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[personal profile] vicarz
I'm getting chastised more and more for not being into facebook. "No, I don't know about x that happened to you even if it was on facebook." My page scrolls every couple of hours - why bother looking? "Gee, what's happening right now? Who is a fan of McDonalds for $1 off a Big Mac?

Bobble-head or chicken-neck?

Part of me misses when I thought that being attracted to someone, or being attractive to someone, was important.

Another part of me is admitting that I miss being "important." I worked for so long I'm kind of weak on the "how to play" part of life right now. I, rather than feeding my current perceived need, need to relearn that. I have this identity as a slacker, but people argue with me about that. I never saw myself as hard-working, but I think you can get trapped there for various reasons - most of all habit. In my case, I think I got there out of fear. I am always scared of failing at work, so I work extra hard, take extra steps, and cover every angle I can think of. As an attorney, that's a good thing - but it's damn neurotic.

I think this applies to physical stuff too. I was scared of fighting, so I studied fighting. I felt weak, so I made myself stronger. I was fat, so I learned cardio (see also fighting). I wonder when a fighter has heart - is bravery something they are born with, or is it learned out of fighting fear the way I do. I wonder if there is no one answer - some are born, others can train to the same or better level. No matter.
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vicarz

May 2018

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