(no subject)

[vicarz]

Actually it's just a coincidence, but it just so happens I'm learning a lot from listening to a couple of people who happen to be black women.

I've had a lot of humbling days in a row. I'm operating a little beyond what I can handle in terms of workload and I know it, and I'm showing some of the bursting seams of stress. Still, in a month this all 'ends.'

Yesterday "I got yelled at for something I didn't do." I waited patiently when I realized what the problem was, knowing that the instruction she was mad I didn't follow wasn't ever given (or received). I wanted to interrupt, but thought it better to let her vent a bit. Still, listening patiently I realized that there were many things I was doing that aggravated her. Some things I was doing, which I considered good things - strengths, were not appreciated. When I listened to her perspective, I understood why. It's probably a good thing my fuck-you-button is on a delay signal, because I did learn a lot when I listened.

This morning my fuck-you-button was stuck in the ON position. Knowing that, I went back to yesterday's conversation for round two. Things went well.

I spent almost half the day at work listening. The fuck-you-fuck-you-too was quickly resolved, and we understand better where the other is coming from. She listened, understood, and noted that a lot of what I said made sense / added up. Ok we cool...that said, I listened bunches. I contributed some, filled in a piece or two, but mostly I listened and holy shit did the pieces fall into place. How this woman who usually doesn't work in our office knew all the intricacies of our office politics I don't know. How her knowledge was so far beyond my own while I work daily with the players I don't know. Many secrets I knew she knew. Many secrets I did not know, she knew. She told. I do know I still have a lot to learn. At least I've learned to listen a little bit here and there. I listened a lot, and eventually just put my head down and shook it.

"What? What!?"
"I just can't believe I missed all that. Dayamn."

Then joining in was a girl who I supported behind closed doors. We have three people in roughly equal positions who are unhappy with how they are treated. Two bitch up a storm, singing songs of NEGATIVITY to anyone who will listen. The other keeps it to herself - you wouldn't know something was wrong unless you happened to be there when her fuck-you-button was pressed. I was there when it was pressed, and had I been she my button would have been pressed too. I was offended by how she was treated, and mentioned this behind closed doors. My words did no good, rather they might have done my reputation harm (not much though). The one who didn't tell, didn't complain, didn't sit around all day fighting with and trashing the people who made her situation suck...she did her job the best she could, fought when she had to, and looked. Now she has a new job, and is leaving this all behind. She's made some allies on her way out, and is leaving in good graces with the powers that be. Neat.

Two complained, complain, and will complain. The other did something.

I listened as they swapped stories, and all the things that surprised me were old news to them. Both these black females had it pretty together. They knew what was going on, knew how to deal with it, knew who told and who didn't, who smiled to your front and lied to your back, knew how important it was to...sigh. I was happy when I said "Well now that you're leaving I know I can be nice to you and it won't hurt me." She said "Oh shut up, you're already nice to me." I was pleased.

I'm still learning - feeling stupid for missing a lot of major political issues in the office. Happy that I'm privy to the information. Happy that I'm listening to criticism - you know I may not like everything I hear but it aint all wrong.

Oh, black women? Stereotype? I was just fucking with you. I suppose there is some truth to it, the strong black woman making do with what is while all around shit is flying - if that's a stereotype I've seen it before and it's not a bad thing. I'm sure there are other race and gender combinations that fit the bill - but this was a catchy headline.

I also learned that I should keep the fuck-you-button better oiled.