My version of not rational
Nov. 4th, 2015 08:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzI am on my work computed during my week of leave. I took a phone call about a compelling case for settlement, and then wrote a summary to my boss and noted I was happy to discuss. She replied that's great, and we can do so. When. I return from leave next week. She's a mom and it shows.
So I'm here typing because...I just logged onto work so I can coordinate my social calendar, but as I start to flip through my emails it's nigh impossible not to start working. Not only do the tasks just beg for my attention, but each tiny one only takes a moment and ... it's fun.
So it's hard not to work, but I'm doing NOTHING productive at home. I think I only did laundry because it was at V's place while I played with the cat. Somehow I can play video games all day, but filing a stack of papers feels too much like work, while doing actual work does not feel one bit like work. Hooray?
Sex and oppression.
This is a weird one for me. At my tender young age, I think I've come to a deeper understanding of objectification and how annoying it can be. Everybody wants to be pretty, and sexy, but not all the time. Or, not to the point anyone feels entitled to engage you all the time. I'm personally tired of being distracted by 'hot chicks in sports bras,' or random slutty-dressed people I don't know and am not going to know. I can only imagine what it must be like to be female and hot, constantly harassed by people who feel your looks are their privilege and when you dare deny them, it's a hateful act. Sure, it's nice to be attractive, but imagine if my work wasn't taken seriously or was always pushed to the background if I reveal so much as a hint of cleavage?
Then again you don't have to dress sexy. I would like to have purple hair, but it elicits certain predictable reactions. I elicit attention but would be foolish to demand it were all positive.
I've sort of combined my understanding of how as a male, a strong male, I live in a different world than women who are always in physical danger; can't go to their car alone, can't walk in x part of town, have to sit in the outside metro seat to avoid a creeper grope attack, putting up with random gropes, needing to have friends to run with to literally prevent rape...
and how I can't imagine being degraded by people who literally see women as they do porn.
How do I feel about sexually aggressive gay men? I quickly "sigh" when any male attention turns into the hard-press low-chance-but-always-trolling mansexcall, but it's not effecting me at work, is not followed by hostility, and I'm not physically threatened.
My selfish angle is...I'm tired of being distracted by sex. I'm in a relationship without arrangements, and while I want to feel...relevant and alive, I don't want to waste my energies or be distracted. Sure, I'm wired so I'd like to have sex with pretty much everyone I see who is remotely in shape, and that seems to be deeply ingrained. At the same time, I don't want to miss out on people's other benefits, pulled in directions I won't go in, or have someone else "sigh" because they can tell where I just drifted when they'd like to share their other talents.
So I'm here typing because...I just logged onto work so I can coordinate my social calendar, but as I start to flip through my emails it's nigh impossible not to start working. Not only do the tasks just beg for my attention, but each tiny one only takes a moment and ... it's fun.
So it's hard not to work, but I'm doing NOTHING productive at home. I think I only did laundry because it was at V's place while I played with the cat. Somehow I can play video games all day, but filing a stack of papers feels too much like work, while doing actual work does not feel one bit like work. Hooray?
Sex and oppression.
This is a weird one for me. At my tender young age, I think I've come to a deeper understanding of objectification and how annoying it can be. Everybody wants to be pretty, and sexy, but not all the time. Or, not to the point anyone feels entitled to engage you all the time. I'm personally tired of being distracted by 'hot chicks in sports bras,' or random slutty-dressed people I don't know and am not going to know. I can only imagine what it must be like to be female and hot, constantly harassed by people who feel your looks are their privilege and when you dare deny them, it's a hateful act. Sure, it's nice to be attractive, but imagine if my work wasn't taken seriously or was always pushed to the background if I reveal so much as a hint of cleavage?
Then again you don't have to dress sexy. I would like to have purple hair, but it elicits certain predictable reactions. I elicit attention but would be foolish to demand it were all positive.
I've sort of combined my understanding of how as a male, a strong male, I live in a different world than women who are always in physical danger; can't go to their car alone, can't walk in x part of town, have to sit in the outside metro seat to avoid a creeper grope attack, putting up with random gropes, needing to have friends to run with to literally prevent rape...
and how I can't imagine being degraded by people who literally see women as they do porn.
How do I feel about sexually aggressive gay men? I quickly "sigh" when any male attention turns into the hard-press low-chance-but-always-trolling mansexcall, but it's not effecting me at work, is not followed by hostility, and I'm not physically threatened.
My selfish angle is...I'm tired of being distracted by sex. I'm in a relationship without arrangements, and while I want to feel...relevant and alive, I don't want to waste my energies or be distracted. Sure, I'm wired so I'd like to have sex with pretty much everyone I see who is remotely in shape, and that seems to be deeply ingrained. At the same time, I don't want to miss out on people's other benefits, pulled in directions I won't go in, or have someone else "sigh" because they can tell where I just drifted when they'd like to share their other talents.
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no subject
Date: 2015-11-04 03:25 pm (UTC)And they ruin it for the rest of us. I would like to be in the company of fun and attractive people, lots of them. But just in their company. I'm not looking to take it to the next level, I'm happy with a smile or OMG a hug here and there. But since that is apparently not enough for the vast majority of guys, the assumption is always Creeper.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-04 07:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 03:19 pm (UTC)No, not so much. But we're stuck here, you and me, for the next 30 seconds/8 hours or whatever it is, so can we at least not act like the other person isn't there?
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 04:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 04:43 pm (UTC)My thing is, I don't even start the conversation because I assume the other party will assume that's where it's headed, and it happens all the time, and they're over it. Which they're saying clearly with headphones and phone-fiddling and no eye contact.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 05:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 05:30 pm (UTC)Sadly, this means aggressive jerks get all the girls.
So, be true to your intentions and don't live in fear of being misconstrued, is my advice. Heck, even if you were looking for sex, or as I often pursued "maybesex," as long as you're polite...who cares if people get all weird when you don't act weird?
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 05:30 am (UTC)the floor length nightgowns that are two or three sizes too big which are my daily wear in cool weather? sexy. the baggy shorts and t-shirts from college? sexy. a sack big enough for two of me would be sexy to a bunch of men because i must be hiding something under those clothes.
and think about how we judge women at work - professional wear means properly fitted skirt or pants suits, stockings and heels. and if you can't afford or refuse to wear those things you are considered less able, or disruptive or... oh, and those women's work clothes are more poorly made and more expensive over time than men's. so not only do we get paid less, we have to spend more to keep ourselves properly dressed for the work place. and if i chose to wear men's suits and had them tailored to fit, i'd be treated as gender non-conforming or trans* or however people want to other women today (not that gnc or trans* are bad, but they do add to the danger).
so just by being even remotely female we're open to harassment and worse 24x7. ffs, our female presidential candidates are constantly judged on their appearances in tons of ways the men aren't - a woman who had hair as bad as trump's or who clearly cared as little as sanders does about appearance wouldn't even be make it to the dance. also, what you consider to be sexy is never, ever what i've been wearing when i've actually been assaulted, so 'slutty' is not the problem, it's asshole entitled men.
we as a culture have so much work to do to treat people equally regardless of gender/sex. but i love that you are at least trying to understand.
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 10:53 am (UTC)No, you're 100% right, and females in the workplace are slaughtered for looking bad while men look like sacks of potatoes and that's somehow unquestioned. If you're too sexy in the office it's frowned on, but so too is being too dowdy.
Being bi I may objectify men and women, but it's still something I'd like to move past. Not to the point of that side of me changing, but something where I can separate TPOH from work?
no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 03:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 04:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-11-05 04:33 pm (UTC)