vicarz | (no subject)

I'm sad to say my f-list is...slowing down. People of all flavors aren't writing as much s they used to. Most of that is a good thing, I've ditched the insane fetishists, the quiz posters, the "this is what I did today" twits, and the "don't you hate it when SOME PEOPLE don't do X, right?" I guess, at least in my little LJ land, the pointless babblers and affirmation seekers have wandered off (50¢ says to myspace). However, the substantive posts have also diminished. Be careful what you wish for?

As promised I did "force" the conversation with that boss, but the results are negligible. She was actually warming up to me a little, but oddly I saw her put her wall back up over a tiny joke at lunch. We went to lunch with her and my witness / work-friend. They both are supervisors, and both used to being the boss so they don't realize how much they INTERRUPT people or how rude that is. After being cut off for the 3rd time in a row, by my friend, he stopped and said "I'm sorry, I keep doing that!" I took the opportunity to joke "Yeah, I'm here with 2 supervisors who are used to holding the floor...I'm getting killed here!" Something twitched in her and you could just see the wall come down. Why? My friend instigated another group dinner, and she initially agreed - then bailed saying she had work to do. My friend looked at her oddly, and commented that was strange but her choice.

I initiated a conversation in the car and am glad I did, but I don't trust the results. She explained she was brought on by Mr. Big (a human bulldozer himself) to make changes that he and the Director desired. Now, I don't disagree with a lot of the things she asks for, but I did volunteer that the changes seemed abrupt. She indicated the pace was more a result of demands placed upon her, but it wasn't clear if this was her perception or someone else's. The short of it is the changes are here to stay, as is her manner of dealing with people. She took clearing the air pretty well, and during this talk and frankly throughout the trip I received more compliments I ever have from her. Of course, ~~virtually all~~ most of the compliments were on executing things she asked me to do. I did work hard, the results were obvious, and she noted that.

I'm not sure what the end product is. There is a highly demanding negative people-unfriendly push from the top, but it's sometimes unclear if the issue is outright personal hostility or reaction to a real problem - for instance, when I first worked here my group had a horrible reputation for driving out the old staff...but when I saw their work after I was trained, I agreed that we might well be better off without MOST OF them. However, very reputable people were driven off as well - people whose reputation continues to shine in their new advancements. We are currently driving off hard working very knowledgeable people. I have gone through some real growing pains, but to be honest (and I always am) I'm gained from this experience. There was NO REASON to be so fucking rude to me, NONE, but if you took the bulldozer social skills out of it I have truly gained from all I'm being taught. My work product is already better, and it's only been 4 months. Now that my work product is better, I'm being treated with more respect - but not much more. These people care too much about rank.

So I stick this out and see how things go - I said my piece. I note the things she did that I perceived as attacks were in email and writing, while her first compliments are all unwitnessed oral declarations. I've had to sever my dreams of sticking with this group and possibly retiring from this job. I'm always looking for a way to finish, even though that seems to be a bad idea in careers, marriage, family... But, that has to change. I no longer consider this job very valuable, and the job search is no longer a casual glance. I held my first gummint job for 8.5 years, this one is coming up on 6 - not a short tour. "We'll see," but I'm not optimistic.