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Oct. 19th, 2014 07:50 amand mom left. I'm confused how her crazy drives me so crazy.
I'm partially writing this now to ensure I sit still and by the phone in case she has some disaster and needs to call for help/directions.
She's sloppy - I'm a neat freak who hates to clean. She discovered my sunflower seeds and now I don't know if I'll ever get them all up off the floor.
She's shaky and deteriorating - I don't like the reasons why and she swears she flew through a physical, which I do not believe looking at her, but I'm not going to intervene or control her. So her hands constantly shake which contributes to being sloppy generally, and starting to accept more and more easily avoidable problems in her life.
She's likely careening towards disaster - she's back with that boyfriend, and while I'm sure that's harmless, I don't see her creating a stable environment from which she can age and be taken care of as her facilities increase their downward slope. I don't want to take care of my mother and our family has always raised us for and expecting everyone to show independence.
She's isolated - her lefty online community is sort of her entire life. I'm not sure how I feel about it - I hate it, she's hard to talk to, and she's addicted to it like a tween on facebook (ok, tumbler or whatever I haven't heard of yet). However, unlike the televangelist path her mother took, she's actually talking to and meeting people in person. My social life is based on nightclubs - who am I to judge her interests and associations?
I know having someone in your house is a stressor, but the high-strung way I get around her I can't really explain with the raw facts.
I have my renfest ticket with me today, the 2nd pass from the one I bought with Janna; I don't have any plans to use it. It's only $10-20 lost but I loathe waste. However, I'd easily pay $10 not to have to drive out there, and sit for god knows how many hours trying to get out of the parking lot on the last day. I like renfest but it's not that big a deal to me. More important today is my gymbrah workout and possibly renovation help or just hang time. Might hang out with other crazy friends tonight.
Now I can start to focus on getting adequately rested, preparing for a type of depo I've never done before, rally my forces on a demanding case (same), and even just face the logistics of how I'm going to pack and plan my workouts for this coming travel week.
Maybe when I get back and life returns to normal I can face my issues, my brain issues:
Where am I romantically? I'm not 100%, a little crazy, but I think I'm getting more grounded...to the point I didn't realize I wasn't grounded after the breakup. I think that's good, but doesn't tell me where I am.
What do I do? What should I be doing with my time? I went from running around distracting myself to a hermit phase; what should I be doing, with whom? What should I avoid? \
Halloween: It's this week, I won't live in my house, but I've got candy and pumpkins. I better arrange a way to light the porch and hang out the hours it'll take to wrap up the holiday. I'm going to make candy-giving happen, however uncomfortable. I also have...4? 6? parties to balance, plus no costume actually prepared. This trip is killing me, with the visit and work travel killing the 2 weeks before halloween; hello stress.
Physical: I could get mouth/dental crap done, I should get the "diagnostic" cortisone shot whether I'm going to surgery or not, and I need to revisit my gym program to determine direction, depth, and a long-term goal.
Financial: The markets are busy and I should revisit where I am in light of the final payment for my renovation crap.
House: oh fucking god will that ever end. Inspection for this week postponed until this coming week.
Car: pecker asked to pay, I allowed it, but he's been radio silent. (edit - he texted me back but I missed the text, so that looks good) (now not sure i try to get the car fixed while out of town, but that leaves me arriving home Fri with a friend's party I could hit that I would have to ride or cab to)
I make lists of things to do; helps.
I'm partially writing this now to ensure I sit still and by the phone in case she has some disaster and needs to call for help/directions.
She's sloppy - I'm a neat freak who hates to clean. She discovered my sunflower seeds and now I don't know if I'll ever get them all up off the floor.
She's shaky and deteriorating - I don't like the reasons why and she swears she flew through a physical, which I do not believe looking at her, but I'm not going to intervene or control her. So her hands constantly shake which contributes to being sloppy generally, and starting to accept more and more easily avoidable problems in her life.
She's likely careening towards disaster - she's back with that boyfriend, and while I'm sure that's harmless, I don't see her creating a stable environment from which she can age and be taken care of as her facilities increase their downward slope. I don't want to take care of my mother and our family has always raised us for and expecting everyone to show independence.
She's isolated - her lefty online community is sort of her entire life. I'm not sure how I feel about it - I hate it, she's hard to talk to, and she's addicted to it like a tween on facebook (ok, tumbler or whatever I haven't heard of yet). However, unlike the televangelist path her mother took, she's actually talking to and meeting people in person. My social life is based on nightclubs - who am I to judge her interests and associations?
I know having someone in your house is a stressor, but the high-strung way I get around her I can't really explain with the raw facts.
I have my renfest ticket with me today, the 2nd pass from the one I bought with Janna; I don't have any plans to use it. It's only $10-20 lost but I loathe waste. However, I'd easily pay $10 not to have to drive out there, and sit for god knows how many hours trying to get out of the parking lot on the last day. I like renfest but it's not that big a deal to me. More important today is my gymbrah workout and possibly renovation help or just hang time. Might hang out with other crazy friends tonight.
Now I can start to focus on getting adequately rested, preparing for a type of depo I've never done before, rally my forces on a demanding case (same), and even just face the logistics of how I'm going to pack and plan my workouts for this coming travel week.
Maybe when I get back and life returns to normal I can face my issues, my brain issues:
Where am I romantically? I'm not 100%, a little crazy, but I think I'm getting more grounded...to the point I didn't realize I wasn't grounded after the breakup. I think that's good, but doesn't tell me where I am.
What do I do? What should I be doing with my time? I went from running around distracting myself to a hermit phase; what should I be doing, with whom? What should I avoid? \
Halloween: It's this week, I won't live in my house, but I've got candy and pumpkins. I better arrange a way to light the porch and hang out the hours it'll take to wrap up the holiday. I'm going to make candy-giving happen, however uncomfortable. I also have...4? 6? parties to balance, plus no costume actually prepared. This trip is killing me, with the visit and work travel killing the 2 weeks before halloween; hello stress.
Physical: I could get mouth/dental crap done, I should get the "diagnostic" cortisone shot whether I'm going to surgery or not, and I need to revisit my gym program to determine direction, depth, and a long-term goal.
Financial: The markets are busy and I should revisit where I am in light of the final payment for my renovation crap.
House: oh fucking god will that ever end. Inspection for this week postponed until this coming week.
Car: pecker asked to pay, I allowed it, but he's been radio silent. (edit - he texted me back but I missed the text, so that looks good) (now not sure i try to get the car fixed while out of town, but that leaves me arriving home Fri with a friend's party I could hit that I would have to ride or cab to)
I make lists of things to do; helps.
