(no subject)

[vicarz]

Wow, just was referred to as trollish and mean by a few people I like. I'm not offended, though I am surprised. I think it's worth some thought and reflection.

Re-posting my response - feel free to jump in this line of thought and rip me a new one. Remember - I think I take criticism pretty well, but I also accept anon posts.

Hee! This is so weird to me because I actively distinguish myself from trolls and find it weird that I get mixed with them. At the same time, I freely admit my patience runs thin.

I'm "mean" to myself in public, but I don't share my internal dialog very often. It would make anyone whither, but it doesn't hurt me as I'm pretty in love with myself. A lot of the times the criticism is with the idea that I deserve better, and wouldn't waste the criticism on me or others if they didn't deserve it.

I don't think someone that just ignores your bad points or blows smoke up your ass is a friend - they're an acquaintance or a fair weather friend who will ditch you in crisis or when you're not fun. If you're wrong, I won't just tell you - I'll volunteer it before asked. I won't let my friends say idiotic things and "get away with it." However, the key thing with me is the intention. I treat others the same way - I have people rip me up, but if they mean well and generally like me then that's fine - even if I don't agree with them in the end. Often I do - and a lot of things I have learned, that I share with others now, are things I was "assaulted with" in the past.

That's not to say I ask everyone to accept what I do. One critisim of me is that I wield my love with brute force sometimes. Usually my advice is not called wrong, though the delivery is questioned. So - believe it or not, I try with great personal patience to try and deliver the messages in a way that if the recipient is ready to hear, they will be delivered. Yelling or making someone feel bad is sometimes the answer, but rarely is that the case.

On the other hand - if people can't handle criticism, the internet is a horrible place for them to be. To make a journal and put your thoughts in public is to ask for review - you're offering up your thoughts for the public. If you wanted just to write, you could stuff a notepad under your mattress.

Then again, life is a place best served with criticism. Nobody is always right, and having our mistakes pointed out to us helps us grow and gives us far faster learning than if we never face judgment. I get RIPPED by my friends, and I really like what this has done for me. I'm far more humble after being proven wrong so many times. I'm far wiser for my mistakes caught by others. I'm far more experienced for having so much wisdom handed to me for FREE even if I'm only absorbing 10% of it. If you can't take critism or frequently find that you are right while large groups of diverse people agree that you are perhaps not wright - you may be going down the wrong path.

Note - when I say I love myself, I, of course, mean physically.

Comments

[joanarkham.livejournal.com]

I don't think anyone thinks you're trollish and mean. When I feel like you cross a line, I call you on it...although I prefer to do so privately.

I love myself

Be careful, hairy palms and all...

[dcjester.livejournal.com]

But see, altho yer an ass, yer the kind of ass I like to call friend. You know what yer limits are, you make fun of yourself often, and although you have an ego, you know how to let it go at times and just be.

The people who are too scared to just let go of it all are the ones who cant take criticism, because that is all their life is dependant on, nothing more.

[blindtillnow.livejournal.com]

STFU you troll.

-s

[kelowna.livejournal.com]

I don't think of you are trollish. At least not compared to the trolls i've come across.

Mean? That would indicate intent in my definition. I don't think you intend to be mean but I think you can come across as mean when you make negative remarks about other people's weight or the type of job they hold or their choice in mate.

[fractalwoman.livejournal.com]

I have often been accused of the same. I have often tried to self-police as you do.

It is not that the criticism is what is annoying, it is the abrasive delivery of "I think I am better than you therefore....." That is not helpful. That is a comment in general, not just to you, my friend.

Note - when I say I love myself, I, of course, mean physically.

That was too much information, single man.

[predigested.livejournal.com]

Note - when I say I love myself, I, of course, mean physically.

PIX,PLS!KTHNXBAI

[pastor-saturn.livejournal.com]

I don't think you mean to come across as mean, but you say yourself that "I try with great personal patience to try and deliver the messages in a way that if the recipient is ready to hear, [my emphasis] they will be delivered." (He that hath ears to hear, eh?)

Big "if," there. If the recipient is not ready to hear your words, no matter how sage they may be, they wind up in that gray area where they come across as mean or condescending. The message is lost, or so distorted by emotion it becomes ineffectual.

So the question(s) to ask might be, why do I feel the need to give advice or share my opinion at this time? Am I doing it for the other person, or for me? Can it wait till the person is ready for my sharing and caring?

[bentrazor.livejournal.com]

Hey if you figure it out, let me know, as I too seem to run into the "I want people to be honest with me, and by honest I mean agree with me blindly, sometimes in an authoritive tone"

[djpsyche.livejournal.com]

People tend to have thin skin. And especially on the internet tone is hard to discern. It's best to err on the side of tact. Of course I never seem to manage this myself...

[indigo-eris.livejournal.com]

Very eloquently put. :)