Accidental Troll

I've been trying, literally, for years. I've just sort of rediscovered this fact. Some issues run deeper than others. Gazelles follow lions, I think about my 2nd-ex-fiance. It's absurd, but persistent.

PS edit
THANK YOU. Good god, I asked you for advice on how to DO this, what to DO, and you gave me advice on what to DO. Instead of saying thank you, I talked about why the advice might not work for me. My apologies for being an oaf. I have been trying that very solution, but still I am greatful for the advice on how to do what I want to do. Even if I do this, maybe it helps to have it reinforced from my friends.

Edited Date: 2008-01-29 07:01 pm (UTC)

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mpeace.livejournal.com

I call that type of thinking "being eaten by the mind weasels."

Sorry I have no suggestions, just sympathizing.

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predigested.livejournal.com

I've identified a problem of mine that sounds similar -- I replay bad moments or eras in my mind over and over, until it makes me sick.

The best I've ever done in solving (helping to treat) it is to fall out of it as unthinkingly as I get into it. This is pretty hit-or-miss, but sometimes it helps if I shelve the angry music and the angsty blog posts for a while and just go out and take pretty pictures of things for a few weeks. I don't try to think differently, but I change my mental periphery to something more positive, and wait to see if my core thoughts perk up.

It's like playing classical music for your houseplants. ?

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utforsker.livejournal.com

I can't think my way into right acting, but I can act my way into right thinking?

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predigested.livejournal.com

I think that fits.

I listened to a radio show once about a fat man who tried to lose weight, but couldn't find the way. He would try and fail. One day he thought, "Hey, I got fat without thinking about it, so maybe I can lose all this weight without thinking about it. Thinking about it isn't working, it's just agonizing me..."

So, he mounted his office telephone to his treadmill (I guess he worked from home), and began to walk at 1-2MPH during every phone call. Later, he arranged his computer and other essential business equipment on the treadmill, and began walking all workday. Now he's normal weight again, he says, and no one knows he's walking when he talks to them on the phone. If anything, the walking made him sound a little more upbeat.

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pastor-saturn.livejournal.com

Wish I knew what to tell ya. The worst is when your brain starts taking innocent occurrences or conversations and turning them into Ways You Fucked Up Again (I didn't say...I shouldn't have said...I wish I had...). Ugh. Seriously, though, I think more people have this problem (to one degree or another) than don't.

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cweaselle.livejournal.com

You dwell on things that bother you and you need to handle before you can stop thinking about them. You're dad's death was very difficult for you so it makes sense that you dwell on it. The rats are also something to bother you.

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hey, i know this can be a pretty unpopular view but have you considered (or have you/are you already on) drugs? Seriously, i cannot stress enough how much getting on an anti-dperessant (which is also an anti-anxiety) medication has helped me with my problems, among which were racing, obsessive thoughts. I'm on Lexapro and seriously it has been a godsend.

i was really reluctant to go on an anti-depressant because i had heard so many horror stories, and also i felt like it was somehow "giving up", and i think more significantly it was an admission of genetic inferiority! lol. But you know, so be it, it's better than not being able to do the things you want to do or enjoy yourself or ever be alone for five minutes without being hounded by unpleasant thoughts.

Some things you just can't control, no matter how hard you try

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I seem to be functional so I'm a bigger fan of turning problems into strengths - i.e. ADHD is just more energy for me.

I do use drugs to medicate myself: stoli, absolut, skyy...

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Yeah, i hear you...i think in the end it boils down to: "just what am i willing to put up with?"

i agree about the problem/strength thing; in fact it's one of my credos and i used to use that one a lot when job-interviewing.

to me, a trait is just that, and it's contextual whether or not it's considered good or bad. ultimately the trait is either "effective" or "ineffective" depending on the goal.

For me, my intensity and my "abilities' in the areas of analysis, idea-generating, etc became "disabilities" because as you say above you are "functional", and i was not. these things were interfering with my life in a pretty major way, or at least the life and the roles i had chosen.

(((although i have to question how this "trait" you have of obsessive, unbidden thought patterns is contributing to your life, or could be turned into a strength. And also, jsut a philisopical idea to chew on: you may feel "fine" now, but if you've never been to "great" you may think this is as good as it gets. it's hard to imagine the unknown...how do you describe the color blue to a blind person?

for some reason we get defensive about drugs, i think because it raises so many questions of "who am i *really?*. am "i" just a collection of checmicals and their reactions? at least that's where i go...the existential place, a place with no answers, just terrifying questions...(or at least i did when i was pre-meds! lol)

but we don't get defensive about other stuff,(well actually that's not true for some people) like if you take the same scenario and apply it to something else. Hey, there's this great restaurant i've heard about, they're cheap and delicious. some people don't like them but i want to try it, want to come? or more topically "hey i heard that there is this really easy method of getting rid of obsessive thoughts, it involves just saying this mantra once in the morning. no one knows why it works, but it works"...would people be as reluctant to do a mind-trick as they often are to try a chemical trick?)))

That's pretty much when i had to say "enough": when my traits were no longer something i felt i had control over, or represented my intellecual reality (i.e. i was becoming irrational...the amount of time and energy i was spending on non-contributory thought patterns was getting really high, and my *behavior* was no longer reflecting my *beliefs*)

ADHD, go figure ;-). yeah i'm on meds for that, too. also a godsend. From all of the reading i hve done on ADHD i'm very intrigued with how multi-spectrum the manifestations of this can be (obviously with some core characteristics) especially among women/girls, who are sort of "underdiagnosed" a lot because the "H" part can manifest less in girls, this being less of an annoyance to parents and teachers. And again, i don't really consider ADD/ADHD a disorder, more of a collection of traits (see the book "the edison trait) which can be helpful or hindering.

ok, on that note my adderall has kicked in pretty well now and i am gonna go do some "supposed to be doing" stuff.

:)

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Good points. I am all about chemicals, but far prefer recreational use and their use when a chemical imbalance can be measured. If a rat turns left in the maze, and we want him to go right - do we train him to go right or just give him a pill that makes him go left?

I would never say a mantra every morning. Remember those old SNL skits of Mr. Affirmation? Eep. But I'm supposed to be a boy or something, you know, that USian stoic = strength philosophy.

I seem to be happy much of the time and doing well in other aspects of my life so it doesn't appear to be in the realm of needing treatment.

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lol i hear you, ebermench ;-)

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typo: ubermench

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(they made it so you can edit if you're logged in now, at least until someone comments) (bout time...I do typos like mad, and I kant spel too boote)

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What you're describing sounds very similar to the way my mind works, which in my case has all been a symptom of OCD. Mind you, I would never dream of diagnosing you, nor would I recommend self diagnosis, but if you feel that your mind is obsessively negative to an extreme, you may want to consider talking to a professional of some kind? At the very least, it is often useful to simply have a noninvolved party to rant to about the things that bother you. :)

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Every disorder in the DSM is a normal behavior. The usual difference between a healthy defence mechanism and an unhealthy disorder is that it renders the user unable to function or makes them miserable. I seem to be functioning and not always miserable.

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Like I said, just giving you a bit of personal experience. :)

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DSM, not to be confused with BDSM - though yes, there is some overlap.

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HAH! I AM aware of the difference. :)

I really hope you figure out a way to help yourself with your negative thoughts. I know they're not debilitating, but I know they don't make you especially happy either, and you're a super guy so I prefer seeing you happy.

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