vicarz | (no subject)

I was sitting at a shiny conference table researching a case and prepping my witnesses when I noticed that the old man I was talking to had cat's eyes. These hallucinations are getting worse. I'm trying to pretend to work, to play along, and try not to look like I noticed his pupils aren't round. I check many times, I go back to my outline, I take notes...but he still has cat's eyes.

I remember years ago that when I sort of reformed was during a long drive, that somehow stuck with my brain and no radio all that time kind of fixed some problems I have having - and was far more fixed after that. I had 2 3-4 hour drives this week, 2 3-hour drives the week before this, and stuck with my brain just kind of realized that I'm really angry. Not like José angry, or cute ranty, just angry. I keep thinking about things, but no matter what I thought of it was a reason to be angry (and what to do about it). The thing I realized was the anger started, then the brain sought a reason to be angry. I don't have reasons to be angry, not real ones. But the feeling remains.

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<3

I bought some vanilla, I will not drink it, I will make you chocolate chip cookies instead.

I have grr uh delli 60% cacao choc chips for jsut such an emergency. Organic flour and crap too.

I have that same problem with anger, and also depression and sadness or grief: the emotion's there first, I don't know what it's linked to originally, and my brain goes off in search of things to feel [emotion] about. Once I realized that this was happening, it helped me not fall into the trap of spending days looking for reasons why my life was shit, to explain feeling bad.

I hope, in those long drives, you can pinpoint whatever part of you needs a hiatus or a change, and stop the hallucinations. May you be well, angry or not.

I noticed the exact same thing with stress. I'd be nervous about all sorts of things -- bills, job, life -- and then I noticed that sometimes I was nervous first with a reason only later.

More recently I've noticed a physiological side. My heart rate shoots to 100+ for no reason, and then I start to feel panicky, and then a reason comes along. Might there be a physical basis for your angry feeling?

I certainly understand your brain trying to find reasons for your emotions. I'm getting tired of crying when something is funny so I hope you don't get like that.

Both crying and laughter are releases of tension - they're quite close together.

I know that because mine seem to be backwards most of the time. Crying even when I'm trying too doesn't always help tension, but when Ia'm wondering who died or is going to the hospital not much will help that, but time.