(no subject)

[vicarz]

According to pandora, I'm an electronica emo fag. Hooray.
It's disconcerting that popping "Crystal Castles" to pandora leads to a plethora of songs I like. Lots.

Emotions, their elicitation through music, my reactions to them once generated, other's indulgence in them...it all confuses me. Repeatedly, without generating any useful conclusions.

Personal questions I never can answer for me: What does that feeling mean? Am I really that sensitive, and if so, to what? What does the emotion mean or represent? What does any of that stuff represent? Was I rebel, am I now, and if so in what way when my job is to enforce rules and discipline? Are the rules and manners I want from others really any different than plain old conformity?

It's unhealthy if your emotional exploration hinders you tackling the issues that make it up. I spent a lot of time dancing in nightclubs, but while it felt good I don't think I gave up much to do it. I finished school(s), practiced running and boxing, lifted weights, made friends, had lovers (this was important to me I think), progressed in my job, and bought land. It seems a lot of people do the clubby thing as a phase...and maybe that's not bad, because if it is something that makes you feel better that prevents you from doing things that would fix your underlying situation then you were better off feeling bad.
If moshing works out your anger, it may prevent you from realizing that you'll answer to someone else's whim in your blue collar or service job.
If dressing scary keeps people at bay, you'll probably never learn to fight and always travel with the knowledge that you're ultimately weak.
If putting down the establishment prevents you from being able to support yourself,
the list goes on.

Speaking of dysfunction: Sex is not therapy. Good god the next time I hear someone talking about working out their issues through BDSM or acting like it's a permanent state of being, or express how their spirit ran free as only sex with plain people you meet in clubs can allow...really? I mean dear god fill those holes with prescriptions if you're that unwilling to address your underlying issues. Sex, really? I mean don't get me wrong - sex is wonderful fun, but...it's just sex? How is that spiritual, really? Same as eating? Breathing? How many people keep reliving their self-inflicted pain through costumes, whips, and bizarro role playing rather than just taking the time to get better? I'm sure not all kinks are indications of problems...but the degree to which people indulge and stagnate they may be.

I can't help but notice ... I'm lazy right now. I was hard working in law school, but I've...reverted. It feels hard to do anything - sure I can work out, but trying something new or researching something feels like lead. Hell, when do I ever clean the house anymore...

Comments

[wantedonvoyage.livejournal.com]

Interesting thoughts regarding clubbing, energy, and motivation, as well as what your musical taste says about you, or at least about your mood at the time.

When I was early 20's and figuring out who I was, I listened to a lot of angsty (read: lesbian) music because it was a relief to know that other people felt as isolated and betrayed as I often did. Looking back now I rarely can relate to that music anymore, and when I do it is simultaneous with the impulse to dredge up some of that toxic waste.

From there I went into mindless dance music, and mindless dancing. I worked in a bar in Connecticut (which recently closed, alas) on Fridays and Saturdays after working a 40-hour work week. I think now it was the kind of escapism and avoidance you described, which is why I found the energy for it. I look back now and wonder, "Who was that person?"

For the past few years I am back with rock, and back with music that tells stories. Some of the artists have been with me all along, closer and further to the center of my consciousness; others are new, including the bands I've been discovering and meeting this summer. I don't think it's bad to let what you're feeling be expressed in music that validates or at least resonates with your emotions. And I still do like to get out there on the dance floor once in a while, close my eyes, and just ride the beat.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I think I must be listening to lesbian dance music by that description :)

[peregrin8.livejournal.com]

Wait, why is medication better than sex exactly?

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Because there is some chance the person might get better, and there are some issues that are caused by chemical imbalances which are correctable?

Good point though.

[fitfool.livejournal.com]

I knew one person who self-medicated with sex and it worked with varying degrees of efficacy over the years. Seemed to me like experimenting with sex was about the same as his trying to find the right antidepressant for him.