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Oct. 14th, 2005 11:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzI'm not independent.
I mean I am in many ways. I do things myself, and stubbornly refuse help. I self-motivate, self-control, and have been financially independent for ages. But emotionally? I can tell people to fuck off, I have self-respect...but I act on some need to feel a part of a group. Evidence:
* when a relationship ends, one of the hardest things for me is not having someone to share things with. When I'm with someone, I tend to store up the little stories they might find funny or interesting. At the end, I find myself stuck with these stories and no place to "put" them. Freshly single I feel like there is a hole in my life no matter where I am or whether they would be there with me or not.
* when single, there is always a friend there for me. There is always someone to share stories with. I think of them when things happen, rather than just report the story later (there are different friends for different types of activities).
* LJ - nuff said. What kind of poor substitution for social interaction or group affiliation is this?
It just seems like I'm not satisfied living life for myself. I don't smell a flower and just enjoy it, I want to share it with others either directly or through reporting. I don't want to drive down the road in a flashy car impressing strangers, but I do want to share important things with important people.
I mean I am in many ways. I do things myself, and stubbornly refuse help. I self-motivate, self-control, and have been financially independent for ages. But emotionally? I can tell people to fuck off, I have self-respect...but I act on some need to feel a part of a group. Evidence:
* when a relationship ends, one of the hardest things for me is not having someone to share things with. When I'm with someone, I tend to store up the little stories they might find funny or interesting. At the end, I find myself stuck with these stories and no place to "put" them. Freshly single I feel like there is a hole in my life no matter where I am or whether they would be there with me or not.
* when single, there is always a friend there for me. There is always someone to share stories with. I think of them when things happen, rather than just report the story later (there are different friends for different types of activities).
* LJ - nuff said. What kind of poor substitution for social interaction or group affiliation is this?
It just seems like I'm not satisfied living life for myself. I don't smell a flower and just enjoy it, I want to share it with others either directly or through reporting. I don't want to drive down the road in a flashy car impressing strangers, but I do want to share important things with important people.
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no subject
Date: 2005-10-14 04:30 pm (UTC)