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Aug. 7th, 2005 06:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzThis is great - I'm up early and so ready to be productive! You see, I bolted from the party early yesterday because my tummy started feeling not-very-good-at-all. I ran home and felt very not good for a long time, wondering what I ate that was not-so-good. Around ten I decided there was no way a little tummyache was going to keep me from the night at chairschool I looked forward to all week - especially after Vlad put up a request poll and I had put so many new weird electronic songs on it, especially after nation sucked so mightily. So a little after ten I hit chairschool. It turns out sitting in a car then standing up mutates into intense abdominal pain. I don't last 30 minutes in the club before I dash off for home. I started to watch tv, but chills and sweats set in so I just went to bed.
A little after midnight an ex calls me. I don't make it to the phone in time, stare at the name and number, and decide not to call back. I'm already a little emotionally wonky, I still have feelings for her, I don't want to hear about her live-in boyfriend issues, and playing affirmation whore is not the role I want to perform at that hour. Now I'm still feeling so-so, pissed that I'm up at a work hour but going to run off and do chores anyway. What a waste of a night, one I planned for and looked forward to.
When Kirstin and I did the belly high-five, I didn't know it was a Will & Grace thing. Since realizing I had accumulated a belly when those pics were taken, I lost fat % and built more muscle in the abdominals - I can now catch a 10lb medicine ball on my abs, tossing the ball back up for 3 minutes. A lot of my friends have lost serious weight lately, I hear about it on line but it still blows me away to see it in person. 20, 30, 40 lbs and more, it impresses the hell out of me. Generally it's not from some looney diet, it's slow and steady combinations of healthy eating with exercise. Haven't seen anyone "rebound" either. I don't know if it's PC to appreciate it, but I'm impressed.
Lights - my god ikea is cheap compared to home depot. The only problem is the fascination with halogen lights...why is everyone stuck on those? They don't work on dimmers and are hot, eating electricity aren't they?
For a brief moment I saw why a girl would be uncomfortable with gay mannerisms from a guy they had a romantic interest in. For a brief moment I considered acting straight, quickly remembering that nothing matters but being liked for who you are.
But who you are changes over time.
Some traits are core.
There is nothing wrong with managing your appearance. You pick the towels up off the floor.
It's not natural to "act straight." Why would anyone want me to fake it?
No one wants someone who fakes it - they want someone who does it instinctively.
When you are born you don't even know how to wipe your ass. To say that masculinity or acting straight is anything but a learned set of culturally defined behaviors is asinine.
A little after midnight an ex calls me. I don't make it to the phone in time, stare at the name and number, and decide not to call back. I'm already a little emotionally wonky, I still have feelings for her, I don't want to hear about her live-in boyfriend issues, and playing affirmation whore is not the role I want to perform at that hour. Now I'm still feeling so-so, pissed that I'm up at a work hour but going to run off and do chores anyway. What a waste of a night, one I planned for and looked forward to.
When Kirstin and I did the belly high-five, I didn't know it was a Will & Grace thing. Since realizing I had accumulated a belly when those pics were taken, I lost fat % and built more muscle in the abdominals - I can now catch a 10lb medicine ball on my abs, tossing the ball back up for 3 minutes. A lot of my friends have lost serious weight lately, I hear about it on line but it still blows me away to see it in person. 20, 30, 40 lbs and more, it impresses the hell out of me. Generally it's not from some looney diet, it's slow and steady combinations of healthy eating with exercise. Haven't seen anyone "rebound" either. I don't know if it's PC to appreciate it, but I'm impressed.
Lights - my god ikea is cheap compared to home depot. The only problem is the fascination with halogen lights...why is everyone stuck on those? They don't work on dimmers and are hot, eating electricity aren't they?
For a brief moment I saw why a girl would be uncomfortable with gay mannerisms from a guy they had a romantic interest in. For a brief moment I considered acting straight, quickly remembering that nothing matters but being liked for who you are.
But who you are changes over time.
Some traits are core.
There is nothing wrong with managing your appearance. You pick the towels up off the floor.
It's not natural to "act straight." Why would anyone want me to fake it?
No one wants someone who fakes it - they want someone who does it instinctively.
When you are born you don't even know how to wipe your ass. To say that masculinity or acting straight is anything but a learned set of culturally defined behaviors is asinine.
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no subject
Date: 2005-08-07 06:31 pm (UTC)--
Tom Rhodes
:-)
Date: 2005-08-07 04:06 pm (UTC)Re: :-)
Date: 2005-08-07 04:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-07 05:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-07 05:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-07 06:32 pm (UTC)And hearing from an ex who's life is going great sucks. Even more so when your's isn't going so great.
--
Tom Rhodes
Non-sequitur.
Date: 2005-08-07 09:16 pm (UTC)Maybe, at first glance, because she'd wonder about his orientation. But I really think that it doesn't matter so much once an interest has been established. I've dated men more feminine than me, or smaller than me, and I could have easily developed a complex about it, but I have so many already.
I did date someone from (cough) India, and apparently there's some sort of standard dance there which involves shoulder-shrugging? During the dance-night he was a trifle drunk and he kept touching/hugging his male friend who promptly said, "stop acting gay! Stop!" I found that downright annoying. I actually found the shoulder-shrugging / giggling / gestures-of-affection endearing. I thought, hey! This guy might be SENSUAL! ROCK!
I agree that people should be more aware of what's 'performative' in gender--and that it is, as you say, a construct, & essentially is mimetic of something that doesn't even exist. Of course I'm paraphrasing some queer theorist. I could look her up if you'd like.
Re: Non-sequitur.
Date: 2005-08-08 09:52 am (UTC)Sensual does rock. I have a strong bias though - have had wonderful relationships with bi girls (not the porn kind, real ones ;P). Why not go for the best of both worlds?
There is also the complication of what behavior is reinforced, so what is natural again? I think natural is that lovely state of just not caring, of recognizing the roots of much behavior, enjoying the origin and laughing about it, playing with the roles, exaggerating them...of course this means gay jokes will always be funny. Sexual tension is always funny, and it's quite common to make skin-slappy jokes about who is zoomin who. As gay relationships by the rosiest approximations are a minority of the total pool, they'll always be a bit unexpected and therefore subject to more tension, hence more giggle appeal. Huh...I may need to take this and make it another post to work this tired subject into the ground...
no subject
Date: 2005-08-08 06:45 am (UTC)4 times the life, less wattage used. Just keep them away from flamable objects. It's the gas used that makes them hotter, but that same gas makes them last longer as the filiment gets its stuff back when it burns off.
IKEA: is cheap. I have a floor lamp leaning against a bookcase and wall because the base broke. Still, for 10 bucks who gives a rip.
Abdominal pain: SUCKS. I've had to give up a few nights because anything but laying down in bed made it hurty.
People: change. yes, over time they learn new things and better ways to act in public. Some learn worse things instead. New ways to annoy their fellow man. We can't all be angels.
Butt Wiping: Actually, after reading what you said, you are correct. Although the phrase "be a man" can get tossed around too often towards anything. "Be a man and whore around" vs "Be a man and stay true to 1 girl only".
Ex's: Suck. Them and their happy better lives now that you are gone. I of course speak through vicarious experience... but if anyone calls here after midnight, someone is in the hospital. or jail. or missing. or dead.
-author comment. I will not be held responcible if anything here doesnt make sense.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-08 09:46 am (UTC)Thanks for explaining the halogen! Now they are less offensive to me, though I still wish they dimmed. I'm all about those dim bulbs for some reason...