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Jun. 4th, 2005 08:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzI don't like being single. Of course I know you're not supposed to say things like that, and I know you're not supposed to "look for a relationship." I know these things, but I have changed, upped the standard, reeled in the libido, and behaved with some shred of dignity for some time now. I just don't think I like being single, and I don't mind saying that despite how bad it sounds to say it out loud. The funny part is while I don't think I like being single, but I don't dislike it enough to pursue anyone "despite their flaws." I don't see a single "blip on the radar." I still quote Wendy's rant "It's not you, it's me. No wait...you know what? It is you. There is always a reason why it's a bad idea, but the ones that make it are the ones I thought were worth it despite some issue. You just aren't making me feel like making that leap."
What is it I don't like about being single, or do like about being half of a couple (or a slice in a giant wheel of debauchery - why pigeonhole yourself)? Is there comfort in being taken or not having pursuit always an option and possibly directed at you? It's not tempting to look at sex for answers - yeah sex is wonderful, but after a few months it slides down the priority pole (huh huh, sex slides down the pole, huh huh). Is it the lack of options, is that a good thing?
I remember a rant to Jesus...he came again to save us and he was asked to fucking go away - mankind doesn't want choice. I know I don't - if you give me a choice between being an automaton with no chance of making a mistake, and being a free spirit with the chance that my actions could send me to eternal torment - I'd choose being a member of kraftwerk.
Is couple-dom a comfort blanket? Why would I want that? I know I liked the LJness of coupledom - every experience I had, every thought, was stored away for possible conversation later. Instead of just living, there was some reporting aspect to life. There was also he huge benefit of someone to tell me I looked like a gay pirate, and might consider not wearing that shirt...ever.
Maybe I like being single. Perhaps I like the fact that my time is my own, that every interaction has some possibility, that I am independent and my actions only carry ramifications for me. I certainly choose the state often enough. I claim I don't like it, I don't think I like it, but if I don't then perhaps it's time I admit to myself that I might like it better than the alternatives.
What is it I don't like about being single, or do like about being half of a couple (or a slice in a giant wheel of debauchery - why pigeonhole yourself)? Is there comfort in being taken or not having pursuit always an option and possibly directed at you? It's not tempting to look at sex for answers - yeah sex is wonderful, but after a few months it slides down the priority pole (huh huh, sex slides down the pole, huh huh). Is it the lack of options, is that a good thing?
I remember a rant to Jesus...he came again to save us and he was asked to fucking go away - mankind doesn't want choice. I know I don't - if you give me a choice between being an automaton with no chance of making a mistake, and being a free spirit with the chance that my actions could send me to eternal torment - I'd choose being a member of kraftwerk.
Is couple-dom a comfort blanket? Why would I want that? I know I liked the LJness of coupledom - every experience I had, every thought, was stored away for possible conversation later. Instead of just living, there was some reporting aspect to life. There was also he huge benefit of someone to tell me I looked like a gay pirate, and might consider not wearing that shirt...ever.
Maybe I like being single. Perhaps I like the fact that my time is my own, that every interaction has some possibility, that I am independent and my actions only carry ramifications for me. I certainly choose the state often enough. I claim I don't like it, I don't think I like it, but if I don't then perhaps it's time I admit to myself that I might like it better than the alternatives.
