Achievement?

[vicarz]

I looked at my stupid plumbing today with the fresh realization it could just stay exactly like it is - I don't need to do any more work. I'm going to look at houses today, which terrifies me all over again as change is...change. What if I buy a house where I'm looking and don't like it? I'm scared of virtually everything social other than sitting with the same friends and talking about mostly the same things
(that may be my favorite thing in the world)
Since the shutdown, my work motivation has plummeted and I'm feeling borderline incompetent again.

I'm trying not to just take my states out of coffee, but without chemical stimulants I'm just not feeling anything.

All these things that annoy me are...not normal. If I was a normal USian, I wouldn't work out, wouldn't force myself to read, wouldn't be mad I'm not putting the right time into my investment research, wouldn't be looking for new homes until a tornado ate my trailer, wouldn't even think about the gym...all these things are voluntary.

Maybe I'm just on my period.

Comments

[joanarkham.livejournal.com]

Home improvements are second only to home buying for stress. And you're doing both? You don't have to be perfect 24/7.

[seaopaque.livejournal.com]

I was wondering about the toilet saga, and what prompted it in the first place (I suppose I could go back and read to find out... but I didn't).

I'm not sure the word "normal" applies to you.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

The old toilet was old and didn't flush very well, and it was wasting a ton of water (not that I pay for water, but I do guilt). I had previously "gutted" it and replaced all the parts, and tried to clean all the lines etc, but it still didn't work well. I may buy another place and rent this out, so having everything perfectly functional is important.

Yeah I'm probably not normal, or I am...seems like everyone is crazy, just some dress-watch-live more mainstream. Trying to fit in - now that'll getcha some real crazy.

[seaopaque.livejournal.com]

Well, that makes perfect sense. That sounds like something a perfectly normal person would do.

Some of my ultimate angst comes when I am trying to fit in. I don't try so much as I used to, but it's still this weird urge I have. An urge that coexists with my general disdain for the status quo, the normal. Which of course only serves to complicate things further.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I think the hardest thing for me was not overcompensating for not fitting in. No really, from not fitting in, to trying and failing, to loudly being different like a 20 year old at pride, to being comfortable in my own skin and interests even if they're not that exciting in reality, to...not caring. I still get into broadcast mode on occasion.

[frontdoorangel.livejournal.com]

Change sucks.

I finally got around to getting a membership to my local Y in the hopes that I might magically find myself in there working out and swimming and doing active things. I figure it took me about 2 years to decide to do it and it will probably be another 2 years before I actually build up the nerve to go.

But, it won't of course because I'm paying for it and my internal insecurities are bound to roll over when confronted with my fear of wasting money.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

No! Do not pay and not go :D so good to run with the not-waste-money issue.

I take the sign in Gold's that notes attendance is half the battle quite seriously. When I can't motivate, I give myself permission to have a half-assed workout. That makes it easy to go to the gym, but I'm so routined it's hard to follow through and be half-assed. All win!