I'm in a pickle

I'm on vacation this week, but it's just a staycation. I thought strongly about going to Canada (probably too late, but I looked to find DC to Toronto is an 8 hour drive - which is only 2-4 hours more annoying than flying and $400 or more cheaper). Obviously here I be, so problems included not planning firmly enough (i.e. outside my head), a doctor appt. from a guy who is hard to see (Tues), a meeting that was scheduled by my 2nd up the chain boss who knows I'm on vacation but set it for Tues anyway, witness prep for my testimony OGC begged me to do this week - set for Thur, and my fear of what a shot in my ass will do to me physically. I also have a MSJ due Fri which I have to revise from a prior motion (and haven't really started - I don't have the depo transcript yet). I'm probably working 2/5 days on my 'vacation.'

I just looked at my icons and 3 of them are humping. 1 of the 3: robots.

A public sorry Sarah, because I'm not sure I'll get another chance this winter. Not saying never but snow makes everything less driveable and I didn't really coordinate. I do wanna see you and watch your face move when you talk. A lot. I was a little put off when you were in the US sort of unannounced but I had no reason to be.

Also Kel but I don't think she reads this.

I just wrote my contractor to ask what's going on. Another update promised and not delivered. My life is all on hold due to adult things about me that I can't control:
1. Move-in theoretically ever:
House, not passed inspection, lacks floors, walls, fixtures, and even if they started today I couldn't move in for 2-3 weeks or more. It's fucking NOVEMBER. However, all other events are beholden to moving out and into my new place...but it's not clear when that will be. I'm losing thousands every month this doesn't happen - rent on 3 places basically.
2. Butt surgery - labral tear:
I'm probably going to get it, and it makes me immobile/crutches for 4 weeks or so. I drive a stick shift. I don't have family in the area nor live with anyone / not partnered, so the lack of independence and lack of ...resources? makes this a huge deal, PLUS my job requires travel on a schedule I can't control much. Then, how would I move to DC with a surgery-butt?
3. Oral surgery:
I brush too much? I failed by putting off periodontal work (grafts where gums receded) and I'm still not sure if I need a root canal or not. I've never had that sort of thing but do believe it will suck. I sort of wanted to be situated before diving into that. Wait, I'm an idiot...I should up my dental rider/insurance knowing this is a possibility DUH.

These things all take weeks or months each, yet they are all basically incompatible. Could I do a move, butt surgery, and breath-destroying mouth surgery in the same week or month? My god.

And dating.
Friends corrected me on the concept, and I've sort of realized I don't know what is supposed to happen. My dating experience is 7 years old. So this is the internet, but I think it's safe enough to say I don't know how to date. My former experience was meeting people in clubs and parties, then hanging out separately if it seemed we got along, but the clubs are gone and the parties are...full of my old, married, and not-dating-compatible friends. I met someone who is...a lot like me in resume ways, but someone I know who is dating (possibly a lot). I sort of stopped looking because...it seemed rude? At least now I know I'm clueless - starting with that as an assumption baseline is helpful. But cutting off the world because of one person who is out there dating is insane. At the same time I don't think I'm going to look - I feel like a loser single, but it might not hurt to have some adjustment time. Also, that's a lot of food/drinks with friends opportunities, gym time, and sleep I should enjoy while I can.

Kinda feel like throwing in the towel - I mean I really like freedom and hanging out with friends, so couldn't I just have a robot at home for sex? I could always jam human analogs on the washing machine or something (though this might restrict who I could have as a roommate).

Trying to ignore the dream about kids for now.

Today's date: I measured myself and my chest went from a 36 to 38, waist is a whopping 32" (now that's just fat), and neck from 15-15.5. So I'm going to potatomills - which I haven't done in YEARS (never date in b'more ever again, said before and broke before) - to shop for clothes and just to ... be out. Alone. Call it urban hiking. I hang out with a friend tonight. Tomorrow I get a shot in the ass so I am not sure I'll be mobile (I also voted early to avoid problems with that) and I have to work (via computer and phone). I don't need to plan more than 2 days in advance, right?

Learned something I might have

I'm so grateful that I've somehow garnered some really good friends. Noted most of my friends are exes and ex romantic interests, unfulfilled, mostly not unfulfilled but in all cases I'm incredibly lucky to have the company I keep.

I learned a half dozen lessons again tonight, most of which I sort of learned on the inside. One of the best things I ever learned, for me, was not making decisions right away. Learning to sit back, absorb, but not process. It takes a few drinks before my shields come down enough to listen, and I don't trust myself until I've had time to simmer.

If I learned anything it's that I have no idea how I feel - I'm better at analytics than determining my feelings - new, old, basic, ... well mostly basic.

Knowing I'm an idiot and working with that as an underlying assumption is an absolute gift.

I'm stupid, yet I need to listen to how I feel. I don't know how I feel, and yet I sort of do if I would just listen.

I know this sounds crazy and/or basic but it's quite a study for me. I'm stupid - work with it (doe-eyed Whoa).

Trains to Toronto are cheap but take longer than driving.