(no subject)

[vicarz]

Opportunist: If I didn't show up for work, I wouldn't get 4 hours of early dismissal leave! So here I am in the office.

There here, they're real, and they want to eat your face.

Yesterday I found some 1/2 priced adult swim dvds. I was on the fence about buying them, but I decided to toss them in my cart first and ask about responsibility second. I selected seasons 1&2 metalocalypse, 1-3 venture bros, and of course squidbillies. The total was $90. I quickly closed my browser.

Work has gotten really weird, really weird. It's been noted that I'm well known and respected while a series of management positions are open. I think I'd do well, but I'm not interested. It would help my career and all indications are this would be an easy leap into SES w/n 5 years give or take...but so what? What is that, money? Power? Prestige? I'd rather be comfortable with job I like and less inter-personal conflicts in which I have no choice but to play a significant role.

Yesterday my poor boss had to step between two grown fucking women to keep them from coming to blows. I don't want to be in that position nor would I want to be his boss, and finally I really don't want to answer to the chain of command I see my boss dealing with. I think to be effective I'd have to bury my soft fuzzy self and put on a fair but serious and unforgiving air, be demanding, and ultimately everyone in these roles starts taking shortcuts on professional decorum (rude fuckers). Then there is the blame game, negativity, and common economically efficient "easier to tear others down than to excel myself" ladder climbing crabs-in-a-basket activity.

Yeah I'm totally cool down here. Hell maybe I should quit and blow my savings failing at starting and running a coffee shoppe.

Comments

[likethewatch.livejournal.com]

Have you seen Akira Kurosawa's Ikiru (To Live)? It's about a bureaucrat who suddenly has reason to feel passionate about life, and he makes change through his own office. Like you, he's attained some respect and seniority, and after years of faithful bureaucratic service, he finally uses it to make something good happen. Even though people around him don't necessarily correctly understand his motivations, or credit his dedication, he makes a real difference. It was an inspiring story for me. Since you work in a bureaucracy, you may identify with the main character, Watanabe. He uses the strengths he has to make the machine work for him, like in judo. He's a great hero, because he shows tremendous courage, even though it sounds like there would be no opportunity to show it on the surface: how scary is city hall, really? But it takes courage to oppose will of the powerful.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it takes nothing left to lose, or not valuing the sacrifice you have to make. I could make a difference in a lot of places, but I also want to make me happy.