(no subject)

[vicarz]

I'm still saying the experiment has ended. Studying law you find areas of policy concern, where there is an inherent tension between one societal need and another. Personally I'm facing tensions right now - I want to talk about everything, I want to be open, but doing so is odd, ugly, and drives people away. I can pretend - I can be anything anyone wants, I can 'get in,' I can get anything I want...yay. But it's not me. I'm tired of trying to act, I just want to be me even if that is ugly. I get tired of trying to be, trying to grow, trying to improve and increase stamina. I'm just on the verge of a tantrum.

Being happy is like a magnet. People like happy, they are drawn to it. People like positive. People like strong, and occasional comments trump a flow of conversation. I'm not happy, I'm very not fucking positive, not feeling to strong at all, and I wanna talk. I feel like I'm always waiting, like I have this higher worth, one that is never realized or valued. I was criticized constantly for slumming, but slumming sure as hell felt better than this.

People I wanted/meant to hang out with this week whom I never mentioned my intention to: Colin, Rikk, Slash/Tracy, Niki, Jodie, Tracie, your mom.

Comments

[djkangal.livejournal.com]

I want to be open, but doing so is odd, ugly, and drives people away.

I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about.

[sunnyfunny.livejournal.com]

I want to talk about everything, I want to be open, but doing so is odd, ugly, and drives people away.

Man, ain't that the truth. It's like every day is fucking opposite day. I'm so tired of people saying the exact opposite of what they mean, like when they preface a statement with "Honestly". Really? Did you need to qualify that because all your other statements are false?

I'm also tired of people who will offer unwanted advice. I should take their advice because *they're* so happy, when they're so plainly not? I can't stand people who try to be positive just so people will like them. If I'm going to be unhappy, I don't want to feel guilty for it on top of it. Let me be happy in my misery ;-P

Aristotle, cave, people in chains, lights flickering on the wall, shadows dancing on the floor, world waiting outside...... ignorance, bliss, etc.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Comiseration is bliss. I love a lover who hates the same things as me. Dysfunctional much?

I like the advice so long as they're ready for a hearty fuckyou if it's predictable and pointless.

[turbogrrl.livejournal.com]

I love a lover who hates the same things as me. Dysfunctional much?

No! This is perfectly sensible! Silly boy. Dear lord, imagine what life would be like if you *didn't* hate the same things!

[mreraser.livejournal.com]

"I want to talk about everything, I want to be open, but doing so is odd, ugly, and drives people away. I can pretend - I can be anything anyone wants, I can 'get in,' I can get anything I want...yay. But it's not me."

I don't consider it acting so much as once a person gets to know you, then they'll understand why you threw that kid off the roof at the age of 14. (Bad analogy, but I think you get the point.)


"I'm just on the verge of a tantrum."

Do it on the dance floor with your shirt off.


"People like positive. People like strong, and occasional comments trump a flow of conversation."

You need to hang out with more goths. No one likes positive :- )

[grymnir.livejournal.com]

the good thing about an "intent to hang out" is that it can be extended into an invitation at any point. I know a lot of us have been busy - but we also know this is true of yourself. Also...if someone were relentlessly positive, I think they would make my ears bleed.

Fear as a motivator

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Yes, that ear-bleeding is the effect.

I thought I'd spend the early part of my vacation catching up, but I'm pretty burnt so the work took far longer than expected. The one thing I did more of in the break was work out - a good thing, but now I'm not sure when I'll have social time at all before May 12 (my last exam).

[carpediem1970.livejournal.com]

My Mom told me you two did hang out. Where was she really?

[cweaselle.livejournal.com]

We discussed this. I think you need a vacation where you go away. You also need to eat lots of chocolate on this vacation. Dr. Michelle says so. ;p Oh, and quit pouting. You know you're too cute when you pout.

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Yooz a good doctah.

[cweaselle.livejournal.com]

Sure am. I'm not only Michelle PI, I'm Michelle MD.