(no subject)

[vicarz]

I think I'm getting boring - more so. Yesterday was full of trying not to sleep and not feeling awake until evening - no reason at all. Even the gym felt like a giant weight - not literally, as I usually enjoy that part. I walked through my routine with all the joy of a 9-year-old in a bank line with his mom. Do I have to?

I...never feel like going out anymore. I don't want to hit any of the good-music no-real-dancing nights - if I'm going to sit around and drink without conversation (I don't do well at the loud music conversation thing) I'd really rather drink, alone, and play old video games, alone, or watch tv or summin, alone or with select few - which lately is usually Janna.

Work politics are...I'm finding myself disappointed in our new leader and the initiatives he's being asked to put forth. I mean I don't think I had rosy expectations, but I'm now just listening and putting in a mental timeline of how long until I say fuckit and apply for jobs again. I only have 2 years since the bar, and some would argue I'm a HR Specialist rather than an attorney/litigator due to my classification code. I'm hoping things improve, but I'm always hoping things improve.

I'm also ... the more I work with other attorneys, the more incompetent I feel. It's like I'm just dumb and I can tell - other people remember more than me, see other possibilities more than I, and are able to do the same thing faster. How do you not realize you're weaker? It's like the gym - I can virtually see people around me who are stronger - and while many compliment what I do for my small stature, they lift more than I do - often double what I do. Sure I do more than the average - but far less than anyone else who puts in the time I have in the gym. Or at work.

Think I'll get drunk.

Comments

[feistydiva.livejournal.com]

Stop being so self-critical all the time!

...from the gospel according to RuPaul: "You are not who you think you are. This is just a temporary package that you’ve put together on this planet and it’s not to be taken seriously. You’re supposed to have fun with it... Don’t take the human experience too seriously." ;-)

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Sounds like RuPaul's take on religion - I'm a very "I'm here now with a measurable reality" type person. Meh - self critical, while I may overdo it, keeps me working and by some measures succeeding. I call it not failing over time or summin.

Heh :)

[feistydiva.livejournal.com]

LOL... I made up the "gospel according to..." as a bit of a poke at my Cat-a-holic upbringing, recalling how they'd introduce readings and that stuff. I believe there was a St. Paul (or is that Paul St.?) or something. Jack would probably know.

I know how you are. Just relax sometimes... be kind to yourself. You are doing well, and keep in mind at the end of your life no one is going to present you with a report card. Enjoy it!

(I am striving to follow my own advice...)

I before eye

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Good call - I give a lot of, what I consider good, advice, but try to be quite open that I am not 100% successful. I practice what i preach sure, but the operative word is practice.

[cobwellac.livejournal.com]

keep in mind at the end of your life no one is going to present you with a report card.

I love this; it's so true, too.

[justaputz.livejournal.com]

A little early to get drunk, or a little late....

[jukebox-heroine.livejournal.com]

people & situations change...i don't go to the club at all anymore, really. i don't see why that's so bad. it makes room for doing new things, or just different things. & makes the times that you do go more fun.

also, there is ALWAYS going to be someone better than you at something. so just accept it, do the best you can, & move on. you're the one who's better than someone else at something, too. life is short.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

If I did different things sure, and I do...but I spend much time at home doing nothing. I wouldn't mind if I had done something (as though doing nothing at home is different than nothing in a club).

I don't mind that there is someone better than me, it's the ratio that bothers me.