(no subject)
Mar. 25th, 2005 08:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzThey way to the top in the office? Be like the fat fag! (I'm quoting)
http://www.bravotv.com/Project_Runway/The_Designers/Jay/
I was thinking about a couple of folks on LJ whining about work, when I clicked on the mind-drug and hopped over to bravo. Just before going to school, I got to see a finger-in-face bitch-fest with Wendy, Kara, and poor Jay stuck sort of in the middle (or off to the side).
Many people whine about being wanting to be left alone at work, as though they can work in social isolation. Many people complain about the sophomoric behavior of the people around them. Many people complain about backstabbers and cheaters in the office. These problems are real! They won't go away! Most people learn their basic social skills by the 8th grade, but also fail to extend past that. They continue through life playing the same games - it's not immature per se, it's just...average. Still - most of us don't progress either. Just complaining about how the office people suck and not learning to work around that is also a form of stagnation. Er, many people think when you say "many people" on LJ you're just begging for drama < Ducks >.
Talent aside, Jay showed what I consider to be the best possible social skill in the office for the long-term. He rarely said anything negative, even if the whole crew was ripping on someone. He always said something positive, or just made a joke about himself and fluttered away. He was like a duck - water just flowed right off of him. He was also humble. He didn't make the arrogant statements about his abilities, or when he did it was jokingly done. He was aloof and silly, good god the thinks he threw on put QE's Carson to shame - and ensured he wasn't taken seriously.
Jay's conduct made it very unlikely he would be the target of aggression. He did his work and did it well. He made fun of himself, so he wasn't a likely target for the insecure backstabbing folk - why attack someone who says they are clueless? I tend to think he just knew that work would prevail regardless of the political games of the players, though it's also possible he was just more into the work than his competitor's issues. He never acted as an aggressor or an ally to one, so the people that wanted to fight found no ammo in him. So with his simple aloof nature, he kept the riff raff off of him.
The real trick was that he had that distance without coming across as fake. That is a difficult balance, for being aloof is one thing - but being distant in the workplace is almost always a liability. A lot of those people who suck in the office have little else in their lives - they're miserable and the office squabbles are how they define themselves. If they see someone as not caring about the office, or being involved elsewhere to the point they don't share it with the office, they just go bonkers. Whether they realize or not, the difference and/or envy make them enter a frenzy of attack to tear down at the person who dares to enjoy life more than they do.
"Be like a duck" only applies to the water issue. If you "paddle like the dickens underneath the surface" then eventually that is going to show. The real trick is to be as calm and water-shedding as the duck appears. If you are just covering up your reaction inside, eventually you'll crack and most people can read through a facade anyway.
My 2ยข - your mileage and interpretation may vary - opinions welcome as always!
http://www.bravotv.com/Project_Runway/The_Designers/Jay/
I was thinking about a couple of folks on LJ whining about work, when I clicked on the mind-drug and hopped over to bravo. Just before going to school, I got to see a finger-in-face bitch-fest with Wendy, Kara, and poor Jay stuck sort of in the middle (or off to the side).
Many people whine about being wanting to be left alone at work, as though they can work in social isolation. Many people complain about the sophomoric behavior of the people around them. Many people complain about backstabbers and cheaters in the office. These problems are real! They won't go away! Most people learn their basic social skills by the 8th grade, but also fail to extend past that. They continue through life playing the same games - it's not immature per se, it's just...average. Still - most of us don't progress either. Just complaining about how the office people suck and not learning to work around that is also a form of stagnation. Er, many people think when you say "many people" on LJ you're just begging for drama < Ducks >.
Talent aside, Jay showed what I consider to be the best possible social skill in the office for the long-term. He rarely said anything negative, even if the whole crew was ripping on someone. He always said something positive, or just made a joke about himself and fluttered away. He was like a duck - water just flowed right off of him. He was also humble. He didn't make the arrogant statements about his abilities, or when he did it was jokingly done. He was aloof and silly, good god the thinks he threw on put QE's Carson to shame - and ensured he wasn't taken seriously.
Jay's conduct made it very unlikely he would be the target of aggression. He did his work and did it well. He made fun of himself, so he wasn't a likely target for the insecure backstabbing folk - why attack someone who says they are clueless? I tend to think he just knew that work would prevail regardless of the political games of the players, though it's also possible he was just more into the work than his competitor's issues. He never acted as an aggressor or an ally to one, so the people that wanted to fight found no ammo in him. So with his simple aloof nature, he kept the riff raff off of him.
The real trick was that he had that distance without coming across as fake. That is a difficult balance, for being aloof is one thing - but being distant in the workplace is almost always a liability. A lot of those people who suck in the office have little else in their lives - they're miserable and the office squabbles are how they define themselves. If they see someone as not caring about the office, or being involved elsewhere to the point they don't share it with the office, they just go bonkers. Whether they realize or not, the difference and/or envy make them enter a frenzy of attack to tear down at the person who dares to enjoy life more than they do.
"Be like a duck" only applies to the water issue. If you "paddle like the dickens underneath the surface" then eventually that is going to show. The real trick is to be as calm and water-shedding as the duck appears. If you are just covering up your reaction inside, eventually you'll crack and most people can read through a facade anyway.
My 2ยข - your mileage and interpretation may vary - opinions welcome as always!
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no subject
Date: 2005-03-25 02:27 pm (UTC)"If they see someone as not caring about the office, or being involved elsewhere to the point they don't share it with the office, they just go bonkers. Whether they realize or not, the difference and/or envy make them enter a frenzy of attack to tear down at the person who dares to enjoy life more than they do."
Yup. People who invest all they have in their career (and feel like they don't get enough in return) are threatened by those who don't. But the only way to handle it is to ignore it, be honest but mild, and concentrate on enjoying your own life.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-25 03:00 pm (UTC)I've thought about giving the advice to show up at work, have a friend call, then bawl and get no work done all day. Shut your door or run out of your cube, be totally freaked out but never tell anyone why. That way, the nuts will be happy to know that your life isn't perfect - and fantasize that you're as miserable as they are. A lot of effort, but sometimes it's worth it.
Plus it's always fun to do theatre.
I'm in the fortunate position of watching the people I befriended and was open with moving up the ladder. They know both me and my work, and I think that will benefit me if I ever need something. I let them be the point of the V, avoiding the headwind yet being far up in the flock. Uh, or something.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-25 03:30 pm (UTC)Actually, I don't think my coworkers are openly jealous of me. Rather, I've always suspected that my coworkers mostly pity me (but are also somewhat threatened by me):
Many of the other attorneys here seem to consider me a) immature and b) completely clueless about the behavior approriate to and expected of a mid-level associate.
In my defense, I do have an iPod and an SUV and a condo in DuPont. Also, I've lasted 5 years here, which is better than about 80% of the associates here (this is where the "threatened by" part comes in -- since I haven't played by the rules, I should have been out on my ass a long time ago).
"Gov, club scene...the stupid want to be on top"
Evidence of their stupidity.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-25 03:39 pm (UTC)I am amazed at your stamina (off the dance floor).
Your defense is weak:
1. Ipod, is a form of isolationism.
2. Your SUV not only doesn't qualify visually, but even if it did would be disqualified because you a) have a legitimate need for it, and b) use it for SUV type activity.
3. Condo - I've seen it. Next?
no subject
Date: 2005-03-25 03:56 pm (UTC)Um, unless they're at the nightclubs with you, then how the hell do they know what you're doing or whether you're old enough to know better?
I don't know. I never deliberately tried to schmooze anyone when I was in the corporate world. But given that I loved my job, and I find people interesting, I was just as likely to invite the VP to a dinner party as I was to get coffee for or with the admins or hang out playing pool with the engineers.
When one is working a job, you're not working in a vacuum. (Unless you're a research scientist, maybe.) So talking with the people around you and getting to know them _is_ a requirement.
Of course, the sales execs at my job hated me for the "schmoozing" I was doing, because they felt my relationships undermined *their* relationships. Really, there's no winning with some people ;-)
no subject
Date: 2005-03-25 10:08 pm (UTC)As you noted in your response, you can't avoid some interaction with your co-workers, including getting to know them, which includes how they spend their "free time." I dedicate way too much time to my job already, so I'm not inclined to go to more effort to conceal what I do socially ;)
My point was more, I don't dedicate 100% of my life to my job, or to things "appropriate" for someone of my age and career path, and I make no secret of this. I really get very little free time from my job, and I choose to spend what time I do have on those things I honestly enjoy, rather than "invest" that spare time by playing golf, etc. with coworkers, chasing a sig. other, or putting on a sparkly halter top and sipping expensive drinks at Dream. This makes me VERY different from my coworkers, and some of them see this as immaturity or inappropriate behavior on my part.
My feelings are that, as long as I do my work and do it well, and act appropriately in the office and with clients, I can live my personal life as I choose.
no subject
Date: 2005-03-25 10:27 pm (UTC)Oh, so I should stop chasing you around when you don a tiny top in the club, huh?
no subject
Date: 2005-03-25 11:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-25 02:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-25 03:42 pm (UTC)