(no subject)

[vicarz]

She's all of 22...

The hill is full of 20-somethings - I'd hate to work there.
Age is weird. I've never cared about age, and now I guess I'm supposed to - though I don't think I ever will as anything but an afterthought. When I was 17 I didn't care, when I was 25, 30, 40...now I just hear about it from other people. I mean I can see age as an indicator of experience and maturity - but the association is so loose that I can't really take it seriously. Do I seem 40 to you? I think I dated a 40 something when I was 20...or was that 30? Probably dated a teenager around that time too - it really didn't matter. I suppose if you look at the things I value in a person, even in terms of looks, you'd find my taste has matured with age - but I don't think of age as the reason so it's odd to me to hear people use that as a criteria. This is USia - maturity is so rare that you should gravitate towards it where you can find it. Says the man with the sad-bunny t-shirt. I do know that for all my body is in the best shape of my life that my face is showing age - it's weird because I don't look at faces much, even my own. Is that what I look like?

Dood asked me to spot him yesterday. I had just happily deep squatted 255 for 10, I may be nearing a move-up in weight FINALLY. He was doing the same weight - as lunges. He noted that I couldn't really do anything if he had a problem, but he just wanted the illusion of assurance. He leg pressed as many weights as the machine could take on the bar. I don't think I'm catching up to him - still, my weight is going up and that makes me happy.

Heard a reference that I can only be taken in small doses. Huh. I'm blowing through more friends, or they me, and finding that again when I hold people to any kind of standard that I wind up spending far more time alone. I think my choice socially, lovers or friends, is whore or recluse with standards. Now, I probably should figure out something to do besides solitary activities when this happens, but honestly it hurts to shun or be shunned, and I often want to curl up when it's over. I always am left with the feeling that I'm lost from my tribe, and while I keep looking for them it's been too long to think I'd ever find them. Imagine Stellaluna without a happy ending - finding the bats only to discovery you're not a bat either. Typing LJ posts isn't going to do anything any more than playing video games alone at home.

Typing about things in LJ isn't doing anything though, perhaps it helps me organize my thoughts or find idiotic ones unavoidable when I look at them later. I do things, I did school, I do work, I keep going to the gym - but what actions to I take to get out of this rut? Or am I just wired this way and no matter what I do I'll be "stuck here?" That would be consistent with my life. Is there something I do or do I ooze a pheromone? I mean I know I could pretend to care about things I don't, sympathize for problems people make themselves and not give advice, smile, be reckless and fun...never ask for anything, care less or not at all. Just be pretty and fun - everybody loves that but me.

I fight the urge to run around clubs just in gear or half naked - don't need that attention, but at the same time I never get around to joining that running club, never get around to joining that hiking group...why not? Not volunteering in local charities or politics - what holds me back?

Comments

[samaritan1975.livejournal.com]

If you're anything like me, it's because you don't like the notion of commitment to a situation when you are aware of your own limits and/or when you want to test them. In a group, you all gravitate towards a median of effort... some of you are faster/stronger than others.

This is okay. My issue is that I'm afraid I'm either holding somebody back, or making somebody feel like they're not pushing if I'm faster.

Sometimes, I just like to clear my head. I like me time to do that- and running/working out falls under that. I'm able to achieve levels of clarity that I don't normally when I am dripping sweat and feeling my legs or abs burn. This is another reason why I miss martial arts/boxing/etc.

As for age- it's a number. It's trite, but I've met people who are extraordinarily self-reliant and mature who are a decade younger than me.

[turbogrrl.livejournal.com]

It's not trite, it's just missing part of the equation. The key is not whether someone is extraordinarily self-reliant and mature. The key is how much they are still going to grow. In an intimate relationship, it is more risky if one partner had done a significant part of their cogitating on life, and the other is just ramping up. If the relationship is founded knowing one person is likely to change a lot, that is one thing, but if you fall in love with someone and think that because they are mature they aren't going to change significantly, well, that's a recipe for heartbreak.

Consider the case of a mastiff puppy that falls in love with a corgie dog. No matter how much the mastiff might *wish* to stay at the same level as their beloved, they're going to grow. A lot. And their perspective will change. A lot. No help for it. They might still love the corgie, but the corgie might not be able to take the heartache of never being able to keep up.

[utforsker.livejournal.com]

In an intimate relationship, it is more risky if one partner had done a significant part of their cogitating on life, and the other is just ramping up. If the relationship is founded knowing one person is likely to change a lot, that is one thing,


Ooh, thanks for this.

Or so I think

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I think I am a corgie - you can tell coz I'm small but Ize gots big foots and an adult head. But I'm still small and cute.

[turbogrrl.livejournal.com]

And the Queen loves you! *low-ri-der*

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Always from http://shirt.woot.com/Friends.aspx?k=7038

[turbogrrl.livejournal.com]

Most people can only be taken in small doses. Turn it one its head- how many people that you know and even care a good deal about would you want to be around 24x7?

In terms of the exceedingly boolean nature of your interactions, though, I think it may be because you haven't really started working through which of your rigid filters are essential to you, and which are preferences; when you drop your filters you drop them all, and then when you've reached a level of comfort/satisfaction you just re-assert the filters.

And these interactions can be quite complex.

For example, I thought I could never date anyone larger than me. (limbic brain fear reaction, not really intellectually negotiable). Except, if I *actually* emotionally trust the person... no fear reaction. When I came up with that rule, I just hadn't met someone I felt completely emotionally safe with, so I had no clue that I could tolerate being physically vulnerable around someone.

Some things are nice-to-haves. Some things that are actually nice-to-haves masquerade as necessities, and life is all just a process of sorting it out. There's no one right answer (except for spelling "Arctic").

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I do have problems breaking out of black and white, good and evil, which is quite problematic. There is always a reason to reject people, and those decisions are easy to make once while "keep" is something always subject to re-evaluation.

I hate people. All people. Sometimes.

[turbogrrl.livejournal.com]

There was a very wise gentleman who helped build the internet, who postulated the following in terms of interoperability:

Be conservative in what you do; be liberal in what you accept from others.

— Jon Postel (1943-1998)

This is known as Postel's law. I've found it applies to more than just Internet protocols.

[joanarkham.livejournal.com]

I don't think the only two choices are "no standards" or "rigid standards".

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

[(Anonymous)]

*laugh*

i had a mentor - when i was just starting out doing government contracting - who always used to say:

"better is the enemy of good enough."

;)

-s

[blindtillnow.livejournal.com]

that was me btw....

(st00pid work computer)

-s

[vicar.livejournal.com]

The "couldn't work with 20somethings" was also saying she would never, ever, ever, return to government. She works for a university so it's not even like she got a real job...

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I've been trying to work on that for about 20 years now. Sigh.

[joanarkham.livejournal.com]

Yeah, me too. I'm lucky enough to have citizen_ken to remind me of it...although I don't always appreciate it at the time.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Yipes...sorry, LJ has been moody and I didn't see this well-thought-out reply until today!? I would have missed it entirely were it not for your reaction to the horrible winter card of death! Death! Beware!

I've known there is a sort of block for some time, and I always am trying to do something novel to get around it. So I assume there is something about me, something I do

And I don't, I don't think, I air this crap except to LJ and to friends - ie people I'm not going to fuck. It's hardly what I show to new people.

And I'll talk to you about Habitat. It actually sucked a lot more than I say - just another reminder that no matter what I do there is some sort of social formation that I'm not a part of. I'm able to tag along but not invited.

No solutions? Yeah that is kind of annoying to pose questions with no solutions or just shoot them all down - I ditched someone for that recently myself.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm afraid the "no matter what I do there is some sort of social formation that I'm not a part of" is true for most people, most of the time. Or at least most somewhat introverted people. It's not really a problem and it doesn't have a solution because it's pretty much all inside each of our heads.

Not that we each have more than one head. I mean, some of us might. Oh god, never mind.

[djpsyche.livejournal.com]

I was just thinking, based on how much older than me you were then, that you must be approaching that dreaded milestone... Don't worry, you've still got the abs of a 20-year-old, and the angst of a 14-year-old :)

[vicar.livejournal.com]

No secret - I'm 40.

[feistydiva.livejournal.com]

Typing LJ posts isn't going to do anything any more than playing video games alone at home.

While leafing through a Rolling Stone magazine at my therapist's office, I saw a Greyhound Bus Lines ad and had to tear it out because I really appreciated what it said. Part of it was to the effect of:

"Make sure the mark you leave on the world is not a dent in your sofa..."

Too true.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

This only requires have a place to go, you see.

[alumiere.livejournal.com]

22 isn't necessarily bad when you're 40, just that the age difference can sometimes be a bit challenging especially when you're at different places in your lives

that said, she's on my lj friends list and commented about dinner last weekend so you'll be able to find her in my post of a few weeks ago - chat or ask her out for coffee or dinner...

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Since I just did two posts about her, LJ linkage might look insane...