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Apr. 28th, 2010 07:51 amI think I'm getting boring - more so. Yesterday was full of trying not to sleep and not feeling awake until evening - no reason at all. Even the gym felt like a giant weight - not literally, as I usually enjoy that part. I walked through my routine with all the joy of a 9-year-old in a bank line with his mom. Do I have to?
I...never feel like going out anymore. I don't want to hit any of the good-music no-real-dancing nights - if I'm going to sit around and drink without conversation (I don't do well at the loud music conversation thing) I'd really rather drink, alone, and play old video games, alone, or watch tv or summin, alone or with select few - which lately is usually Janna.
Work politics are...I'm finding myself disappointed in our new leader and the initiatives he's being asked to put forth. I mean I don't think I had rosy expectations, but I'm now just listening and putting in a mental timeline of how long until I say fuckit and apply for jobs again. I only have 2 years since the bar, and some would argue I'm a HR Specialist rather than an attorney/litigator due to my classification code. I'm hoping things improve, but I'm always hoping things improve.
I'm also ... the more I work with other attorneys, the more incompetent I feel. It's like I'm just dumb and I can tell - other people remember more than me, see other possibilities more than I, and are able to do the same thing faster. How do you not realize you're weaker? It's like the gym - I can virtually see people around me who are stronger - and while many compliment what I do for my small stature, they lift more than I do - often double what I do. Sure I do more than the average - but far less than anyone else who puts in the time I have in the gym. Or at work.
Think I'll get drunk.
I...never feel like going out anymore. I don't want to hit any of the good-music no-real-dancing nights - if I'm going to sit around and drink without conversation (I don't do well at the loud music conversation thing) I'd really rather drink, alone, and play old video games, alone, or watch tv or summin, alone or with select few - which lately is usually Janna.
Work politics are...I'm finding myself disappointed in our new leader and the initiatives he's being asked to put forth. I mean I don't think I had rosy expectations, but I'm now just listening and putting in a mental timeline of how long until I say fuckit and apply for jobs again. I only have 2 years since the bar, and some would argue I'm a HR Specialist rather than an attorney/litigator due to my classification code. I'm hoping things improve, but I'm always hoping things improve.
I'm also ... the more I work with other attorneys, the more incompetent I feel. It's like I'm just dumb and I can tell - other people remember more than me, see other possibilities more than I, and are able to do the same thing faster. How do you not realize you're weaker? It's like the gym - I can virtually see people around me who are stronger - and while many compliment what I do for my small stature, they lift more than I do - often double what I do. Sure I do more than the average - but far less than anyone else who puts in the time I have in the gym. Or at work.
Think I'll get drunk.
