vicarz | (no subject)

I'm afraid I let it happen. I said I wouldn't. I'm letting law school make me into a nervous wreck...no that's not saying it right, I'm becoming a nervous wreck in law school. Do I really have more work this time around, or am I just freaking? Why do I care about class rank and grades? Why is it my friends get the back burner but I seem to have 30 minutes to play diablo? Why has everything from the gym to club activity become a distant priority compared to preparing for my April exams?

I had a conversation with a graying 20-something year-old who has already started carving out his way to the financial top. Same guy who runs around with shorts and button-down long-sleeve work-white shirts and tie. Preppie to a whole new level. Talking to him makes it clear he has his eyes on the prize. Ick. The nice people who don't care about their grades or big $$$ are my friends, but do not inspire me to work less. The go-getters make me ill - often they're quite nice, don't get me wrong...it's just that when...How do I say it? Talking with the people who are after those top dollars reminds me how little I care about those dollars. The people who care about them seem so needy, so broken - hollow, like something serious is missing. Perhaps they're trying to fill something they lack with financial achievement? Money makes up for their lack of personality, interest, soul?

I get all wrapped in competing and rank, but lose perspective as to why the hell I'm doing it in the first place. There are benefits to excelling, but I'm already 10 years into a career. I'm probably not going to start over from scratch, so my ranking isn't so important.

Fighting for rank isn't bad, but letting it affect me and my mood is. I think I need to keep perspective from slipping, adjust back to something rational.