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Oct. 29th, 2008 06:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzWow, just was referred to as trollish and mean by a few people I like. I'm not offended, though I am surprised. I think it's worth some thought and reflection.
Re-posting my response - feel free to jump in this line of thought and rip me a new one. Remember - I think I take criticism pretty well, but I also accept anon posts.
Hee! This is so weird to me because I actively distinguish myself from trolls and find it weird that I get mixed with them. At the same time, I freely admit my patience runs thin.
I'm "mean" to myself in public, but I don't share my internal dialog very often. It would make anyone whither, but it doesn't hurt me as I'm pretty in love with myself. A lot of the times the criticism is with the idea that I deserve better, and wouldn't waste the criticism on me or others if they didn't deserve it.
I don't think someone that just ignores your bad points or blows smoke up your ass is a friend - they're an acquaintance or a fair weather friend who will ditch you in crisis or when you're not fun. If you're wrong, I won't just tell you - I'll volunteer it before asked. I won't let my friends say idiotic things and "get away with it." However, the key thing with me is the intention. I treat others the same way - I have people rip me up, but if they mean well and generally like me then that's fine - even if I don't agree with them in the end. Often I do - and a lot of things I have learned, that I share with others now, are things I was "assaulted with" in the past.
That's not to say I ask everyone to accept what I do. One critisim of me is that I wield my love with brute force sometimes. Usually my advice is not called wrong, though the delivery is questioned. So - believe it or not, I try with great personal patience to try and deliver the messages in a way that if the recipient is ready to hear, they will be delivered. Yelling or making someone feel bad is sometimes the answer, but rarely is that the case.
On the other hand - if people can't handle criticism, the internet is a horrible place for them to be. To make a journal and put your thoughts in public is to ask for review - you're offering up your thoughts for the public. If you wanted just to write, you could stuff a notepad under your mattress.
Then again, life is a place best served with criticism. Nobody is always right, and having our mistakes pointed out to us helps us grow and gives us far faster learning than if we never face judgment. I get RIPPED by my friends, and I really like what this has done for me. I'm far more humble after being proven wrong so many times. I'm far wiser for my mistakes caught by others. I'm far more experienced for having so much wisdom handed to me for FREE even if I'm only absorbing 10% of it. If you can't take critism or frequently find that you are right while large groups of diverse people agree that you are perhaps not wright - you may be going down the wrong path.
Note - when I say I love myself, I, of course, mean physically.
Re-posting my response - feel free to jump in this line of thought and rip me a new one. Remember - I think I take criticism pretty well, but I also accept anon posts.
Hee! This is so weird to me because I actively distinguish myself from trolls and find it weird that I get mixed with them. At the same time, I freely admit my patience runs thin.
I'm "mean" to myself in public, but I don't share my internal dialog very often. It would make anyone whither, but it doesn't hurt me as I'm pretty in love with myself. A lot of the times the criticism is with the idea that I deserve better, and wouldn't waste the criticism on me or others if they didn't deserve it.
I don't think someone that just ignores your bad points or blows smoke up your ass is a friend - they're an acquaintance or a fair weather friend who will ditch you in crisis or when you're not fun. If you're wrong, I won't just tell you - I'll volunteer it before asked. I won't let my friends say idiotic things and "get away with it." However, the key thing with me is the intention. I treat others the same way - I have people rip me up, but if they mean well and generally like me then that's fine - even if I don't agree with them in the end. Often I do - and a lot of things I have learned, that I share with others now, are things I was "assaulted with" in the past.
That's not to say I ask everyone to accept what I do. One critisim of me is that I wield my love with brute force sometimes. Usually my advice is not called wrong, though the delivery is questioned. So - believe it or not, I try with great personal patience to try and deliver the messages in a way that if the recipient is ready to hear, they will be delivered. Yelling or making someone feel bad is sometimes the answer, but rarely is that the case.
On the other hand - if people can't handle criticism, the internet is a horrible place for them to be. To make a journal and put your thoughts in public is to ask for review - you're offering up your thoughts for the public. If you wanted just to write, you could stuff a notepad under your mattress.
Then again, life is a place best served with criticism. Nobody is always right, and having our mistakes pointed out to us helps us grow and gives us far faster learning than if we never face judgment. I get RIPPED by my friends, and I really like what this has done for me. I'm far more humble after being proven wrong so many times. I'm far wiser for my mistakes caught by others. I'm far more experienced for having so much wisdom handed to me for FREE even if I'm only absorbing 10% of it. If you can't take critism or frequently find that you are right while large groups of diverse people agree that you are perhaps not wright - you may be going down the wrong path.
Note - when I say I love myself, I, of course, mean physically.
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no subject
Date: 2008-10-30 02:12 pm (UTC)Well, we all are, ya know. This is the Internet. :) The questions I suggested are mostly pointed at examining yourself and your own motivation for offering advice/opinions, not so much at "When is the right moment for me to jump in and fix this situation?" Just an exercise in doing things slightly differently, and seeing if you can minimize (it's going to be impossible to avoid) misunderstandings.
That is, of course, if you're interested in changing. You may not be; if this style works for you and you're happy, well then there you go. :)
no subject
Date: 2008-11-02 05:12 pm (UTC)In a work context, I seriously have to work on this one. So far, I have found focusing more on the 'why' rather than the 'when' to be very helpful for me. Vicar, maybe it'd be beneficial for you as well. (again, advice delivered with the caveots Pastor_Saturn posed).