(no subject)

[vicarz]

Today is not as good as yesterday. I was just plain defeated by the judge in a conf call this AM, and the family of the lying complainant lied just as much if not more than he did. It’s hard not to work with middle-eastern or Indian complainants and not develop biases. When you find a class of people are arrogant and have no shame about lying to get money throughout your experience, when is it a reasonable expectation and when is it racial or national-origin prejudice to notice a pattern? Do other people have these ugly thoughts and not share them, or am I unusually ugly in my feelings?

Tonight I’m going to dinner with the woman I should have made babies with. It’s years too late to be aware of this, but I am. I’m weird enough to want to tell her as some sort of outdated apology or flattery - years ago I would have said it (I may have actually said as much, we’ve been friends forever) but now I know better. No real regrets - I’m not sure it would have actually worked out, but she would have really been a good choice had I gone down that road. She did everything, everything right.

Me, I’m fit. That’s all. Yesterday I only noticed after another day of depos that I had neglected lunch, deciding not to do the 5 mile run. I toiled for minutes about whether to work out or not - I had to eat, but if I ate it would be hard to run. I compromised - I ate and then ran my 2 mile course. My stomach said unhappy things to me, but I felt good that I did something. I wussed out on 5 miles, but did something.

I’m friggin tired and just trying to keep in mind that I do have the time to do the work I have to do. I can’t get dejected or frustrated - have to maintain perspective. I’d rather just throw a trantrum.

Comments

aw. :/

[cyaneyed.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[freja999.livejournal.com]

"No real regrets - I’m not sure it would have actually worked out, but she would have really been a good choice had I gone down that road. She did everything, everything right."

I Loved that you said that. I think when it comes to certain failed relationships, the feeling that I sometimes can't get past is that I don't know if there was anything I could have done or said to save it. That's when I feel woefully inadequate. I Loved hearing you say that about someone else. I felt better vicariously.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Glad I could help :)
Psst there are aspects of you and I that I would rewind and redo if I could. Don't mean to sound all dramatic, but I was "young" when we dated.

[freja999.livejournal.com]

:)You were working on your Masters degree (Industrial Psychology?) and I was a teenager. I suppose young is relevant, though.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

You were more mature than me, perhaps. Teen?

[cweaselle.livejournal.com]

Throw a tantrum if it will make you feel better, but it won't make you feel as good as your running. Don't focus on the things that might have worked out if you had done them different. If I had stayed in DC because I do remmeber how hard it was to leave you all I might not be alive. ;)