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Jan. 4th, 2006 02:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzI just resisted. I resisted the urge to act, to show "street cred."
I was speaking with a man about his deaf son, who I wrote up (but oddly didn't fire) because he threw a knife across a room (not quite towards someone). He mentioned that I didn't understand deaf culture, and the frustration they experience. I fought back the urge to note that I've hung out at Gallaudet and dated a hearing-impaired girl. It rung too much like "Some of my best friends are black," and if he was going to be ignorant about what I knew about that culture, and if he was going to use it as a crutch to excuse his boy's behavior, I was going to let him act like an ass and not even let him know I noticed.
You should always resist the urge to show your cred.
Group affiliation is never important.
A friend told me ages ago that she liked the real me, that she found it annoying how often I slipped into "flame-on" mode. She thought it was cute sometimes, but that I did it too much too often, obscuring who I really was. I didn't understand that for the longest time - I didn't even know the way I acted changed from place to place. It was always me, just different sides. It felt natural at the time. Other friends have pointed out that I act differently in different situations, loud in some, grandstanding in others. I'm trying to stop. I like to show different sides of myself, I like to "do theater," but I want it to be a conscious choice - not a self-conscious reflex that is invoked for some involuntary need to seek affirmation.
I don't volunteer what race or genders I have dated. I don't talk about disabilities I am familiar with. I don't dwell on my name vs. appearance (except to El). I have the urge. I want to say "No, I do understand more than you know." I am more likely today to say the point is not relevant to the discussion, or that even if true, it won't excuse the behavior in question. I'm less likely to address the argument at all - certainly it's not worth my time to give the argument merit by noting my affiliation with the group in question.
I was speaking with a man about his deaf son, who I wrote up (but oddly didn't fire) because he threw a knife across a room (not quite towards someone). He mentioned that I didn't understand deaf culture, and the frustration they experience. I fought back the urge to note that I've hung out at Gallaudet and dated a hearing-impaired girl. It rung too much like "Some of my best friends are black," and if he was going to be ignorant about what I knew about that culture, and if he was going to use it as a crutch to excuse his boy's behavior, I was going to let him act like an ass and not even let him know I noticed.
You should always resist the urge to show your cred.
Group affiliation is never important.
A friend told me ages ago that she liked the real me, that she found it annoying how often I slipped into "flame-on" mode. She thought it was cute sometimes, but that I did it too much too often, obscuring who I really was. I didn't understand that for the longest time - I didn't even know the way I acted changed from place to place. It was always me, just different sides. It felt natural at the time. Other friends have pointed out that I act differently in different situations, loud in some, grandstanding in others. I'm trying to stop. I like to show different sides of myself, I like to "do theater," but I want it to be a conscious choice - not a self-conscious reflex that is invoked for some involuntary need to seek affirmation.
I don't volunteer what race or genders I have dated. I don't talk about disabilities I am familiar with. I don't dwell on my name vs. appearance (except to El). I have the urge. I want to say "No, I do understand more than you know." I am more likely today to say the point is not relevant to the discussion, or that even if true, it won't excuse the behavior in question. I'm less likely to address the argument at all - certainly it's not worth my time to give the argument merit by noting my affiliation with the group in question.
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-04 07:35 pm (UTC)Yep, great way to live ones life too, I've always said that, but with the whole "don't show your whole hand" card reference, to a stranger I wander to a friend I know where I;m going :-)
"Group affiliation is never important."
Still working on this one, due to trying to let people know I can relate.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-04 07:59 pm (UTC)That whole "that's not the real you" stuff always annoys me, because what's really being said is "that's not the you that I approve of".
no subject
Date: 2006-01-04 09:26 pm (UTC)what more do you need?