(no subject)

[vicarz]

So I have this lil tragedy going on in my life, but I've been noticing weird things about how other people react to me when they know about it. People are crawling out of the woodwork with offers "if you need anything." I think I understand that, and it's sweet. People who don't know or like me very well find my situation compelling, and feel the need to reach out. It's like they see a sad puppy look and want to cuddle it. I believe each person who has done so has been completely sincere.

That urge is, in reality, completely insane. Can you imagine someone, in their hour of crisis, forgoing their existing network of real friends and family to reach out to someone who doesn't call them on the phone, go out to eat with them, who never tasted their bodily fluids, never moved furniture or asked to move theirs, and who has never come to them with a crisis of their own? I mean, why would I trust someone who isn't even a friend, or a good friend, when I'm dealing with something real? You know what would be fun? Taking up one of these near-stranger-acquaintances on their generous offer. If only I had done more theatre, I could call one up and desperately beg to talk - meet them in person and bawl into their chest like a 2 year old, blowing salt and snot into their shirt. Can you imagine the "oh shit" on their face? That would be hilarious.

I'm not saying if I'm not your friend now I never will be, either. I've been hard to be friends with for the last few years, I know. I would like to make new and interesting friends here and there, perhaps swap bodily fluids, and even renew or strengthen old ties. If your interest is in making friends or growing together more, dandy, but for many there are other ways and other times that might be more appropriate.

A hint - this is more from the office and gym: if someone has crap they're going through, don't ask them how they're doing. If you know their situation, don't ask about it. Say hello, do the other senseless greetings, if you must - say they can ask if they need anything but leave it alone and distant when you're done (we're talking coworkers and acquaintances here). My boss told me if I needed any leave I had it, he considers family the priority, and he'd be flexible with any work-at-home arrangements I wanted. That was cool and appropriate. My coworker asked me "How's your dad doing?" Crappy! Oh. Isn't he getting better? No, worse. Much. Oh. Silence... See, now that was just stupid. She knew he was in the hospital, and I was here talking to no one. What are the odd this would be a good conversation? Stoofoo!

When you have shit going on, the last thing you want to do is repeatedly relate the story to others. It sucks to think about it, more to tell others about it. You have family you have to tell about it, and friends you can tell about it. You don't give a shit what similar experience coworkers or acquaintances went through. At least I don't. I guess they don't know about WAH LJ!

Comments

[cweaselle.livejournal.com]

I know you were being silly. I was being silly back. I don't remember being a good friend to you, but I know you've always been one to me.

I think you know my memory is bad since I don't remember most of my adult life. I'll probably e-mail you to ask you about my new weirdness. Either that or I might call you soon. I know you will be able to help me understand myself. You know me better than I do.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I don't know if I'd go that far - I'm not a good people reader, whether I'm a good friend or not. Feel free to email/call though - I'll do whatever I can.

[cweaselle.livejournal.com]

You may not be a good people reader, but you remember more about the old me than I'll probably ever remember. It's ok though. I mostly like the new me. I'll probably either call you or e-mail you tomorrow. I'll see what time I have because I think that the bees in my books stole my brain and put it somewhere that I can't find it. I'd like to get it back so if you see any bees ask them for it.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Will do unless they're the bugs from the evil demon noratu (as seen in InuYasha)

[cweaselle.livejournal.com]

I don't know what those bugs are, but the bees are the African kind that are making clones of themself that take over the other kinds of bees. I think I've got too much research done and that I need to get these books out of my head.