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Oct. 12th, 2010 09:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzThanks for the update, flash, now why did you - unsolicited - put a shortcut icon on my desktop? Isn't it obvious that you're only invoked by most users when a real website uses your app for something temporary to my interest? You realize by creating minor aggravation in the common user, rather than invoking loyalty or dependent relationships based on your cutside tricks you merely alienate potential users who will now gravitate towards less invasive and self-promoting freeware garbage with dreams of paid licenses?
This is awkward. I'm starting my staycation but I worked yesterday on the holiday and I have a work day scheduled for thursday downtown (tie, paperwork, meetings, and all that annoying mess). Not much of a vacation.
More awkward: nothing to do with it. I'm of mixed feelings on this - I feel like a fag or a freak or a freak-fag, where all of society has this mainstream picture of what I'm supposed to want, do, and feel. I have a vacation but "nothing to do with it." I don't want to go to the beach, or hiking, or a resort, or a foreign country, or a whatever I'm supposed to do with 2.5 kids and a dog or a cat. Watching "Hoarders" has not made me happier about my own dysfunctions (or any more sympathetic towards their's).
I...I've already done what I like. This weekend was insane, INSANE! I had it all, literally. Mostly. Thursday was a club night. Friday I could have gone to a nerdy party full of friends and acquaintances (some of whom I really really wanted to see) but was just too tired so I took a personal-nerd night off. Saturday I saw friends, went to dinner with friends and my gf, then went to a party with the gf and friends. Sunday we met up with many friends and faire. Those are the things I like, down time, friends, clubs, coffee in public, my sexy and smart and smart and sexy gf...so now I'm kind of done.
The problem is - it's hard to escape the feeling that I'm just resting so I can go back to work. This is true somewhat, but I only work 40-50 hours an average week so it's hard to see why I get so tired. I do note when I just do habitat or when I worked in a factory I could party (uh, drink) 3-5 nights a week - brain work is far more demanding. However, I make about literally 10x what I did when I did not-brain work (not adjusted for inflation over 15 years). My Latino bros are making less than me working 3 jobs and taking the bus to get there - I have no right to complain but I still feel tired sometimes. I also spend my own time buying groceries, getting everything in the world on sale, WORKING OUT IN THE GYM, and otherwise CHOOSING to spend time doing certain things rather than paying for convenience. So, am I on vacation just to get the laundry and grocery shopping done?
Who cares? I generally enjoy what I do - I have some problems with my organization right now and am highly annoyed at the huge administrative burden that has been spackled on top of my job, but overall I really enjoy what I do and enjoy being important enough to matter but not important enough to be incredibly burdened...I don't feel like I need to or even want to escape my job at all.
I remember a few short years, good god YEARS ago (I have NO PROBLEM using all caps for emphasis) (NONE), mocking my pathetic existence at being happy when the weather was good enough that I could spend all day inside studying - but with the windows open, huzzah. Now I have time off and nothing I actually need to do (though I've already flipped about 5 work emails) but nothing I actually want to do with the time. I knew after a period of time I'd take the time I didn't have for granted. Oh, and then the post school bar study, oh and then personal fucking drama bullshit grr, and the mixed in lovely tour de Sibley and 2 other hospitals...so here is the absence of pain. It still feels weird sometimes.
So now what? (not an actual question, just rhetorical masturbation material)
I say this with more social obligations than days of the week, but right now everyone is at work
This is awkward. I'm starting my staycation but I worked yesterday on the holiday and I have a work day scheduled for thursday downtown (tie, paperwork, meetings, and all that annoying mess). Not much of a vacation.
More awkward: nothing to do with it. I'm of mixed feelings on this - I feel like a fag or a freak or a freak-fag, where all of society has this mainstream picture of what I'm supposed to want, do, and feel. I have a vacation but "nothing to do with it." I don't want to go to the beach, or hiking, or a resort, or a foreign country, or a whatever I'm supposed to do with 2.5 kids and a dog or a cat. Watching "Hoarders" has not made me happier about my own dysfunctions (or any more sympathetic towards their's).
I...I've already done what I like. This weekend was insane, INSANE! I had it all, literally. Mostly. Thursday was a club night. Friday I could have gone to a nerdy party full of friends and acquaintances (some of whom I really really wanted to see) but was just too tired so I took a personal-nerd night off. Saturday I saw friends, went to dinner with friends and my gf, then went to a party with the gf and friends. Sunday we met up with many friends and faire. Those are the things I like, down time, friends, clubs, coffee in public, my sexy and smart and smart and sexy gf...so now I'm kind of done.
The problem is - it's hard to escape the feeling that I'm just resting so I can go back to work. This is true somewhat, but I only work 40-50 hours an average week so it's hard to see why I get so tired. I do note when I just do habitat or when I worked in a factory I could party (uh, drink) 3-5 nights a week - brain work is far more demanding. However, I make about literally 10x what I did when I did not-brain work (not adjusted for inflation over 15 years). My Latino bros are making less than me working 3 jobs and taking the bus to get there - I have no right to complain but I still feel tired sometimes. I also spend my own time buying groceries, getting everything in the world on sale, WORKING OUT IN THE GYM, and otherwise CHOOSING to spend time doing certain things rather than paying for convenience. So, am I on vacation just to get the laundry and grocery shopping done?
Who cares? I generally enjoy what I do - I have some problems with my organization right now and am highly annoyed at the huge administrative burden that has been spackled on top of my job, but overall I really enjoy what I do and enjoy being important enough to matter but not important enough to be incredibly burdened...I don't feel like I need to or even want to escape my job at all.
I remember a few short years, good god YEARS ago (I have NO PROBLEM using all caps for emphasis) (NONE), mocking my pathetic existence at being happy when the weather was good enough that I could spend all day inside studying - but with the windows open, huzzah. Now I have time off and nothing I actually need to do (though I've already flipped about 5 work emails) but nothing I actually want to do with the time. I knew after a period of time I'd take the time I didn't have for granted. Oh, and then the post school bar study, oh and then personal fucking drama bullshit grr, and the mixed in lovely tour de Sibley and 2 other hospitals...so here is the absence of pain. It still feels weird sometimes.
So now what? (not an actual question, just rhetorical masturbation material)
I say this with more social obligations than days of the week, but right now everyone is at work
