(no subject)

[vicarz]

and mom left. I'm confused how her crazy drives me so crazy.

I'm partially writing this now to ensure I sit still and by the phone in case she has some disaster and needs to call for help/directions.

She's sloppy - I'm a neat freak who hates to clean. She discovered my sunflower seeds and now I don't know if I'll ever get them all up off the floor.
She's shaky and deteriorating - I don't like the reasons why and she swears she flew through a physical, which I do not believe looking at her, but I'm not going to intervene or control her. So her hands constantly shake which contributes to being sloppy generally, and starting to accept more and more easily avoidable problems in her life.
She's likely careening towards disaster - she's back with that boyfriend, and while I'm sure that's harmless, I don't see her creating a stable environment from which she can age and be taken care of as her facilities increase their downward slope. I don't want to take care of my mother and our family has always raised us for and expecting everyone to show independence.
She's isolated - her lefty online community is sort of her entire life. I'm not sure how I feel about it - I hate it, she's hard to talk to, and she's addicted to it like a tween on facebook (ok, tumbler or whatever I haven't heard of yet). However, unlike the televangelist path her mother took, she's actually talking to and meeting people in person. My social life is based on nightclubs - who am I to judge her interests and associations?

I know having someone in your house is a stressor, but the high-strung way I get around her I can't really explain with the raw facts.

I have my renfest ticket with me today, the 2nd pass from the one I bought with Janna; I don't have any plans to use it. It's only $10-20 lost but I loathe waste. However, I'd easily pay $10 not to have to drive out there, and sit for god knows how many hours trying to get out of the parking lot on the last day. I like renfest but it's not that big a deal to me. More important today is my gymbrah workout and possibly renovation help or just hang time. Might hang out with other crazy friends tonight.

Now I can start to focus on getting adequately rested, preparing for a type of depo I've never done before, rally my forces on a demanding case (same), and even just face the logistics of how I'm going to pack and plan my workouts for this coming travel week.

Maybe when I get back and life returns to normal I can face my issues, my brain issues:
Where am I romantically? I'm not 100%, a little crazy, but I think I'm getting more grounded...to the point I didn't realize I wasn't grounded after the breakup. I think that's good, but doesn't tell me where I am.
What do I do? What should I be doing with my time? I went from running around distracting myself to a hermit phase; what should I be doing, with whom? What should I avoid? \
Halloween: It's this week, I won't live in my house, but I've got candy and pumpkins. I better arrange a way to light the porch and hang out the hours it'll take to wrap up the holiday. I'm going to make candy-giving happen, however uncomfortable. I also have...4? 6? parties to balance, plus no costume actually prepared. This trip is killing me, with the visit and work travel killing the 2 weeks before halloween; hello stress.
Physical: I could get mouth/dental crap done, I should get the "diagnostic" cortisone shot whether I'm going to surgery or not, and I need to revisit my gym program to determine direction, depth, and a long-term goal.
Financial: The markets are busy and I should revisit where I am in light of the final payment for my renovation crap.
House: oh fucking god will that ever end. Inspection for this week postponed until this coming week.
Car: pecker asked to pay, I allowed it, but he's been radio silent. (edit - he texted me back but I missed the text, so that looks good) (now not sure i try to get the car fixed while out of town, but that leaves me arriving home Fri with a friend's party I could hit that I would have to ride or cab to)

I make lists of things to do; helps.

Comments

[seaopaque.livejournal.com]

...but the high-strung way I get around her I can't really explain with the raw facts.

I puzzle over this, too.

My mother and I do much better at a distance. We have a three-day hang out max before things get non-functional. Two birthdays ago, she visited for a weekend and left town early, that's how bad things were. If I break it down, it's mostly me freaking out over behaviour that doesn't look bad on paper. And her not knowing how to talk to me. All of your posts on facebook about your mom just made you look anal and picky. Clearly they feel different for you, but they don't stand up to reason. We have weird relationships with our moms, based on decades of who-knows-what. All I can suggest is worry less about someone whose life is not yours to live. And do your best to act in a way that you'll feel okay about in the future.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I am anal and picky - of that I don't doubt and there is lots of support for that theory. I also avoid some of the other issues when writing and talk about what can be talked about.

[seaopaque.livejournal.com]

Yes. Your "who-knows-what" is unique and I am of course simplifying. 2D picture to draw conclusions from.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Dude turnabout fair play: a) I do that to others (with tremendous regularity), b) I put that out there so I'd be fool not to expect it to be analyzed as presented, and c) I totally am anal in my no hair and crumbs lifestyle choice. Guilty and not offended and if I was, what right or heightened sensitivity?)

[seaopaque.livejournal.com]

Sometimes your comments make no sense to me. I try to put in punctuation, like commas, 'cause you seem to be averse to commas, but that doesn't always help. I leave the comment in my inbox, thinking that time will cure all confusion. But it doesn't. Like in this case. I have to delete the comment from my inbox, but in order to do that, I feel I must deal with it in some way. And this is how I do that. By commenting and saying I am confused. Oh, well.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I should be more careful with a writer, but I'm lazy.

You seemed to both comment and apologize for doing so, or for the comment being critical. I was saying I both was not offended, but had I been offended, I would not have a right to be so.

Meh you could delete - I'm not terribly sensitive. No obligations, but input always appreciated.

nakeddrunksweating

[seaopaque.livejournal.com]

I forgot everything before nakeddrunksweating

[alumiere.livejournal.com]

I think all of us have bits of ridiculousness around our parents as we get older. Mom did with Grandma, I do with my folks, etc. We're so different from them it's hard.

As for the car, get it fixed while you're away; you can always use uber or lyft if you can't get a ride.