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Oct. 26th, 2002 09:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarz49 minutes until I can find out my LSAT score. I’m guessing that the phones will be jammed, so I’m not counting on actually being able to find out. Funny, I didn’t feel scared of the exam, but now I’m quite nervous. Was it 150? 160? 170? 140? I’m not feeling the least bit convinced by my own words “Well if I sucked I don’t have to go to law school.”
Last night in alchemy sucked. It sucked chunks. It was Tony’s wet fucking dream, but it would seem that in Tony’s dream I’m annoyed. I don’t mind ravers. I don’t mind electronic music. I do mind these trashy normal guys in baseball caps, I do mind the guys with ties on, I do mind the guy bending over pretending to tie his shoe while looking up the freak girl’s skirt while yelling at his friends to make sure they see his behavior. I do mind the L-O-N-G blocks of crappy electro music.
I think this is Tony’s dream:
Part I: ravers and freaks unite in club nights. Freaks find they like electronic music, and all industrial / gothic falls by the wayside. Ravers start dressing like goths, and you have a bunch of freak looking people who listen to effeminate boppy electronic songs that take 15 minutes each, and never really begin or end.
Part II: We all have tremendous spiritual experiences based on BORING electronic music which puts us in giant unified spiritual trances. We all dance like fucking crap, and get high. We become politically active, but accept all opinions as equally worthy and allow any piece of shit to ‘join us.’ Somehow people with shitty behavior patterns voluntarily become better people and peace spreads from our shakaras to the world around us.
I found something more disturbing than the boys walking around looking dangerous on purpose – me and my dancing. I have noticed that my dancing has been weak, as I’m usually a little buzzed. Well, since I was going to be boxing today I stayed 100% sober. It turned out I can’t dance sober to save my ass. Perhaps I was just in need of a nap – or the night just sucked. I did yawn an awful lot. If that’s what Friday’s are going to be like, I might ditch Alchemy for that month of Friday’s in November.
I have an unusual urge to tie someone up and spank them. Specifically, tie their hands to the top of my bedframe face down and lift them onto their knees. Gently I’d run my hand across their back, brushing it between their legs just to tease. Tease lots. As they became wet I’d gently ease a vibrator into them, about an inch at first, then 2, then 3. No more. I’d gently brush their clit with my fingers and turn the toy on to a slow hum. When their movement tells me they could easily be brought to an orgasm, I’d put the toy aside, and bind their legs together at the ankles and knees. Then I’d blindfold them and get out the wooden hairbrush. I’d run my hands up and down their back, and still tease their tender areas. I’d brush the brush against their ass, using the flat side to gently smack their tushie. Little by little I’d increase the speed of the brush’s smacks, alternating between caressing and creating rosy red marks. And so on…
I’m not usually into the whole b&d thing at all, but for some reason someone’s words have been haunting me, about how they achieved this great ‘release’ from being beaten by their former lover until they would cry. I find both ends of that interaction mildly compelling, though it also strikes me as complete dysfunctional crap. B&D S&M scares me a bit – I worry about dating someone that likes that because I don’t think I’ll ever be very into pain. I also don’t often have that type of energy, and it seems like the people that do that get into a progressive pattern to hard-core. I don’t do one thing sexually without switching to others. It’s like Baskin Robbins for me, lots of variety, but even rocky road gets boring after a while. I worry that if that’s what someone really wants that I won’t be able to provide it for them, especially over the long term. Then again, I should know that if any particular type of sex is ‘needed’ by my partner that they most likely have needs I cannot meet of another nature, and it should end.
I know I know no one asked and now I’m posting mild erotica again. Sorry. I have no fucking idea where this is coming from, but I feel like writing. It may be long, and at least…IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING POST ABOUT WHAT I SHOPPED FOR, WHAT I JUST ATE, WHAT TYPE OF XXX I AM – WITH PICTURE, OR A LINK TO SOMETHING I SAW AGES AGO. No offense to those of you who are making my friend’s page scroll so fast that by the time I get home from work the occasional posters are nowhere to be seen and they ask me questions related to things I never read. I haven’t found that function that splits my friend’s list into a) want to see and keep up and b) my god I’m bored at work.
I have another urge to get into a cuddle pile. I want to feel pretty in a shallow way, but I’m not really horny or anything. I don’t often do physical contact without wanting sex, but sex and all that seems kind of annoying right now. I think this is my needy mood, I’m not sure. I’m sure boxing will take it away at 11. I was going to apply to law school this weekend, and still may, but the scheduling is looking difficult.
Today: box 11-1, cocktails at 4, probably won’t go out at night after that. This doesn’t leave much time to polish and final proof my statement of purpose or apply to 4-6 law schools. I’m thinking Harvard (to be rejected by the best), GMU, UTA…and some other mid-ivy’s.
Sunday: cook, launder, shop, take food and WATER to the office, another early party that evening. Short weekend for me it would seem.
I’m babbling and I still have 18 minutes until I can find out my score, not that I’m counting. Why worry now – it’s over and done with.
10:00 AM, we’re sorry, all circuits are busy now. Will you please try your call again later.
Perhaps going to law school is just part of a pattern. As long as I keep pursuing things I never have to admit where I am. At what point do I settle?
10:15 all “We’re sorry…”
10:31…I could be playing video games right now
10:55 better get to class
Last night in alchemy sucked. It sucked chunks. It was Tony’s wet fucking dream, but it would seem that in Tony’s dream I’m annoyed. I don’t mind ravers. I don’t mind electronic music. I do mind these trashy normal guys in baseball caps, I do mind the guys with ties on, I do mind the guy bending over pretending to tie his shoe while looking up the freak girl’s skirt while yelling at his friends to make sure they see his behavior. I do mind the L-O-N-G blocks of crappy electro music.
I think this is Tony’s dream:
Part I: ravers and freaks unite in club nights. Freaks find they like electronic music, and all industrial / gothic falls by the wayside. Ravers start dressing like goths, and you have a bunch of freak looking people who listen to effeminate boppy electronic songs that take 15 minutes each, and never really begin or end.
Part II: We all have tremendous spiritual experiences based on BORING electronic music which puts us in giant unified spiritual trances. We all dance like fucking crap, and get high. We become politically active, but accept all opinions as equally worthy and allow any piece of shit to ‘join us.’ Somehow people with shitty behavior patterns voluntarily become better people and peace spreads from our shakaras to the world around us.
I found something more disturbing than the boys walking around looking dangerous on purpose – me and my dancing. I have noticed that my dancing has been weak, as I’m usually a little buzzed. Well, since I was going to be boxing today I stayed 100% sober. It turned out I can’t dance sober to save my ass. Perhaps I was just in need of a nap – or the night just sucked. I did yawn an awful lot. If that’s what Friday’s are going to be like, I might ditch Alchemy for that month of Friday’s in November.
I have an unusual urge to tie someone up and spank them. Specifically, tie their hands to the top of my bedframe face down and lift them onto their knees. Gently I’d run my hand across their back, brushing it between their legs just to tease. Tease lots. As they became wet I’d gently ease a vibrator into them, about an inch at first, then 2, then 3. No more. I’d gently brush their clit with my fingers and turn the toy on to a slow hum. When their movement tells me they could easily be brought to an orgasm, I’d put the toy aside, and bind their legs together at the ankles and knees. Then I’d blindfold them and get out the wooden hairbrush. I’d run my hands up and down their back, and still tease their tender areas. I’d brush the brush against their ass, using the flat side to gently smack their tushie. Little by little I’d increase the speed of the brush’s smacks, alternating between caressing and creating rosy red marks. And so on…
I’m not usually into the whole b&d thing at all, but for some reason someone’s words have been haunting me, about how they achieved this great ‘release’ from being beaten by their former lover until they would cry. I find both ends of that interaction mildly compelling, though it also strikes me as complete dysfunctional crap. B&D S&M scares me a bit – I worry about dating someone that likes that because I don’t think I’ll ever be very into pain. I also don’t often have that type of energy, and it seems like the people that do that get into a progressive pattern to hard-core. I don’t do one thing sexually without switching to others. It’s like Baskin Robbins for me, lots of variety, but even rocky road gets boring after a while. I worry that if that’s what someone really wants that I won’t be able to provide it for them, especially over the long term. Then again, I should know that if any particular type of sex is ‘needed’ by my partner that they most likely have needs I cannot meet of another nature, and it should end.
I know I know no one asked and now I’m posting mild erotica again. Sorry. I have no fucking idea where this is coming from, but I feel like writing. It may be long, and at least…IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING POST ABOUT WHAT I SHOPPED FOR, WHAT I JUST ATE, WHAT TYPE OF XXX I AM – WITH PICTURE, OR A LINK TO SOMETHING I SAW AGES AGO. No offense to those of you who are making my friend’s page scroll so fast that by the time I get home from work the occasional posters are nowhere to be seen and they ask me questions related to things I never read. I haven’t found that function that splits my friend’s list into a) want to see and keep up and b) my god I’m bored at work.
I have another urge to get into a cuddle pile. I want to feel pretty in a shallow way, but I’m not really horny or anything. I don’t often do physical contact without wanting sex, but sex and all that seems kind of annoying right now. I think this is my needy mood, I’m not sure. I’m sure boxing will take it away at 11. I was going to apply to law school this weekend, and still may, but the scheduling is looking difficult.
Today: box 11-1, cocktails at 4, probably won’t go out at night after that. This doesn’t leave much time to polish and final proof my statement of purpose or apply to 4-6 law schools. I’m thinking Harvard (to be rejected by the best), GMU, UTA…and some other mid-ivy’s.
Sunday: cook, launder, shop, take food and WATER to the office, another early party that evening. Short weekend for me it would seem.
I’m babbling and I still have 18 minutes until I can find out my score, not that I’m counting. Why worry now – it’s over and done with.
10:00 AM, we’re sorry, all circuits are busy now. Will you please try your call again later.
Perhaps going to law school is just part of a pattern. As long as I keep pursuing things I never have to admit where I am. At what point do I settle?
10:15 all “We’re sorry…”
10:31…I could be playing video games right now
10:55 better get to class
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no subject
Date: 2002-10-26 11:28 am (UTC)