(no subject)

[vicarz]

I don't know why I write, why I write to the people I know read this, why I write here, or what to write. I have a far greater respect, today, for those that hold some cards closer to their chest.

I just don't know.

I've called into work and will be calling in for possibly days. They are very supportive. The cancellation of the depo scheduled for tomorrow was a real gift. I came home and had a few drinks. I yelled at my mom, without justification, and she reads this. I'm not a wreck, but...I'm torn between my gaithersburg trying-to-be-masculine roots and my current reality. Brain is in the mix somewhere. I'm trying to remember all these details from which later stories will be spun.

Everything you experience helps mold how you see new experiences. I know what is next, and very much I do not know what is next. I believe what I've experienced and been taught / handed will make me able to handle next. It's easy. It's easy because it happens and that's what you do - whatever you do, you will do and nothing can change that. It happens and you can do nothing but face it or turn away. It just is.