(no subject)

[vicarz]

2:42 and I can't get back to sleep. Something about working out often leads to this - is it the massive post-workout food (a small sandwich?) being sore (no, not really) or some rebound effect?

Reading "The Logic of Life" by Tim Harford. These econ meets life books are killing me, thanks a lot Colin. They're like candy for people with 3 digit iqs. And cynics.

Take romance vs. economics. I had a friend telling me that in NY nobody looks at a female over 30 w/o kids like she's crazy. Well, according to sex in the city of NY 1.3 million males bounce around 1.8 million females. In fact, statistics show that overall urban environments have a higher % of males than rural in the industrialized world. Women in areas in which they outnumber men, even by a little bit, tend to be higher paid and more educated.

So not crazy perhaps just means not alone.

A while ago I was whining that girls all stated they want tall men. However, it turns out that in all studies (and certainly my experience) you choose what you have to choose from. Economics folks have been cruising "speed dating" for data, and finding sad realities:
Men choose twice as many possible mates as females
Everyone lowers their standards based on what is available. Big time. So much so it is comical. Women want tall, but settle quickly when no tall people are around (Mexico and Asia, here I come). Men want not overweight (I'm quoting here) but will settle when no thin women are around.
Or as noted in Silence of the Lambs, you first covet what you know?
If true, I should get the fuck out of gothdom and fast...

As housework got easier, both men and women started marrying at older ages. The division of labor became less important so there was no need to pair up? Divorce rates have shown steady trends related to developing nations, while female worker participation is related to lower rates of abuse. Bargaining power = love. Fascinating theories.

Still wish I could sleep. When I got up star trek, 5th element, and harvey birdman were on. Thank insomnia for cable. In 2 hours I might as well get up.

Comments

[underfiend.livejournal.com]

I agree with a lot of what you said.

I hate the whole height-est thought, but a lot of times, it's because the short person doesn't want short kids. However, if you're like me and don't want kids, that kinda makes the whole thing moot.

As far as settling, yes, many people are smart enough to make the best of limited options, but at the same time, I have been taken a little amused by how many people end up with others who are "not their type", and have experienced it happening from both sides. I even told one girl that since I wasn't her height req, it was her loss. My attitude about my "shortness" made her more attracted to me because I didn't really care... but that's a whole nothing thing. Stuff like that happens a lot and I've noticed most people honestly don't have a type or know what they want, though they may have an idea of what they think they'd like. The two can be very different.

Speed dating... oh my g, is that ever a statement of a lot of what's here. Yes, a lot of the women I met at these events went only once where as most of the guys were on their second or third event. It's always funny to see them figure out how they're going to work out the math of more guys showing up than girls, but I think some of these experiences / thoughts I have re: dating are based on the DC lifestyle, which is not to say it doesn't extend to other places, just that I'm sure things are different (from what I've seen in Canada, for instance, where people seem slightly more friendly and less "shallow" over all) in other places.

The marrying thing makes me happy, though, cause in a way I think we're doing more waiting till the time is right, but there are a number of factors in play here- not the least of which is longer life spans and the need to retire later in life.

I'm not sure about the whole covet what you know thing, but it does take time and desire to get away from what you are already acquainted with. Hell, I've met a bunch of cool people lately after just letting my guard down and realizing everyone doesn't need to fit into my scheme of what is an "interesting person".

She rubs the lotion on her skin

[vicar.livejournal.com]

You beam confidence, which works wonders. When you don't care about them, people re-evaluate your "rank."

I completely agree that people, including me, have an idea of what they think they want but may well not know what they want (or should want, what is good for them etc.).

I am 100% into that covet what you know issue - I fight it. Give me a meh coworker and I think he or she is amazing, though if I met them in a club I'd not necessarily notice them as much. The more you see someone, the more strengths AND weaknesses are obvious. Offices are full of not-hots, so being plain at work is smoking hot. That, and I like quoting SotL.

Re: She rubs the lotion on her skin

[underfiend.livejournal.com]

The covet thing I kind of catagorize as more of "You want (more) what you can't have", which also feeds into the idea you mentioned about "rank".

There is a theory that the more you have to work for something, the more valuable it is to you, which would make sense why some relationships which start off as one-night stands tend to remain so whereas after investing a lot of "get to know you" time, the relationship may last longer. There are always exceptions, but no one likes to feel as they've wasted time, energy, or money.

Re: She rubs the lotion on her skin

[vicar.livejournal.com]

That bridges over to that whole manipulative trick of "The method" for picking up mates. Ick. Any system can be manipulated, but the people tht use tricks well...ick.

Re: She rubs the lotion on her skin

[underfiend.livejournal.com]

Hehe, you read that too...

But really, how is it a trick? The other option is to try to proove yourself to someone else and really, if you have self-respect, you should never have to do that expect maybe in a job situation, but surely not in romance.

At least, I personally am more interested in someone who doesn't act desprate but demonstrates valid confidence.

Re: She rubs the lotion on her skin

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Read 'the method,' and it involves engaging in behavior that is disingenuous with the intent of manipulating someone into fucking you - presumably then dumping them when the using is done. Deliberately insult to establish rank? Disregard to trick them? It's disgusting, and it's disciples are rightly ridiculted. Anyone playing games and doing tricks to get laid is pathetic. By the time you're able to engage in such trickery, you should be mature enough to have more mature goals in terms of relationships. Says me.

Re: She rubs the lotion on her skin

[underfiend.livejournal.com]

Right, but you're speaking of the entire "method".

I was only speaking to the part that it's true that something/one worked for is perceived as more rewarding/valuable. Hell, I think that's just common sense. I don't know if it's disingenuous especially since it's natural.

Really, how often do you find yourself disgusted by someone who is physically attractive but acts like a slut; if they acted with self-respect, instead of the town whore, wouldn't you be more interested in them? It's basically the same idea.

I probably would have been more disgusted about that part when reading about it if I didn't know it to be true and had not witnessed a lot of people knowingly, or unknowingly, playing off the "hard to get" theme. Eh, it's just human psychology, really. As humans, especially children, most of us wanted that cookie (or whatever) more after being told we couldn't have it.

I could write at-lenght about the psychology behind "The Method" because I do find it facinating due to it being so simple yet contraversial due to the obvious manipulation techniques, but I'll save that for another time. What's more, it is very telling about gender psychology and how we tend to interact. I do agree with your final point, however, and I belive "The Game" illustrates how pathetic things can get... but the main character eventually discovers this when he finally meets a women he loves and wants to stay with because she is a challange to him.