This is it

[vicarz]

Yes I know it was silly to post "oh shit" out of the blue. No, I'm not going to lash out at anyone for responding. Yes, I have been turning on my c7 1970s holiday lights about twice a day. They twinkle. Each bulb has it's own filament which expands and contracts with heat, resulting in an independently flashing lightbulb. They are so bright you can see them from airplanes. I figure while I normally conserve electricity, these are for nostalgia and it's ok to use fuel like in a classic car.

So Dad is going to die. The antibiotic didn't kick the bug, but has resulted in kidney shutdown. The doctors are keeping him chemically paralyzed because whenever he breathes on his own - even when sedated out of his gourd, he is "fighting the machine." He is still building an excess of co2 in his bloodstream. With his kidneys giving up, he is accumulating waste materials in his bloodstream. The doctors had said if they couldn't beat the infection with antibiotics that the likely result would be multiple organ failure. Despite the best support the machines and doctors can give, he is steadily declining. He has probably suffered brain damage (over this long haul in general, but more lately) and the process of waking up could be confusing or scary. He would not be able to communicate, and the process again might not bode well for his health. One of his sisters is coming down, arriving today or Sat, and I believe we're all getting together to let him go.

I think this is for the best, though frankly this what the Dr's thought in Sibley and I agreed back then. The problem I've always had is that his best-case scenario was just getting well enough to go through months of painful and frustrating therapy just to get to a depreciated state, and then to operate on the remaining cancers in his body - while all the while knowing the cancer or the treatment itself might kill him.

I didn't make it out last night as planned. I spent the evening making muffins, baking gingerbread, folding laundry, washing dishes, cleaning the kitchen, drinking, and calling relatives.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_blackjack_/]

*picks you up and hugs you until you can't breathe because there's nothing to be said*

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Screw that...what are you doing up at 6am!? :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_blackjack_/]

Writing about the problem of post-baptismal rigorism in The Shepherd of Hermas and trying to piece together a translation of Ben Sira from two fragmentary manuscripts without vowel points. I don't anticipate sleeping until around the 18th.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I don't know how you do that. Sounds really deep. I made muffins.

[anarcha.livejournal.com]

*here for you*

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Wow, you attorneys are really quick to pounce huh? ;P

[anarcha.livejournal.com]

I wasn't sure if you had my card. You do, don't you?

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I appreciate that at a trying time like this, that I have someone here to protect my interests. Your genuine concern for me during a time where I feel vulnerable has made me open my wallet and heart to you, in that order. I also appreciate the letter, phone call, and visit to the church you paid.

[anarcha.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome.

BTW, don't know if you noticed, but I've also been following you in your car all week. Just wanted to be sure I was there for you in case of an accident.

[pennan.livejournal.com]

Available for distraction anytime.

(or if you really want to take your mind of things, I can put you to work... Any good with 20'high paint jobs? ;-) )

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Just point me in a direction and I go. Make it simple for auto-pilot.

[bentrazor.livejournal.com]

I don't know how I am supposed to respond here!

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Well you don't have to but thanks. You had me at the icon...

[faeriemage.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. The recent details sounds similar to what happened to my dad four years ago. big hugs.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Think families should have an elected member to off relatives who are at the point they should sit on a nearby ice flow and wait?

[turbogrrl.livejournal.com]

yes. or they could go the manner of penguins and just crowd together until they push one off into the artic.

this is why i plan to live more and more dangerously the older i get. I've planned to pick up motorcycle sidecar racing in my late 50s.

[joanarkham.livejournal.com]

I'm giving you *hugs* too, whether you like it or not.


Also: gingerbread. Are you in the iced or un-iced camp?

I guess that means not iced

[vicar.livejournal.com]

I am in the "Wow, this washington mix box expired ages ago. I know it's probably safe, but I'd feel better if I poured in the water and baked it right now rather than later. Huh, this pink silicone bread pan should do. 24 minutes later, muumf." camp.

[ashbet]

Also available for distraction and comfort. (And I'm in the joanarkham camp -- you'll just have to suffer through my *hugs* as well.)

I'm so sorry, hon -- please let me know if there's anything at all that I can do.

And, yeah -- it's strange how comforting doing a cleaning or cooking blitz can be at times like this -- I think it's something about creating order from chaos, or just having something in your surroundings under your complete control. I didn't especially want to call anyone when my Dad passed away, but I threw myself into cleaning house, and it really did help to have that to concentrate on.

Best wishes in the weeks to come . . .

-- A <3

[eac.livejournal.com]

I thought that was probably what "oh shit" meant.

I'm terribly sorry about this whole long situation. Nothing I can say seems adequate. I'll be thinking about you and your Dad this weekend.

[cherrystarz.livejournal.com]

I know I haven't commented in regards to this, but please know I've been keeping you in my thoughts. I've had several friends go through this same thing in the past few years and I know it's difficult. *hugs*

[pastor-saturn.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry.

[cweaselle.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about your dad, but it is good that you knew it was a serious possibility. It's good that you've had time to deal a little with your feelings & deal that you would have to let go even if it is hard.

It's not silly to post something like this. This is probably the best way for you to tell people so you don't have to keep going over it. It's hard enough without that.

[desiringmachine.livejournal.com]

are *hugs* better if they're teh biggest ***hugzzz!!!1*** evar?


if not then i'm sorry about that too.