vicarz | (no subject)

Today I masturbate. I can't see Janna due to work, so I get to wear ugly underwear and not shave. I slept in until 6 rather than getting up at 4:30 (prepping for dst). I "have" to go to the farmer's market. I "should" pay the giant machine room to wash my car. The ceiling has mostly stopped leaking (ok the roof still leaks but there is less up there to leak). I don't need coffee, I could stay here, I should probably walk...but I'm going to drive to my coffee hole, sit, read trash, and drink coffee I don't need. It's going to feel good, lazy and good.

This week has been amazing at work. I have...I've been working my ass off, operating at capacity. I only have about 10 cases right now, but I'm finding I barely have time to get them done. Is it because 4-5 of them all hit at once, because they're all in discovery, because I goofed off when I should have worked, because I'm friggin retarded...but I'm barely able to keep up. On the other hand, I'm not missing deadlines, my motions don't suck, I'm not asking for help, and my work is all getting done timely with good quality. All this without doing any comp/OT. I'm torn between being impressed that I have such a good handle on managing my caseload, and being terrified that if this is me at full capacity then I'm bound to fail eventually when the going actually gets tough.

Then logic sets in. I've been there for perhaps 2 years now. This is all I've seen in that time. My coworkers all have flaws, one misses frequent deadlines, one never works in the office, another hasn't done a thing but cut and paste for 5 years or more while maintaining a great win rate. I can't help but look at them and think "If they can do it, shit - I _know_ I can."

Time enough for that later. For now, it is time for straight dope, savage love, onion, and latte.