(no subject)

[vicarz]

I did deadlifts for the first time since I knocked myself out 2 weeks ago. I felt fine then, so I was cautious this time. I worked up to 315 for 6 reps, then instead of 2x5 for 5 sets of 10, I merely did 225 for 3 sets of 10. It felt fine - easy peasy - but I felt pretty good last time too when days later I would be unable to sit in my car for more than 20 minutes without searing pain from muscle fatigue.

One day later and I'm a little sore but not crazy bad. If I don't get worse then my set next week will be 4 sets of 10 at 225. Then 5 sets. Then I can worry about bringing it up. I'm also considering doing less reps, even if 5/3/1 gives it as an idea, because I'm not sure it is leading to real gains compared to big lifts?

My chiro says my elbows, now that my right friggin elbow is acting up, just may be fucked. I mean he mentioned a few possible problems, spur, bursitis, but he feels nothing wrong. My knee is crunching less, but has started to get pain more often - like it's hyper-extended when it doesn't seem to be.

You know what? Maybe I'm just not made for this. Maybe, just maybe, I'm not meant to be a fighter. Maybe I won't set strength records. I've always been a coward, I've always flinched, I've always been small, and I'm even wired emo. I've come a long way for a sissy, but sometimes I need to face reality.

My reality is I'm pretty proud of what I can do. I learned to hit, hard, and flinch far less. I put all but real athletes to shame in the gym, doing impressive weight for a short sissy in angry black t-shirts. I'm probably going to continue to have setbacks and problems - more as age starts in - but I'm also going to get stronger. If I lose function in some body part, I'll shift to something new and get better at it - enjoying new-sport rapid gains. I will age well, not falling, not depreciating as rapidly as nonathletic people, not losing much if any mobility. I'll just wrinkle, have big ears, and a neck waddle.

The bigger reality is fighting and strength are nice skills, but in my case merely symptoms of an obsession based on being socially fucking retarded. Seriously, guns, fighting, these are things for people who lack the ability to engage socially in different environments. Which do you think a partner finds hotter - beating people up who disagree, or disarming an uncomfortable situation? Who has more long-term reliable friends? Who is happier?

I like guns, fighting, the idea that when people do things I think are horrible I can kill them or prevent them from (whatever). That just shows my lack of ability to relate, control myself, think through the situation, and have any confidence in my ability to convince others to do what is right. Sometimes I disagree with what is right, lacking the ability to listen or relate. Sometimes I am unable to convince others, showing I'm wrong or lack communication skills. You can't always win people over, but with enough support I could have enough of a group consensus that I wouldn't mind living in a world where people thought so radically different? I dunno - I'm too limited mentally to be able to imagine that.

Luckily while I may not be that smart of skilled, I am still learning. Over time I'm slowly catching up, gaining skills, making friends, to the degree I recognize that being able to win in solo situations pales in comparison to social success - and that generally not being a shit and letting people do their own thing tends to lead to social success.

Ok I got a little off track there...and after only 2 cups of joe!

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_blackjack_/]

Many years of martial arts have taught me that being able to fight is an almost worthless skill. No amount of skill can protect you from a determined person who really wants to do you harm, so the key is to avoid making people want to do you harm. Guys who get into violent altercations on a regular basis (who aren't in law-enforcement/security/military jobs or living in high-crime areas) almost inevitably have made some poor lifestyle choices. De-escalating a situation is amazingly easy, if you are willing to look like a fool or a weakling, and I decided long ago I'd rather look like a fool than put somebody in the hospital for being a fool.

Of course, I'm so old and out of shape now that avoiding confrontations is my only option, but that's fine...

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I those are far healthier skills indeed.

[likethewatch.livejournal.com]

I was just going to say the same about your post. You are aging into a man you can feel good about, and that is a good thing.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_blackjack_/]

I'll amend that by admitting that some of the techniques I consider "amazingly easy" may not actually be practicable for smaller people, since they include things like "let the guy hit you a couple of times and keep smiling." But usually if the situation has gotten that far, you've missed a chance to walk/run away somewhere.

There are, of course, also situations that can't be de-escalated, especially hate-crime type stuff.

I guess the real point I'm trying to make is that a lot of people have no choice but to simply accept they are powerless against violence the way most of us are powerless against, I dunno, the weather. People used to ask my mother if she was scared of crime living in NYC alone, and her response was, "I don't worry about it because there is nothing I could do about it." She's a tiny woman with bad lungs; to her a mugger may as well be a runaway truck.

We both know people who have been more prepared to be attacked by ninjas than they were to pay their rent. (At least you're [over-]prepared for the real stuff too.) Spending my high school years being followed by gangs of kids throwing shit at me got me to the point that I slept in my boots all the way through college. But the ninjas never come. It's no way to live.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I find a lot of those types who defend themselves, from knife carrying friends, to clerks with tin foil caps, seem to fill their esteem by how much effort they spend protecting themselves against the imaginable. Those same efforts could actually make something!

If I get attacked by a large symmetrically loaded weight-bar that is powerless when lifted off the ground though; man then I'm ready.