(no subject)

[vicarz]

I don't like being single. Of course I know you're not supposed to say things like that, and I know you're not supposed to "look for a relationship." I know these things, but I have changed, upped the standard, reeled in the libido, and behaved with some shred of dignity for some time now. I just don't think I like being single, and I don't mind saying that despite how bad it sounds to say it out loud. The funny part is while I don't think I like being single, but I don't dislike it enough to pursue anyone "despite their flaws." I don't see a single "blip on the radar." I still quote Wendy's rant "It's not you, it's me. No wait...you know what? It is you. There is always a reason why it's a bad idea, but the ones that make it are the ones I thought were worth it despite some issue. You just aren't making me feel like making that leap."

What is it I don't like about being single, or do like about being half of a couple (or a slice in a giant wheel of debauchery - why pigeonhole yourself)? Is there comfort in being taken or not having pursuit always an option and possibly directed at you? It's not tempting to look at sex for answers - yeah sex is wonderful, but after a few months it slides down the priority pole (huh huh, sex slides down the pole, huh huh). Is it the lack of options, is that a good thing?

I remember a rant to Jesus...he came again to save us and he was asked to fucking go away - mankind doesn't want choice. I know I don't - if you give me a choice between being an automaton with no chance of making a mistake, and being a free spirit with the chance that my actions could send me to eternal torment - I'd choose being a member of kraftwerk.

Is couple-dom a comfort blanket? Why would I want that? I know I liked the LJness of coupledom - every experience I had, every thought, was stored away for possible conversation later. Instead of just living, there was some reporting aspect to life. There was also he huge benefit of someone to tell me I looked like a gay pirate, and might consider not wearing that shirt...ever.

Maybe I like being single. Perhaps I like the fact that my time is my own, that every interaction has some possibility, that I am independent and my actions only carry ramifications for me. I certainly choose the state often enough. I claim I don't like it, I don't think I like it, but if I don't then perhaps it's time I admit to myself that I might like it better than the alternatives.

Comments

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Obviously I love the rant, but I don't buy the idea that the area is to blame. I'm tempted to look at my situation and claim that my "problem," if I deem it that, is merely one of lack of exposure. I have learned to look inside instead - a geographic area cannot be the reason. If I encounter the same problem in 3 people it might be them, but when I encounter dozens, hundreds, or thousands of people and have similiar issues, then I have to find the solution lies within me.

I just remind myself I have been in a relationship and unhappy, that I have ended many and many more were fought off when I saw it going in that direction. I'm over the relationship phobia (finally), but I'm remaining far from the serial codependence that remains an American mainstay.

[wabmart.livejournal.com]

I don't think it "sounds bad" to say you don't like being single. There's an experience you haven't had in a while and you miss it. What's wrong with that?

[vicar.livejournal.com]

It ranks up there with guys whining that they "can't get laid." If you want to get laid, talking about the fact that you "can't" is one way to ensure that becomes the case. Desperation is inferred in the statement.

I don't care much about the impression I give in some areas. I don't care if people think my friends are losers, if I'm a loser...that sort of thing. I do care if someone thinks me or my friends are mean - I say I have no shame, but I do have a strong sense of morality and do care about that aspect of my reputation.

[wabmart.livejournal.com]

I think there's a big difference. "I can't get laid" is whiny and essentially externalizes the issue. "I don't like being single" is a perfectly valid self-assessment. You're making a simply factual statement about your own psychology.

Hell, I'd say it's also fine to say "I have trouble meeting people because I have no idea how to make the cold approach". As long as the subtext doesn't effectively blame everyone but the speaker for the situation.

[greatevil.livejournal.com]

I still say if your saying that you "can't get laid" then your not trying. at the extreem end is paying for it. There is a long line of people between who you want / like to sleep with and paying for it.

I say as long as you say "I won't sleep with X" then you don't realy want to get laid.

The only thing "can't" about the "can't get laid" people is they can't get out of there own way.

But as we all know it's rarly just about sex.

[ovipositor.livejournal.com]

Man, I am loving being single. I'm back in the city and it feels like I am having this personal renaissance of frolicking. I often feel like it's looked down upon to admit that I don't particularily care to be in a relationship, but enjoy sex. But whatever, I think as I slip into theoretical middle age, I care less about that and aim for what makes me happy. Or maybe it's just that weird over 30 sex drive kicking in: gotta go, gotta breed!

I'd do ya...hell, who wouldn't?

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Yeah but...you're hawt and work in a club. That is a very uh...opportunity filled venue, if you will. I think it's cool how "fuck what they think" you always have been. I still credit you with helping influence me that having money is not an end...it's something that allows you to do something else (like run off to Germany).

Then again I also credit you with observing that not having a car leads to lots of opportunities as you need a ride all the time...

[jwitcraft.livejournal.com]

You do have options.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I do, I know, but they never seem to work out. It's not a question of unable, but not really finding the opportunities what i want (but I've figured out I don't know what I want, which seems like an important step).

Of course I'm totally hot in the gay scene - I mean if I wanted dick I could have fountains of them, but I don't.

[jwitcraft.livejournal.com]

:) I am working on ..certain things as well.

[cweaselle.livejournal.com]

I seem to only find someone when I'd rather be alone. Like now. :(

[vicar.livejournal.com]

"I keeps a lightin da matches,
and he keeps a blowin dem out."

[desiringmachine.livejournal.com]

if you never said anything you weren't supposed to say, you wouldn't post much, or talk much, aside from how awesome going to the gym is.

i was always ok with being single, when i was. most of my relationships have ended badly, another one was never something i pursued. just wasn't something i avoided either.

you've never struck me as terribly needy or desperate, i don't think you have to worry about people suddenly seeing you that way if you admit that it would be nice to have somebody.