Most people can only be taken in small doses. Turn it one its head- how many people that you know and even care a good deal about would you want to be around 24x7?
In terms of the exceedingly boolean nature of your interactions, though, I think it may be because you haven't really started working through which of your rigid filters are essential to you, and which are preferences; when you drop your filters you drop them all, and then when you've reached a level of comfort/satisfaction you just re-assert the filters.
And these interactions can be quite complex.
For example, I thought I could never date anyone larger than me. (limbic brain fear reaction, not really intellectually negotiable). Except, if I *actually* emotionally trust the person... no fear reaction. When I came up with that rule, I just hadn't met someone I felt completely emotionally safe with, so I had no clue that I could tolerate being physically vulnerable around someone.
Some things are nice-to-haves. Some things that are actually nice-to-haves masquerade as necessities, and life is all just a process of sorting it out. There's no one right answer (except for spelling "Arctic").
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2008-12-15 02:29 pm (UTC)In terms of the exceedingly boolean nature of your interactions, though, I think it may be because you haven't really started working through which of your rigid filters are essential to you, and which are preferences; when you drop your filters you drop them all, and then when you've reached a level of comfort/satisfaction you just re-assert the filters.
And these interactions can be quite complex.
For example, I thought I could never date anyone larger than me. (limbic brain fear reaction, not really intellectually negotiable). Except, if I *actually* emotionally trust the person... no fear reaction. When I came up with that rule, I just hadn't met someone I felt completely emotionally safe with, so I had no clue that I could tolerate being physically vulnerable around someone.
Some things are nice-to-haves. Some things that are actually nice-to-haves masquerade as necessities, and life is all just a process of sorting it out. There's no one right answer (except for spelling "Arctic").