I can't turn it off

[vicarz]

I was with a group of people that was listening sympathetically to a compelling story from a woman who ditched a guy after 2 years when he started berating her with a string of misogynistic bullshit. I mean, how can you not listen to a story like that and support her? Well, you could be me quietly wondering how you could date someone for 2 years without noticing a raging system of misogynistic beliefs.

It's like politics - I keep seeing cute pictures of signs in facebook which have a fact scenario which, if true, only can give one answer (which of course is either ragingly conservative or liberal). As always, the underlying facts are unaddressed. In the end everyone is more polarized than ever, they feel gosh darn good about agreeing with themselves, and no one learns a thing.

Comments

[grymnir.livejournal.com]

There are those instances where the "he" is not consciously misogynist, and may even believe he holds egalitarian and progressive views. But then he loses the job, or is told "a woman" got the position or raise and didn't deserve it; or he busted ass from his perspective while his boss spent time away with the new baby or wife, etc.

Essentially, by not receiving the rewards he "deserved" or believing himself frustrated by the system, he then turns on the girlfriend.

By the way -- not condoning, but explaining what I have seen or had explained to me.

Insert vignette here.

Of course -- I have a brother-in-law that this almost applies to. He has now switched majors 3 or 4 times, and this mean entire career tracks, over the past 6 years. My sister has been supporting him (she has the Masters in Biology) but he seems to make no headway in his plans. I've sensed his growing frustration and repressed hostility but he is also an only boy who now finds himself in social competition with siblings for social status -- and they are in southern MD. So I expect more misogyny to come out when this current plan to become a dentist or whatever it is fails.

In the meantime -- you've seen this yourself -- those with self-esteem or image issues stay with the person who "loves" them and they develop excuses and rationales. So it took two years for him to finally go too far? Yes, you are right, the odds are little off-color jokes and cracks were already in use, or he unleashed misogynist invective BUT at targets they both disliked (Palin comes to mind).

[vicar.livejournal.com]

That would fit the and many other scenarios, and we all delude ourselves in romance. Hmm. This must be true - always wondered how I was ever able to fool anyone into dating me...

[desiringmachine.livejournal.com]

2 years seems pretty long, but I had more than one boyfriend who (I later learned) created a persona they thought I would like that wasn't actually them and later when they got tired of the act they resented me for making them go through all the trouble.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Wow and ew. Actually between what you said and what Rikk said that would explain the situation. She seemed pretty well-esteemed and smart so it wouldn't surprise me if there was a good reason.

Needless to say there was no way to ask at the time.