasApjXY&index=31&list=PL433D09AA3833EB15
If the vids don't work oh well - couldn't download and hopefully I make the moot some months in the future.

Gymbrah has now squatted 405. I truly hope I get good results in months rather than years presuming I can lift without "pain" in the injury sense. We argue about lifting shoes vs. my chucks and I think he's winning that argument.

House:
I showed up at the house to grab mail, and found a "stop work order." That sounds horrible, but it was from the area inspector noticing the dumpster permit expired back on 10/31/15. I notified the contractor. I thought the permits would potentially get ruled on the end of March, but the last email from the contractor says end of this month - we'll see. It's funny that one arm of the government is not processing our permits while another is lamenting the dumpster still being there, though it's understandable the permit was not supposed to allow us to kill 2-3 parking spaces for about a year?

Other house:
With the cold my poor heat pump is just not adequate, and I think the "aux" coil heat is destroyed as well. I recall an estimate some time ago for $2600 or 2700 to replace the inside part, but I'd much rather do this as a rental repair than a nondeductible issue...I should look up those costs in the IRS publications sometime. I'm getting wrecked on the elec bill though, and will be for some time.

I want to shovel my snow but it seems odd to head down there when my walk in the snow is potentially injurious, and it's likely the neighbors will shovel as they did in the past.

I'm happy to be busy a lot, but it doesn't make for good writing.

I just faced my first setback - a minor one I hope. I got the brace off and everything has felt normal - in fact the damn brace was causing more difficulty than help and without it on I rarely limp.

Over the weekend I was, perhaps, a bit reckless. Now I feel a pain, joint pain, way up on the inside of the hip. I feel fine until there is any kind of movement in the hip, particularly out (like bad-girls) and that motion is extremely weak. I noticed this before PT yesterday, more so afterwards, and I tried to do the exercises we did not do in PT and it hurt too much to (reasonably) continue.

I'm worried I won't be able to do my exercises today. I'll do what doesn't hurt. For the first time I'm really on the verge of a pain killer. Each time I get up I take a few steps to get moving, and I'm limping as the joint just hurts. Last night I slept on one side with -a pillow in between my legs- as prescribed by my PT. No seriously.

Non-labia news:
I'm insane. Life is happy, work is slow, but I'm having major focus problems. The big mental issue seems to be I'm feeling overwhelmed. I've remastered my calendar a little bit, shrunk multiple email inboxes, and made organized piles of things that need doing.

But it feels like too much all at once. Taxes are a mountain this year, in the office all I seem to do are tiny tasks while legal research and my large brief all sit by the wayside (a hearing outline is mostly done, however, but working on it for more than an hour is an elusive concept), I haven't figured out the DC permit process (it seems a catch 22, you need the COO to get a business license, but the license to be granted a COO - and they don't answer their phones and send C&P email responses)...all the things are easily manageable, yet I feel overwhelmed. Making investigative phone calls seem like the hardest thing in the world. "Why is the bar writing me claiming I didn't give them a tax id number when I know I returned those forms?" "How is it possible I missed 2 utility bills for my house - I _never_ miss payments, and on one I wrote "PAID" when my records show it wasn't!?"

I keep stalling - this post is stalling for emotional need. I think if I just had one more coffee I'd be energized. Just make it to lunch and I can take a nap and might wake up smarter. Maybe tomorrow I'll be more focused, just sleep tonight and it'll work itself out. But it keeps not being that day, that hour, that perfect level of stimulant. Chemicals and naps are not making me functional.

I wear my brace not because I think I need to, but because I fear if I do not I will do dumb things. This fear is well founded. I "let myself" play pandora's purity ring radio station (as liked and x'd by me for some time now) and it ('s like Kris' Santory time station?) makes me spin.

Emotions in bottles.

I joked in fb that I wanted to dance, but...I couldn't not. I got all spinny in my living room. Or Kungfuey. In any case, I was right - I'm not responsible enough.

I feel like the brace is overkill, but I get little reminders that I'm not fixed. I wear it more to remind me not to do things I think I can do, just in case there really is a reason, and because I'm ashamed that I was ashamemd to wear it so I make myself wear it as a fuckyou to shame.

But I couldn't not dance - seems safe enough, so my top came flying off and I spun around the damn living room while looking at the snow I'm not in. I bounced into my bedroom with the mirror and caught myself booty to flooring - then again. Then I noticed my hip getting tired.

Sigh. So, one of me was right; I'm not responsible enough to dance. I tried to just wiggle a little, but like a drink it was seductive and I slipped. Normal rules don't apply to me - I'm too fucking stupid. I'm also not fixed -
NOT BEING IN PAIN DOES NOT MEAN I'M HEALTHY