(no subject)

[vicarz]

Death in general - people come out of the woodwork in shock, to garner attention to themselves, to lash out at those who react to the death, to elevate themselves by criticizing the dead or the speaking-living, or just in genuine grief. It happens every time, with most crying the recently departed was a saint, some lashing out to increase or cause grief and shock at the expense of those who are hurt by the death, and...well it just is predictable. I am afraid I feel it is never appropriate to lash out at the recently dead because those who cared about them are in a vulnerable state and there is no benefit to talking ill about the deceased. Shitty thing to do and shitty time to do it.

Dirk - I didn't know him well, more from many many casual encounters in clubs, parties, various freak days over the years - and often from mutual friends. That said, I think the best explanation I have of anything to do with him is to relate a conversation I had with him at a party:
I told him it killed me that I felt I did everything you're supposed to do, went to school, got a job, bought land...and was single. Dirk, on the other hand, was to the best of my knowledge wholly irresponsible, living on a couch surfing tour, and yet had bred children into this world. Without prompting, he volunteered "Man, that is fucked up!" I loved that moment and was impressed and happy he said that.

To the best of my knowledge, he had been accused of some heinous things in the way-back past but outlived all his detractors and no serious allegations were ever supported by evidence that I heard of. There were many reasons to disagree with his lifestyle choices but nothing he did was hidden or deceptive, nor did his actions affect anyone beyond their free will to be so affected. He was open and honest about what he wanted, what he did, and so far as I know he didn't do direct harm to anyone. The people that knew him liked him and trusted him.

But my opinion of him isn't important. It really isn't.

Comments

[grymnir.livejournal.com]

I am in agreement. It is never appropriate to lash out at the departed in my mind either, nor is it appropriate to use someone's death as a soapbox from which to excoriate the current generation (of whatever scene, clique, or group).

What I loath are those who spring from the woodwork, gutters, and asbestos insulation who declaim their love and devotion...and at best knew the departed in superficial terms. A death is not an opportunity to draw attention to oneself, especially when, as you correctly note, true friends, loves, and family are reeling and dealing with grief and loss.

I'd like to develop a Bismarkian strategy: have blackmail bombs and info poised so that after my death, in the event of drama-trauma and lamentation, my closest friends pull out old quotes and comments made by said newly bereaved "friend" to bitchslap them out of their limelight.

Good luck replanning your Caribbean journey.

[anarcha.livejournal.com]

I have to admit -- a lot of the comments I have read have been pretty honest about the extent to which they knew him. Sure, there's a lot of lamenting, but it does seem more honest than I've seen with other passings. Maybe I'm not looking at the right places, though.

I also think that, to some extent, his passing echoes the passing of our social scene, if that makes sense. It reminds us that Tracks and Nation and the Edge and Catacomb and the Roxy etc are gone, and the Pennsic crowd is older, heavier, and more kid-burdened, and we're all noting more gray hairs and eating dinner earlier and spending more time at the gym.

He was an omnipresence for a scene that has eroded, and now he's gone too.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I think it's kinda...honestly, if you gave him a choice, he might have chosen this course. The scene was happy to waste away into nothingness, no last flash of glory.

[rednikki.livejournal.com]

Not exactly. If he was going to get shot, he would have wanted it to happen while he was diving out a window to flee a jealous husband after spending a night of passion with said husband's wife.

[alumiere.livejournal.com]

I think he did that a few times at Pennsic (only it was a tent wall and swords).

I also have vibrant memories of him falling into the creek in full regalia one night taking the back door into DieFledermaus. Not quite as scary as Devon falling into the fire (also at DieFledermaus, different year though). But that story made me feel much less bad when I fell into the creek mostly dressed (but sans corset) a year or two later at the other end of the island.

[rednikki.livejournal.com]

And I bet he still climbed out of the creek with aplomb!

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I dunno...he was quite active, but not so much at other's expense (it's still a funny thought though).

[rednikki.livejournal.com]

You are right that Dirk generally wasn't the sort to knowingly butter another man's toast. But it would have made for a legendary story like something out of Chaucer, which is the part that would have appealed to him.

[djpsyche.livejournal.com]

You're exactly right Cris... He was a symbol of our youthful decadence really. Lived fast and whaddaya know, died young.

This is the kind of event that's bringing the whole scene together in a common emotion, I'm sad that I'm not there. No one I spend time with can mourn with me. I'm sad I'll miss the wake. You're right, I don't count Dirk among "OMG one of my best friends ever!" but he was a truly unique character, well liked by everyone for good reason, the life of any party... but like Cris said, that party has been over for a long time. RIP The Scene, RIP Dirk, Scene King.

[alumiere.livejournal.com]

Psyche - both prakriti and Ray (http://www.myspace.com/prettyinpunkfashion) were friends of Dirk as well, and are living in London. There may be a few others as well...

If you want to drop prakriti a line through someone she knows, she commented here: http://alumiere.livejournal.com/386900.html.

Ray is on myspace and facebook (Ray Kolodny) and you should recognize her from Nation; I used to drive her to the club quite often.

Hugs; I hope you find a few people to have a toast to Dirk with this weekend.

[djpsyche.livejournal.com]

I remember Ray, I've run into her once or twice but not in years.
Perhaps I'll try to catch up with them. Though I made the Sluts (Thursday night goth pub group) join me in a toast to Dirk last night.
Thanks! Hope you are doing well girlie :) xx

[anarcha.livejournal.com]

I referred to the Edge :)

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Yes? It was mostly post-scene, and did not have a lot of scene in it compared to previous venues. Don't get me wrong - went a lot and liked it, but...was it scene? How much?

I say Catacomb wasn't either, and Midnight? Ew.

[kelowna.livejournal.com]

Very well put and accurate. Time is marching on and things are changing.

I see people who I know spoke very ill will of him in the past posting about how much they will miss him and love him. It is that hypocrisy that does bother me slightly. But, you know what, its the scene. The scene is inherently dramatic and that is just the way people deal.

His passing brings back memories and causes me to vividly recall a different time. The man definitely LIVED his life.

BTW... chiarOscuro was scene for over two years. I also never knew a _DC_ scene before Catacomb so to me that was scene too.

Actually no one used the word "scene" before I moved to DC.

--k

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I agree on the ... well I figure at best they don't realize they are attention garnering. Maybe the idea that someone they know died makes them genuinely feel closer or hurt - frankly it's happened to me (though I kept that to my self - I was much younger and dare I note it was pre-intratubes)

Thanks - planned the damn trip again - can't fail without trying!

[eac.livejournal.com]

"What I loath are those who spring from the woodwork, gutters, and asbestos insulation who declaim their love and devotion"

Well, but Dirk led a very public sort of life and he collected people, so you're naturally going to have that response.


And Jose, I don't think you're offensive here at all.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

My ability to predict what people will find offensive has been called into question numerous times so I try to err on the side of caution - still I offend a lot and people dont' believe I don't mean to. Thanks for letting me know I was within bounds this time

[eac.livejournal.com]

Well, someone else might think you're offensive, but you sort of captured his sympathy and generosity without falling all over yourself pretending that you loved everything he did.

[chadu.livejournal.com]

What I loath are those who spring from the woodwork, gutters, and asbestos insulation who declaim their love and devotion...and at best knew the departed in superficial terms. A death is not an opportunity to draw attention to oneself, especially when, as you correctly note, true friends, loves, and family are reeling and dealing with grief and loss.

This is what I've been personally dealing with. I met the guy, like, twice. I had no connection.

Many of my dearest friends (who had strong connections) are destroyed by the situation.

From what everyone has said and is saying, I would have liked to know the guy. But I didn't.

All I can offer is love, comfort, and support to my friends who are devastated. That's all I can do in this sitch. I wish I could do more... but I can't.

Frustrating, and sad.

[rednikki.livejournal.com]

What I loath are those who spring from the woodwork, gutters, and asbestos insulation who declaim their love and devotion...and at best knew the departed in superficial terms.

That's what I'm afraid of being, personally. Dirk and I were close for a while, and whenever I saw him it was as if there had been no time or distance (he had a gift for that), but I haven't seen him since I moved West. I think if I were around people I could talk to about him it would be different (and I'm really glad I'll be out there this weekend), but right now my only way to grieve with my community is to go on the Internet. Which...well, frankly it sucks.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I'm not as convinced it's all that either. I have not heard negative things about him and I'm pretty wrapped up with people who knew him. I dont' see anyone trying to latch on to scene cred - rather, some people make a scene but normally do while others didn't know him but are inexperienced with death, perhaps having them react in a confusing way.

[rednikki.livejournal.com]

I don't think anything you've said here is offensive.

That conversation you describe with Dirk is just so him.