(no subject)

[vicarz]

Unless you find my musing and style of writing interesting, this is probably quite dull - nothing about sex, world politics, and no pictures under cut - just reflections.

Got an unexpected bill from the US Dept of Ed - seems not all my loans were Sallie Mae, that one was direct to Ed. So, I'm thousands of dollars poorer than I thought I was. I'm also about to put my annual plug into the market in Jan, this year the max allowed for your IRA is 5k, so like the speed limit the max is my minimum requirement. My few remaining nonretirement stocks are diving with the market. I've created a more detailed budget and realized I'm slowly hemorrhaging money. I'm fine and will be, but the 2 mortgages are really a burden - so I can't spend much. I am that symptom of the slowing economy based on the mortgage market you're hearing about. Only, I'm not in trouble (I have resources to cover this, despite the dying stock market, and one mortgage I paid down so far ends in 2009 rather than 2022). Glad I didn't buy that car, couch, computer, laptop, and big tv I was thinking of. I may try to snag some stuff off of craigslist after the holiday when all the rich folk get their shiny new toys and get rid of last year's shiny new toys.

So my giant revelation wasn't so giant. My big change so far is that I see my dad in the hospital 4 days a week instead of 7. In my extra time...I've done little. My friends are busy with their own lives of course, and I'm still a little used to not making plans. Well, not during the week. I'm not reading, not going out, not even watching tv much. I've ventured onto IM a bit, but mostly I still waste my time comfort gaming. I don't know if I'm reverting to my lazy life, or if I really just need to rest, repair, and recover. Drinking less the time goes by slower. What do normal people do during the 8 hours they are not at work? The gym is only 2 hours - food another hour. Then what? Why were there only things I wanted to watch on tv when I had no time to watch - is that an optical illusion?

Worked with an old bud in class last night, and realized how hard I'm hitting. I suppose that's good, that I've shown growth, but the applicability is arguable. I suppose if I have someone tell me what to throw at a fixed-distance leather target I'm prepared. My calves though...fucking fierce. I could never box - my whole interest in the sport seems to be staring at my own calves in the mirror.

Last night was the last night my old coach was teaching - he's moved on. I've grown in this class and it really filled in a lot of holes for me over the years, but it may be time to move on as my growth curve is flattening out and the skills I learn are of limited use. We didn't go out for drinks though it was discussed. We have parties sometimes, and I'm welcome and invited (vs. allowed to tag along), but I notice that many friendships have blossomed between members of the class. I have not hung out socially with anyone from that group outside of a group setting. I'd like to. I wonder why - is it because I was always running off to study? Is it because I'm like 10 or more years older than everyone else (but I still feel 25 and act 17?)? <-- nested question marks!? Do I have a pheromone that makes people stay away, or am I just still socially retarded and unaware of behaviors I engage in which drive folks away? Is my social retardedness something that can be unlearned, if so is it too late, or is it just a genetic trait? Should I not consider breeding due to this important weakness, because I'd be unable to provide the proper genetic sequence for the skill or teach the skill at a formative age due to my own weakness?

Maybe I just like people in the abstract, and the real thing is too different or too burdensome to be fun.

Comments

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Very nice bust on the medical / psyc modern hysteria. It used to be when we didn't know what something was, we called it schizo.

I also note that every weakness I have has made me stronger in another area. As soon as I get tall I'm going to be quite formidable.