(no subject)

[vicarz]

My mom is good to me: (he) most likely got a charge out of it. He's a precious old gay who has mentored psycho DFH's for his whole life
Well now I feel a ton better. Kinda funny.

Have I recently announced to the free public that I am a loser? Loser extraordinaire? Sometimes I want to be dignified, then reality sets in. I used to criticize how there are lonely old men sitting in every coffee shop, alone, as though being there was somehow not alone. Now, I sit in coffee shops by and large alone. I picked up the term for a neighbor who the girl preceding me here referred to as a "bitter old divorce." Now frankly he looks happy and I'm bitter as fuck (for no reason). Karma.

I left town off and on for about three weeks. Like that episode of the simpsons when the nerds are expelled from college and months later return...and the answering machine has zero messages? Well, that's me. I also had this person in town I was worried that would call me, plus when friends do call they already know I'm nuts, so making the outgoing message say "Fuck you for calling" is kinda funny. Not perhaps so funny when someone calls about that death in the family. That was a shocker to come home to last night. He didn't mention the outgoing message at all.

Last night was a night of shawns (wtf is sean?) Saw some combo of cello, guitar, and drums in galaxy hut, shawn #1. I love stringed instruments - wiggling your finger to make the note waver is so much cooler than clicking a guitar pedal. I sat alone, drinking a stout that was 9% alcohol and the draft-pull-handle was a piece of plank from the barrel it was made from, a smoke fired barrel that used to hold bourbon. Way cool (the drink, not me sitting alone). The next band brought in their stuff, several guitars, a xylophone, stringed instruments...and a saw. Most intriguing, this saw. Didn't stay though, went to see the opposite sex and black cat black cat. Alone. Stood alone. Played galaxian alone. Had my first urge in forever to pick up a guitar, been many many years since I played and I sucked when I did.

Black cat looked a lot lighter without all the smoke. You can actually smell the place, which isn't necessarily a good thing, but it doesn't make blood pour out of my eyes which I enjoy. Galaxy hut kinda sucks for having smoke, frankly, other than that i love it.

See, I post stuff because it gets it out of my head. It feels like talking, only, it isn't. It's me, talking to myself. Alone.

Because I am a loser.

Comments

[kelowna.livejournal.com]

Alone != Loser.

I know many losers that are constantly surrounded by other people.

Alone is a choice.

Don't fucking tell me you don't have any friends. :E

If you are so fixated on the old man, sitting alone - why don't you go up and say hello. He may have a very interesting story to share.

--k

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Because I am the old man sitting alone. ;P

Ok I have friends, whatever. I just don't like them and they don't like me.

I got a ton of these...

[cweaselle.livejournal.com]

Is being alone what makes me a loser? I do that all the time & I don't just mean in my room even though I don't count Titus.