Emotional retard
Oct. 3rd, 2005 02:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vicarzI often mock how people overestimate the importance of their feelings. I'm not convinced that the feeling a 40 year old adult gets for a promotion is significantly different than what a 12 year old does when they learn to do a back flip. People seem to strive to find the importance in their emotional responses, and are frustrated when other people don't care. I've wondered if that angsty teen, as I was, is any different than a sad dog or a cow on the way to slaughter. Is the intensity of the emotion more important than the reason for it? Isn't it pointless to care about an intense feeling when the reason for that feeling is absurd? Shouldn't logic make it go away?
Sometimes I've felt that my feelings were important, more often I've stuffed them down or medicated them with alcohol. Only lately I realized that I was so accustomed to burying feelings to get work done, to shift to logical priorities, that I was unable to express them. Feeling blindsides me - dealing with emotions is a skill that like others can atrophy. Words escape me, and when my view changes to encompass what I look like from the outside, I wonder if I'm stoic. Am I gazing with intense emotion, or is this just an expressionless dullard? I was in the woods yesterday, staring at trees, at leaves, at bugs, and realizing that anything I was taking in was not something I could share. Others look at the same thing and see something different, and I'm hard-pressed to tell you why that tree that looks like it was poked with holes and then had dead branches stuffed in them is so fascinating. I've seen 9 year olds screaming "Look, look!" to their parents, and the parents humor them by showing interest. I'm not sure I'm more expressive than those 9 year olds.
I listen to other people tell me about their troubles, and in response I tell them things like how to add numbers, why the story is logically inconsistent, how to best guard themselves against a potential harm...so the cortex is working just fine. Now about that silly limbic system.
My first reaction to a story is to echo back something similar that happened to me. Is that just self-centered behavior, or do I try and relate to others by similar experiences I've had? I can't tell you what my home smells like with the windows open and fresh mulch outside - is it like earth or a homeless person? When I describe the smell, do you imagine my home and mulch, or do you think of your home with the windows open and imagine mulch wafting in with smells you are familiar with? How does this song make you feel? When?
How many times have you asked some brooding teen why they don't just do something about their situation, only to be hit with their scorn-filled angry stare? I can explain all the reasons why that kid is wrong and what they should do to improve their situation, but now I'm wondering if I'm really missing something by missing the feeling he conveys. Do I understand? Could I explain her feeling, could I express it? Does it matter, or not?
I'm brooding. I'm inside my fleshy shell and the things I consider important aren't making it to the outside. Maybe that's a good thing, that logic trumps emotion. Maybe it's best to have them all in moderation. Maybe I've retarded myself while pursuing goals.
Sometimes I've felt that my feelings were important, more often I've stuffed them down or medicated them with alcohol. Only lately I realized that I was so accustomed to burying feelings to get work done, to shift to logical priorities, that I was unable to express them. Feeling blindsides me - dealing with emotions is a skill that like others can atrophy. Words escape me, and when my view changes to encompass what I look like from the outside, I wonder if I'm stoic. Am I gazing with intense emotion, or is this just an expressionless dullard? I was in the woods yesterday, staring at trees, at leaves, at bugs, and realizing that anything I was taking in was not something I could share. Others look at the same thing and see something different, and I'm hard-pressed to tell you why that tree that looks like it was poked with holes and then had dead branches stuffed in them is so fascinating. I've seen 9 year olds screaming "Look, look!" to their parents, and the parents humor them by showing interest. I'm not sure I'm more expressive than those 9 year olds.
I listen to other people tell me about their troubles, and in response I tell them things like how to add numbers, why the story is logically inconsistent, how to best guard themselves against a potential harm...so the cortex is working just fine. Now about that silly limbic system.
My first reaction to a story is to echo back something similar that happened to me. Is that just self-centered behavior, or do I try and relate to others by similar experiences I've had? I can't tell you what my home smells like with the windows open and fresh mulch outside - is it like earth or a homeless person? When I describe the smell, do you imagine my home and mulch, or do you think of your home with the windows open and imagine mulch wafting in with smells you are familiar with? How does this song make you feel? When?
How many times have you asked some brooding teen why they don't just do something about their situation, only to be hit with their scorn-filled angry stare? I can explain all the reasons why that kid is wrong and what they should do to improve their situation, but now I'm wondering if I'm really missing something by missing the feeling he conveys. Do I understand? Could I explain her feeling, could I express it? Does it matter, or not?
I'm brooding. I'm inside my fleshy shell and the things I consider important aren't making it to the outside. Maybe that's a good thing, that logic trumps emotion. Maybe it's best to have them all in moderation. Maybe I've retarded myself while pursuing goals.
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no subject
Date: 2005-10-03 07:36 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-03 08:17 pm (UTC)Man is more than the sum of his parts.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls-it tolls for thee.
Emotion, intuition, etc. are a quick way to connect with people.
Sort of like...
Attempting to describe something in X computer language would take pages and pages of code, but it's a simple sentence or paragraph in the English language.
That said, I believe that balance within self and with others is important. I am fairly logical [for a woman, but that's a different story] and I may connect better with someone that is slightly more emotional than logical.
Some things just have to be Understood. It's not always necessary to explain things to the last detail, although I am guilty of this frequently.
no subject
Date: 2005-10-03 08:53 pm (UTC)while i'm very pragmatic, my early development taught me that analyzing and recording was for the purpose of memorizing, relaying, conveying...
it would seem that right now, a great many people that i'm hearing from are having similarly introspective boughts of self-analysis.
like a late spring cleaning.
always, i commend the ones who ask the questions, harder the better, and seek knowledge.
i wish you greater insight.
-twig
no subject
Date: 2005-10-04 01:03 am (UTC)