Hope to be crazy

[vicarz]

So I actually think tonight would technically suck, but it's all about what's in my head. Sure it's a divey place, too damn small, and it'll be a bunch of old fuckers standing around talking. I'm good with that - I should do the other version instead at the black cat for one of those many smith-cure-80s type parties.

Today I only worked 5 hours. I've only just now realized the project I asked the alleged capable trainee (the god shows me truth person) to do not only didn't get it done in over 2 days, but she didn't give any kind of progress update and took leave today without leaving any notice whatsoever. Every sign I see points to her failing, which is kinda funny. I just hope they see and do something about it.

Work. I'm thinking about tracks, my dreams and reality there, having a harder time remembering my life-life during those times. Why does life matter when I can't remember who I was, what I did, what I cared about, or why I cared about it 5 years later? It's like I died over and over. I have numbers and paper to show I existed.

Adding in the - god I think this is the first time I've gone out since I was single. I mean outside of the days right after; now it's been some time. Starting over again? It's downright daunting - almost good work is stupid in a way, as an excuse not to face moving forward again. What is that?

I feel crazy again, only with lower amplitude.

Comments

[djpsyche.livejournal.com]

since I was single

Aw, sorry to hear it's ended again.

[fitfool.livejournal.com]

how long have you been newly single for?

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I depends how you count - we were together for 4 years. I think it's been about a month, but I've been abused with work so I don't feel like any real time has passed. Well, I guess now time is passing and I can feel it. It's weird!