(no subject)

[vicarz]

The fact I just recorded my first computer/media center episode of Metalocalypse is diminished a tad by the woot deal today for about the same cost as this machine 6 mos ago with far better specs. I still can't get the stupid remote to work for the cable box, but at least the video recorded. Of course, the screen is shrunk for some reason...but other than that, perfect. Yeah. I also have as many remote controls as a janitor has keys.

I go to murky and create a mood. I sit at home, watch a movie, drinking, and a mood is created. I don't drop acid to perceive reality as more than it is, but I do create feelings without origin through drug use and escapism. I am positively fascinated by me, my navel never failing to entertain me and somehow I convince myself that it is important - it feels important, my words sound important - but if I put them through the "other people" filter they ring hollow. I have strong feelings and want to express important things, but that is just a feeling - what is the origin of the feeling? What lesson can I teach to others? What the hell have I learned that is of use to me, lest of all someone else?

Puppies are cute - they just are. You look at them and have an emotional experience - warm fuzzies caused by seeing puppies. It isn't a bad thing - empathy is necessary biology in social mammals, but it's easy to fall into the trap of following a feeling rather than the substance behind it. Music sets moods, do the words or artist matter? A writer paints his picture - does his audience matter when he writes? Does the writer actually matter to the audience?

I finally made it through "go ask ogre," a book as annoying as "prozac nation." It's not that the picture, the perspective, is all bad - it's interesting and takes me back to thought patterns I once had. It's also filled with pictures of a girl that looks like Kelowna in 1983 (or 95). However, there is no progression - it's just a long, repetitive, annoying snapshot of someone who is feeling strong emotions with no origin or substance to back them up. I understand the author being fascinated, they relive the emotions as they go through the writings - but anyone else? You could read a page in the beginning, the middle, and the afterward and not miss a thing. The author in each case is self-absorbed and looking for some reason the outside world should reflect their emotional state rather than the converse. Now reading this...am I different? Am I progressing at all? How long do I spend in recovery until I'm fixed? Am I progressing or just spinning in circles? I do feel better, I've moved on...but in my personal J-curve I'm disappointed with the current pace.

http://pics.livejournal.com/vicar/pic/0002hgqf

Comments

[kelowna.livejournal.com]

Does the writer actually matter to the audience?

No. Like an actor or a canvas. They are simply there to convey. You should lose the idea of a writer and become engrossed in the experience the words are painting.

I haven't read "Go Ask Ogre", I did find a momentary fascination in "Prozac Nation" mostly due to reading it right as it came out and right when I tried Prozac in 1994.

As I understand "Go Ask Ogre", I don't think it is specifically unique except for the fact he actually saved all of it and sent it back to her. The thoughts are emotionally dated and I believe that is the point.

--k

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I could send you this ... no, I could deliver it in person when next one of us visits the other! The problem I have with the both of them - the lack of source or perspective. It's...repetitious in each case.

Good point on writing - when I hit it, I'm not so much writing as reporting on what is happening. There is no I.

[bentrazor.livejournal.com]

I've had a passing interest in that book for some time, but not enough to go out and read it, maybe some day. I dunno, maybe it's unresolved feelings of my own coming through, but when I look at that scan, I notice 'wow, she sure is pretty, and has a lot of friends. I wasn't, and I didn't.' I always feel I missed something, like the scene I'm supposed to be a part of is and has always been someone else's party, but that's another diatribe for another time.

In regards to emotional loops, I find that the further along I get in life, the less patience and empathy I have for people who aren't solution-minded. Complaints, venting, those things are normal, it's ok to blow off steam, but I've come to find people who burrow down and wrap themselves in a comfortable complaint cycle are beyond annoying and downright contemptible; it's as if they feel their conflicts, their 'struggles' with life situations, self-diagnosed psychological maladies, hampering personality quirks, whatever, are the only thing that makes them distinct or interesting, and if they set out to fix them, they might actually be forced to try at life. They cling to who they were or who they think they are because they can't face who they are now, because making excuses is easier than making progress.

They don't want to get better, and I hate them for it.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I feel exactly the same - when I was listening to this music in the 80s, I not only didn't have those friends - I pretty much didn't have friends. I can relate to the feeling like I missed the party - I'm happy I got to one in the 90s and 00s.

Yeah, she was quite whiny and there is no obvious growth or direction. It's cute and you remember feelings and things, there are some fun stories, but mostly it's just spinning an a boring circle of whine.

Then

[fractalwoman.livejournal.com]

there are times when people just rip everything apart. Perhaps I am just crazy, but I do this...often.