(no subject)

[vicarz]

Thanks for the update, flash, now why did you - unsolicited - put a shortcut icon on my desktop? Isn't it obvious that you're only invoked by most users when a real website uses your app for something temporary to my interest? You realize by creating minor aggravation in the common user, rather than invoking loyalty or dependent relationships based on your cutside tricks you merely alienate potential users who will now gravitate towards less invasive and self-promoting freeware garbage with dreams of paid licenses?


This is awkward. I'm starting my staycation but I worked yesterday on the holiday and I have a work day scheduled for thursday downtown (tie, paperwork, meetings, and all that annoying mess). Not much of a vacation.

More awkward: nothing to do with it. I'm of mixed feelings on this - I feel like a fag or a freak or a freak-fag, where all of society has this mainstream picture of what I'm supposed to want, do, and feel. I have a vacation but "nothing to do with it." I don't want to go to the beach, or hiking, or a resort, or a foreign country, or a whatever I'm supposed to do with 2.5 kids and a dog or a cat. Watching "Hoarders" has not made me happier about my own dysfunctions (or any more sympathetic towards their's).

I...I've already done what I like. This weekend was insane, INSANE! I had it all, literally. Mostly. Thursday was a club night. Friday I could have gone to a nerdy party full of friends and acquaintances (some of whom I really really wanted to see) but was just too tired so I took a personal-nerd night off. Saturday I saw friends, went to dinner with friends and my gf, then went to a party with the gf and friends. Sunday we met up with many friends and faire. Those are the things I like, down time, friends, clubs, coffee in public, my sexy and smart and smart and sexy gf...so now I'm kind of done.

The problem is - it's hard to escape the feeling that I'm just resting so I can go back to work. This is true somewhat, but I only work 40-50 hours an average week so it's hard to see why I get so tired. I do note when I just do habitat or when I worked in a factory I could party (uh, drink) 3-5 nights a week - brain work is far more demanding. However, I make about literally 10x what I did when I did not-brain work (not adjusted for inflation over 15 years). My Latino bros are making less than me working 3 jobs and taking the bus to get there - I have no right to complain but I still feel tired sometimes. I also spend my own time buying groceries, getting everything in the world on sale, WORKING OUT IN THE GYM, and otherwise CHOOSING to spend time doing certain things rather than paying for convenience. So, am I on vacation just to get the laundry and grocery shopping done?

Who cares? I generally enjoy what I do - I have some problems with my organization right now and am highly annoyed at the huge administrative burden that has been spackled on top of my job, but overall I really enjoy what I do and enjoy being important enough to matter but not important enough to be incredibly burdened...I don't feel like I need to or even want to escape my job at all.

I remember a few short years, good god YEARS ago (I have NO PROBLEM using all caps for emphasis) (NONE), mocking my pathetic existence at being happy when the weather was good enough that I could spend all day inside studying - but with the windows open, huzzah. Now I have time off and nothing I actually need to do (though I've already flipped about 5 work emails) but nothing I actually want to do with the time. I knew after a period of time I'd take the time I didn't have for granted. Oh, and then the post school bar study, oh and then personal fucking drama bullshit grr, and the mixed in lovely tour de Sibley and 2 other hospitals...so here is the absence of pain. It still feels weird sometimes.

So now what? (not an actual question, just rhetorical masturbation material)
I say this with more social obligations than days of the week, but right now everyone is at work

Comments

[feistydiva.livejournal.com]

Don't feel bad about your "staycation" intentions. I would really love to take a week off* to just stay home and get things organized, sorted, cleaned, etc. Having spent the last four months away from home most of the week, I've noticed that spiders seem to be taking over the place in my absence... plus nothing is very organized because the occasional weekend visits are always a bit of a whirlwind.

(*I actually do have more than enough leave time to take a week off, but I'm not sure whether to save it for an actual vacation later or go ahead and use it to stay home and make my life feel more "together.")

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Yeah B'more dating eats a lot of time, doesn't it?

[feistydiva.livejournal.com]

Well, technically M is in Beltsville right now, living at his mom's while going to school. It's closer than B'more, but I know what you mean.

Sometimes people are worth the effort and time... at least you hope so! ;-)

[djpsyche.livejournal.com]

Vacation to get laundry and grocery shopping done sounds like ABSOLUTE HEAVEN to me.

And my hair. Can we add my hair? It looks like utter shite and I have no idea when I can squeeze in three hair appointments (cut, bleach, dye) IN MY OWN HOUSE.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Re-watching Scott Pilgrim made me want to dye my hair again.
And be a 17 year old chinese schoolgirl.

[pictsy.livejournal.com]

I want to travel like I did when I was a kid, where someone else took care of all of the paperwork and responsibilities. Otherwise it's so stressful that I'd rather just stay home.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Even when I do travel, I want a day or more to prepare, then a day or more to clean up and recover somewhat. Work exhausted hurts enough I want to be rested and ready when it comes.

PS seeing you at faire made me realize how long it's been! Hope I didn't hog too much of your time.

[pictsy.livejournal.com]

Not at all! Good to see ya. :)

[cobwellac.livejournal.com]

I'd love a staycation, too, but have so many family commitments and places to get to, that I'd just feel guilty. I try to take days off here and there, but that doesn't help much.