(no subject)

[vicarz]

Last night class was canceled even though school was open. I'm way ahead in my studies in once sense, as in all but one class I'm still working on-pace with the syllabus. I was going to be 100% caught up, but a glance at my writing class uncovered an unexpected 4 more hours of prep time which ate my night right up.

I think I enjoy this. The sick sick truth exposed, but while I'm tired I always feel like I have something important to do. It's not a choice, it's a mission. I've pushed aside love, lovers, friends, family, my physical and mental health, all for this...study of law? Push to get grades? In my mind, not matter how often I joke that I choose to do this and could quit, it's not an option. I think if I ever believed for a moment that it was optional that I'd quit. Law school is like a long drawn-out version of "gimmie one more rep."

I'm slow. Many of my classmates do far more in far less time. I catch up with them through sheer force of will. I'm the boxer who wins the fight through heart rather than skill. I can't possibly win, but I refuse to go down.

There are crumbs on the counter. Last night I pushed last week's dry laundry to the side to hang new laundry. I can see debris on the floor, and don't even know where the vacuum is - probably helping dry something black. The bathroom floor is covered with black lint. Books and paper form a nest around my chair.

In other news I told my boss I am going to jail. She gave me that look. I said well I don't know exactly for how long, or when...but the next time that Asian guy gets on my metro-train and sings a hymn...I'm bound to snap.

Comments

[vicar.livejournal.com]

So the message is...work like a slave to own my own firm or win over a workaholic? What does "push back" mean? I think you're saying the ones that had a lower "fuck you, I'm going home" threshold made it, but I'm not sure.

I have no such choice - my work is just 40 hours and school is what I make of it. I could just sort-of attend classes and then panic/cram for the exams, but my current insane try-hard schedule is only netting me a 3.17 gpa, bottom of the top third class rank. Less effort would certainly result in less rank.

[translucent-eye.livejournal.com]

That was more for the after law school - was it worth it question.

Its the people the gave in and worked all day and night, and every weekend and weekend night that ended up getting screwed over in the end. Not so much as in not being financially rewarded, but the ones that said 'I've got to go home' had more staying power, and lasted until the end.

But if you want to know where he was when he was working for a law firm for a few years, to where he advanced through the last 5 years as he opened his own practice...I can tell you. I won't put it on LJ though. Lets just say even if he hadn't decided to be a workaholic setting up his own practice was well worth it.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Good points. I have already decided (subject to revision) to be very open about my non-desire to work for 80 hours a week regardless of pay. I'm willing to work for a salary commiserate with my hours per week. If a lawyer makes 200k at 80 hours a week, leave me at 40. Then again, I already make a reasonable amount with Federal work so I may not leave Federal at all.

I know the sicko bling-bling that is available to the hard-working lawyers, but even if I was interested - I am ten years behind many legal peers. I would have far less time to enjoy the fruits of my labor. Plus, people who get that caught up in it seem not to escape - they just die rich and leave the fruit to their punk-rock ungreatful spoiled kids.