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I need to write about things other than pain and angst. I orient towards the negative, healing pain (or licking wounds), but have other things to talk about.
Actions. I whined that the statue of somebody by the bridge said nothing about who the person really was. There is a response - you'll be judged by your actions, the results, not the things you talked about. You acted. An apology is just a pile of words, if it has value it might be in the fact an apology is often a commitment to act another way. I apologize a lot, but may need to focus a tad more on actions.
I'm half writing this ... well in no small part because I slept for shit last night, and am considering whether my NPR donation this year should be given to cartoon network's adult swim stoner writer collective (please tell me they're a nonprofit). I was so tired after not sleeping that i fucked up making coffee, so I have 24 oz for breakfast rather than 16. I'm half writing this because I feel overwhelmed
despite not even having to work more than 4 hours this entire week.
Really, I feel overwhelmed.
What do I actually have to do? I'm churning away at my video game, loving it, but it is not a job. I cleaned a couple things, brought the day bed home and squeezed it back into my office. I have a girlfriend.
In other news holy fuck my friends. Holy inarticulate me my friends. So, in following commitments with action news, I've hit another snowball effect with my friends. I have some really fucking cool friends, smart friends, reliable friends, real friends, and dare I say that many of them have also morphed into adults. It's the strangest fucking thing,
maybe I should outgrow the profanity phase along with the double negatives
but my ... active decision to try to be a better friend, to listen to my friends - really listen, is paying off dividends. That's not why I did it, but when I make an effort to listen to my friends, they come alive. I mean it's sad I'd have to make an effort, but when I make the effort, and in-between commas, fuck, my friends light up and share more. They get more animated, they share more and what they share brings life to the conversation. I mean this may just be the very definition of a conversation, but for me, for now, it's a new discovery.
What the hell am I saying. I'm saying I'm rediscovering old friends. I'm discovering how much they are there for me; how I have good friends. I'm discovering how much they have to offer all over again, that our commonalities of experience and thought go deeper than I often think about. I'm discovering that when I attune to them better, they respond and that draws me in more, we talk about deeper issues or just connect more, and around here all I can allude to is a snowball effect or say it feels like a warm glow.
Then I wonder if this extra coffee was really necessary.
Ok and a public to me comment, which was the point of this post - the list of things I really need to do is not that long. Yes I'm on leave but I need to sit down, now would be far better than later, and do the phone interviews of potential witnesses on the list due the 19th. I feel overwhelmed by 1 filing and 20 interviews (maybe only 10), moving furniture, paying bills, gym training, friend meetings, meeting with the man who is costing me thousands of dollars at my not-house, and doing medical forms and scheduling for the upcoming surgery.
Actions. I whined that the statue of somebody by the bridge said nothing about who the person really was. There is a response - you'll be judged by your actions, the results, not the things you talked about. You acted. An apology is just a pile of words, if it has value it might be in the fact an apology is often a commitment to act another way. I apologize a lot, but may need to focus a tad more on actions.
I'm half writing this ... well in no small part because I slept for shit last night, and am considering whether my NPR donation this year should be given to cartoon network's adult swim stoner writer collective (please tell me they're a nonprofit). I was so tired after not sleeping that i fucked up making coffee, so I have 24 oz for breakfast rather than 16. I'm half writing this because I feel overwhelmed
despite not even having to work more than 4 hours this entire week.
Really, I feel overwhelmed.
What do I actually have to do? I'm churning away at my video game, loving it, but it is not a job. I cleaned a couple things, brought the day bed home and squeezed it back into my office. I have a girlfriend.
In other news holy fuck my friends. Holy inarticulate me my friends. So, in following commitments with action news, I've hit another snowball effect with my friends. I have some really fucking cool friends, smart friends, reliable friends, real friends, and dare I say that many of them have also morphed into adults. It's the strangest fucking thing,
maybe I should outgrow the profanity phase along with the double negatives
but my ... active decision to try to be a better friend, to listen to my friends - really listen, is paying off dividends. That's not why I did it, but when I make an effort to listen to my friends, they come alive. I mean it's sad I'd have to make an effort, but when I make the effort, and in-between commas, fuck, my friends light up and share more. They get more animated, they share more and what they share brings life to the conversation. I mean this may just be the very definition of a conversation, but for me, for now, it's a new discovery.
What the hell am I saying. I'm saying I'm rediscovering old friends. I'm discovering how much they are there for me; how I have good friends. I'm discovering how much they have to offer all over again, that our commonalities of experience and thought go deeper than I often think about. I'm discovering that when I attune to them better, they respond and that draws me in more, we talk about deeper issues or just connect more, and around here all I can allude to is a snowball effect or say it feels like a warm glow.
Then I wonder if this extra coffee was really necessary.
Ok and a public to me comment, which was the point of this post - the list of things I really need to do is not that long. Yes I'm on leave but I need to sit down, now would be far better than later, and do the phone interviews of potential witnesses on the list due the 19th. I feel overwhelmed by 1 filing and 20 interviews (maybe only 10), moving furniture, paying bills, gym training, friend meetings, meeting with the man who is costing me thousands of dollars at my not-house, and doing medical forms and scheduling for the upcoming surgery.
