vicarz | (no subject)

SNL meme because more interactions in the office may make me snap (and I don't mean the "band" or a queen's retort)

This is easy - just post your favorite off-the-top-of-your-memory lines from SNL

My name is Needleman...I'm an oral surgeon
She earned it the hard way...one quarter at a time
Tar baby! Honkey honkey! (Chase/Pryor)
Hiyaaaaaaaaaa! (Belushi)
Never mind! (Gross)
Jane you ignorant slut (yes I know I'm doing all the classics)
I've got a wife and kids...they need food, drugs...(belushi)
What's wrong with you people? How old are you? Have you ever been on a date with a woman? (Shatner)
Hey Sluggo!
Do them till your soregasms (Tim Kawasinski or something like that)
Do you love me? (Mango) (see also all bad-monkey skits)
I'm...and you're not...
The rain in Maine is mostly acid rain...and what do they do? Com-plain, complain...
(Jessie Jackson reading Dr. Suess in memoram)

(mine are all pretty much before Farely / Sandler)
(except that Sandler-Suaze dirty-dance-off skit, that was awesome)

Edit - yoinked a great internet social paradox article from perisomething8
http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/commentary/alttext/2008/04/alttext_0423

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"I'm gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whiteys I see!" -- sung by Garrett Morris in the great parole sketch.

Survey would also accept "Kill all the whi-ite people..." Murphy / raggae band

"She earned it the hard way...one quarter at a time"

I totally remember that one!

How about...

"We've superheated this woman's fork... but she thinks she'll be biting into a piece of cold, creamy cheesecake. Let's see what happens!"

Oh, and...

"N*****."
"DEAD Honkey!"

(you gotta type that with the wild shaking bug-eyes...)

Actually, I am pretty sure this was first with John Candy on "Second City TV" in the late 70s. Buck henry may have appropriated it for SNL later, but i remember it as "3-D house of Beef" from SCTV.

Really? Hmm... I could swear I saw it on SNL. Then again, it could've been one of those 'clips' that Comedy Central used to air in its early years.

"Wow, that's terrific bass!"

"I just wanna be loved, is that so wrong?"

ohmigawd yes! If you were a gay bee...would you be attracted to me?

I've just got to have more cowbell.

[Trivial Psychic] You don't understand - you're WASTING COFFEE!

Tim Calhoun for president... like the country, I have a gas problem... and I am 10% gay.

The first one is super popular, iconriffic even, but I still love it.
Trivial psychic was awesome...(I can't remember the part about the floor varnish)

Good stuff there :)

I wish I knew this one by heart, but my favorite recent bit was Amy Poehler on "Weekend Update" complaining about the Britney-flashings and how women shave their pubes now. It went something like "Used to be, everyone had a lady-garden the size of a slice of New York pizza..."

New Shimmer is a floor wax!

No, new Shimmer is a dessert topping!

I have a shirt that reads "More Cowbell". It makes me laugh. :)

And I'm ashamed for forgetting that one. ;)

"Kill my landlord...kill my landlord...C-I-L-L!"

"C-I-L-L, my landlord..."
-- Eddie Murphy, Mr. Robinson's neighborhood skit.
"I'm Gumby, dammit!" -- Eddie Murphy, umm, Gumby, dammit.

and, of course,

"candygram. ... land shark."

Both are excellent!

OH OH OH wait, that reminds me
"That aint loud. This is loud (tweeeeet)"
(Mr. T)"Boys and girls - the word for today is PAIN.

Mr. T's Bloody Mary Mix. Buy it, or I'll kill you. (the one and only, Mr. T)

"The weatherman is dead!!!"
"It's not rocket science Jim... If the moon were made of ribs, would you eat it? Just say yes and we'll move on."
"I've seen better actin' in a can of tough actin' Tinactin!"
"Dear sister..."

"No coke, pepsi"
"I'm a hyper-hypo.."
"My shweaty balls.."

HA! (I actually work in public radio.) "Oh, your balls are so big I can barely get them in my mouth..."

:) Too, funny, of course I just remembered one of my all time favorites: "You're gonna live in a van down by the river!"

Victoria Jackson dancing on the Weekend Update desk after the Jessica Hahn brouhaha singing, "I am NOT! a BIMBO!"

Y E S ! ! !

"WHY aren't you CALLING?"
"It's fast enough for you...OLD...MAN"
"The Jawa's walk side by side to hide their numbe- what the fuck is a Jawa?"
"Because robots are strong and made of metal, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel"
"Next issue, what number am I thinking? Jimmyjimjohnjackyboy Jarmandooo...WRONG! The correct answer was 482"
"What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck, I can't remember how it ends, but you're mother's a whore."
"Bill Brasky's family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong."
"You're a fucking dog"
"I don't know much about them Chinese, I know they stand about yay high and their women have sideways vaginas"
"No, Antonio No! Is too sexy!" "........but I must"
"Not only have I lost 65 pounds in four days, but guess what? I found out I'm the Devil! And I will wash over the Earth, and the seas will run red with the blood of sinners! I am reborn! And I've got YOU to thank, Jimmy Tango!"
"It's not rocket science. It's a simple question, would you eat the moon if it was made out of barbecue spare ribs? I know I would, hell I'd have seconds and wash it down with a frosty budweiser."

Wow, some doozys in there (and some I don't recognzie)

Why did that make me remember Sinantra (all those were good) having Billy Idol kick (???)'s ass?

I got chunks ah guys like you in my STOOL

SNL is probably my favorite show of all time. There are stretches where it was pretty lame, but overall I think it's one of the most consistently funny shows ever made.

Bring it down to homelessville! (Justin Timberlake as a shelter mascot)
I once saw a monkey give a bath to a cat. That's CRAZY! (Brian Fellow's Safari Planet)
Why don't you pop out that spacesuit, and let me see them big green space titties. (Astronaut Jones)
Now what happens when yur doin' a live nativity that no one shows up to? That is correct, it turns into a fartin' contest. The good news: I won. The bad news: I think I pushed a good deal of my pooty pucker out, and it went and ripped. I'm your medical ball of clay. Mold me. (Appalachian Emergency Room)

I said "I've got chunks of punks like you in my stool!" for years...now that you reminded me, I may do so again.

"You put your WEEEEEEED in there!"

I'll have to check this out for the Suess.

"...and now we dance." from Sprockets sketches.

"I am Hans." "Und I am Franz" "Und we are going to pump you up."

Touch my monkey! How could I neglect...