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vicarzAn extremely unlikely meme:
Name your largest character and other flaws, and what you're doing to improve them:
Character flaws:
Greed - I have to force myself to donate to charity. I keep looking to the future as though I will someday help others. Every year I give about the same amount, despite increasing income. I know people with far less who do and give far more. I mock xtians but am I giving my tithe? I have the time and the means to make a bigger difference. Still, much of my drive, my discipline, is based on greed. The way I work this hard is at least in part based on greed. I think when I am 'comfortable' that I will do or give more, that it might not be wise to give now when I'm trying to accumulate. It is economically rational to consider donating later in life when the mountain is built. I have always been greedy - lying, stealing, comparing...it's not a trait that will disappear, but it is one I need to continue to work on to keep it from ruling me. I have to keep from letting my powers of post-hoc rationalization justify what I do without thinking.
Arrogance - I'm getting worse as I succeed at law school while working, and still continuing the gym. I still have a tendency to think I'm better than other people, despite many lessons teaching me the contrary. I know plenty who exceed me in every possible strength I possess, smarter, more disciplined, more fit, nicer, more socially adept, harder working, more considerate, more understanding... Even if my abilities were superior, that would only obligate me more to serve a greater good than to expect the world to give me more than it already had. Every gift is another obligation to repay. For some reason I've always felt and acted like a teenager - I expect something from the world. I am owed something - more - though I can point to no reason why. It takes conscious thought to hold that feeling in. That feeling does not stand up to a rational analysis.
Distance - I'm not sure if it's because of the above flaws, or because of negative experiences I've had in the past, but I don't get close to people. No one is ever so close that betrayal comes as a surprise. Like anyone I crave different types of intimacy, but I don't give it. I always think I will someday, but as time progresses it seems less likely. I feel like I genuinely share who I am, but that's not the same as giving a damn about anyone else. I need to keep pushing to appreciate individuals and not general groups of people - generalized affection rather than a type that could be a liability. I think the gains from letting people in would outweigh the pains in the short run. I mock people who are so socially retarded that they engage with cats and dogs rather than people, yet am I doing anything different? You follow the basic rules on the surface and get predictable reactions.
Strength - my social desires and needs drive me too much. I cringe at the socially desperate, yet I have similar needs even if I express them in different ways. Rather than spinning my wheels, I ought to focus on being more independent a majority of the time, defeat the NEED for people. While I'm too distant on the one hand, I'm too needy on the other. There is a difference between trying to wall yourself off and just defeating the hunger from the source.
Other flaws:
Flighty - difficulty focusing. I keep pointing to ADHD as something I've overcome, but it still takes me hours to focus. 25-50% of the time I spend 'studying' is really just start-up time. I look, I open the book, I lay out the plan, and I daydream. I keep catching myself drifting off, getting another glass of water, pulling up one more unrelated document, taking off on yet another tangent...so much time wasted suffering while putting off the task instead of just plugging through it.
Lack of discipline - I constantly credit myself with my workout program, yet I fail to study more advanced techniques and nutrition - what it would really take to drive me to a higher level. I may be fit, but I'm just doing good for a skinny pansy. I could do much more - I know I have the capability. Is it rational to tackle those goals while in law school?
Wrong type of discipline - when I do focus, I drive too hard. I confuse overcoming pain with accomplishing something. There are times a break is more productive in the long-run than sticking it out. I am having trouble knowing when to walk away, and when to work through it. I have this same problem in the gym - I will push myself past pain, only to injure something and set my program back even further.
When - I have all sorts of plans for things to improve about myself in the future, but constantly say I'm too busy to do it all today. If not today, when? Is it rational to stay focused and finish this insane time-consuming mission of a law degree while working, or am I just using it as an excuse to avoid the painful process of genuine growth?
Petty - I do sweat the small stuff. I let ego and aggravation haunt me when I should just let things go. Stay out of the rain, but don't bat an eyelash at the drizzle. Move on, and let it rest behind you.
I may edit this later but it's time to get ready and hit work. I just noticed the lack of 'what I'm doing to improve on them.' It's tucked in there, but not so clear. It's perhaps more honest this way - I think about the problems and address them as I see them, trying to think them through and change action based on my conclusions.
I'm not a very private person, but there are things I don't put in print. I'm not sure why I put things in public that most people consider private. I only really hide the outright horrible things, and of course those flagrantly illegal. I know of some pieces of why: putting them in public forces me to be honest with myself. I'm brutally honest with enough people that I get the same thing in return, so I will be called on wholly asinine rants. I do hope to inspire similar behavior in others - leading by example.
Funny how many people are so at ease to 'expose' themselves when in fact they show nothing about themselves at all. Naked is not intimate. Perhaps I'm just nuts, hopefully it's not just begging for attention. You never know, though that would be pathetic. I tend to think if it was just attention I wanted I'd wear less and flirt more in clubs. Any mammal can get a group of morons to fawn over them in a club.
That's all I can think of right now, and it's getting close to time to get ready for work. Now that I've been up all night I'm going to have a shitty day at work for 8 hours followed by a hellish 4 hours of class tonight. I'm too tired to demonstrate the requisite mens reas.
Come on, I fucking dare you. Even if you do, you won't be honest - you can't be honest with yourself - why would anyone expect you to be honest with anyone else?
Name your largest character and other flaws, and what you're doing to improve them:
Character flaws:
Greed - I have to force myself to donate to charity. I keep looking to the future as though I will someday help others. Every year I give about the same amount, despite increasing income. I know people with far less who do and give far more. I mock xtians but am I giving my tithe? I have the time and the means to make a bigger difference. Still, much of my drive, my discipline, is based on greed. The way I work this hard is at least in part based on greed. I think when I am 'comfortable' that I will do or give more, that it might not be wise to give now when I'm trying to accumulate. It is economically rational to consider donating later in life when the mountain is built. I have always been greedy - lying, stealing, comparing...it's not a trait that will disappear, but it is one I need to continue to work on to keep it from ruling me. I have to keep from letting my powers of post-hoc rationalization justify what I do without thinking.
Arrogance - I'm getting worse as I succeed at law school while working, and still continuing the gym. I still have a tendency to think I'm better than other people, despite many lessons teaching me the contrary. I know plenty who exceed me in every possible strength I possess, smarter, more disciplined, more fit, nicer, more socially adept, harder working, more considerate, more understanding... Even if my abilities were superior, that would only obligate me more to serve a greater good than to expect the world to give me more than it already had. Every gift is another obligation to repay. For some reason I've always felt and acted like a teenager - I expect something from the world. I am owed something - more - though I can point to no reason why. It takes conscious thought to hold that feeling in. That feeling does not stand up to a rational analysis.
Distance - I'm not sure if it's because of the above flaws, or because of negative experiences I've had in the past, but I don't get close to people. No one is ever so close that betrayal comes as a surprise. Like anyone I crave different types of intimacy, but I don't give it. I always think I will someday, but as time progresses it seems less likely. I feel like I genuinely share who I am, but that's not the same as giving a damn about anyone else. I need to keep pushing to appreciate individuals and not general groups of people - generalized affection rather than a type that could be a liability. I think the gains from letting people in would outweigh the pains in the short run. I mock people who are so socially retarded that they engage with cats and dogs rather than people, yet am I doing anything different? You follow the basic rules on the surface and get predictable reactions.
Strength - my social desires and needs drive me too much. I cringe at the socially desperate, yet I have similar needs even if I express them in different ways. Rather than spinning my wheels, I ought to focus on being more independent a majority of the time, defeat the NEED for people. While I'm too distant on the one hand, I'm too needy on the other. There is a difference between trying to wall yourself off and just defeating the hunger from the source.
Other flaws:
Flighty - difficulty focusing. I keep pointing to ADHD as something I've overcome, but it still takes me hours to focus. 25-50% of the time I spend 'studying' is really just start-up time. I look, I open the book, I lay out the plan, and I daydream. I keep catching myself drifting off, getting another glass of water, pulling up one more unrelated document, taking off on yet another tangent...so much time wasted suffering while putting off the task instead of just plugging through it.
Lack of discipline - I constantly credit myself with my workout program, yet I fail to study more advanced techniques and nutrition - what it would really take to drive me to a higher level. I may be fit, but I'm just doing good for a skinny pansy. I could do much more - I know I have the capability. Is it rational to tackle those goals while in law school?
Wrong type of discipline - when I do focus, I drive too hard. I confuse overcoming pain with accomplishing something. There are times a break is more productive in the long-run than sticking it out. I am having trouble knowing when to walk away, and when to work through it. I have this same problem in the gym - I will push myself past pain, only to injure something and set my program back even further.
When - I have all sorts of plans for things to improve about myself in the future, but constantly say I'm too busy to do it all today. If not today, when? Is it rational to stay focused and finish this insane time-consuming mission of a law degree while working, or am I just using it as an excuse to avoid the painful process of genuine growth?
Petty - I do sweat the small stuff. I let ego and aggravation haunt me when I should just let things go. Stay out of the rain, but don't bat an eyelash at the drizzle. Move on, and let it rest behind you.
I may edit this later but it's time to get ready and hit work. I just noticed the lack of 'what I'm doing to improve on them.' It's tucked in there, but not so clear. It's perhaps more honest this way - I think about the problems and address them as I see them, trying to think them through and change action based on my conclusions.
I'm not a very private person, but there are things I don't put in print. I'm not sure why I put things in public that most people consider private. I only really hide the outright horrible things, and of course those flagrantly illegal. I know of some pieces of why: putting them in public forces me to be honest with myself. I'm brutally honest with enough people that I get the same thing in return, so I will be called on wholly asinine rants. I do hope to inspire similar behavior in others - leading by example.
Funny how many people are so at ease to 'expose' themselves when in fact they show nothing about themselves at all. Naked is not intimate. Perhaps I'm just nuts, hopefully it's not just begging for attention. You never know, though that would be pathetic. I tend to think if it was just attention I wanted I'd wear less and flirt more in clubs. Any mammal can get a group of morons to fawn over them in a club.
That's all I can think of right now, and it's getting close to time to get ready for work. Now that I've been up all night I'm going to have a shitty day at work for 8 hours followed by a hellish 4 hours of class tonight. I'm too tired to demonstrate the requisite mens reas.
Come on, I fucking dare you. Even if you do, you won't be honest - you can't be honest with yourself - why would anyone expect you to be honest with anyone else?
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no subject
Date: 2005-02-17 12:41 pm (UTC)The most important (to me) quality that you possess is integrity. The reason I think this is the most important is because the flaws that you may/may not have are common. Integrity allows you to recognize them, own up to them, and to an extent work past them. You may not have overcome them, but who ever really does. It's like that trite saying "courage isn't being fearless, it's being able to face your fears." IE, maybe you're greedy, but you still force yourself to give, maybe you're not 100% of your physical potential, but you're 1000% better off than most people, etc.
Lest you think I'm stroking (heh) your ego, I'll tell you that I *do* think you're harshest on yourself; that's nothing you didn't already know, though, and I think it's what drives you.
I think people are the most interesting amalgram of their past, present, and future. The contention between nature vs. nuture has always held the most interest for me. I think that you stand out as one of the most interesting studies I've found on LJ ;-)
What I am, is a fucking twinki!
Date: 2005-02-17 01:03 pm (UTC)That's a good point - good comparison of fault to bravery, for without fear there can be no bravery. Without greed then, there can be no kindness.
I am really harsh on myself. People who know me well understand my super-harsh critcism much better because they typically understand that my inner-dialogue would kill most people at 20 paces.
I spin around the nature/nurture issue a lot.
I'm a study, here in my LCD petri dish ;)
*sexual reference to cream in the middle*
Date: 2005-02-18 06:43 am (UTC)Yeah, my inner dialogue is a huge whirlwind, in that it's chaotic and pretty much circular. I say I'm indecisive, but only in that I will consider all points of all option many times, but I usually go with my gut instinct, whether or not it's the most reasonable one.
I think it’s funny how generalizations generally piss most people off. I mean that it is human nature to group and categorize things. It’s how we learn, how we remember, and how we relate to new things and experiences. It’s part of what makes the human brain so efficient. Granted, trying to fit something (esp people) into a schema without taking into account its unique qualities is usually a bad idea, but there are reasons that stereotypes exist; because enough people posses similar characteristics to be lumped into a group. Man, I’m not gonna lie… I’m Asian *and* female and I can’t drive worth a shit!!!
Re: *sexual reference to cream in the middle*
Date: 2005-02-18 11:12 am (UTC)Aw!? Yeah, but you're allowed to make fun of stereotypes when you're a memeber of the class!
Re: What I am, is a fucking twinki!
Date: 2005-06-09 04:20 am (UTC)Small Wonder..
P.S.
Date: 2005-02-17 12:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-02-17 02:07 pm (UTC)My list was long so I added it to my journal;)
no subject
Date: 2005-02-17 04:02 pm (UTC)OK, meme: I'm lazy, fat and I drink too much. I'm drinking less and exercising more. And I think I'm nearly always honest with myself.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-17 06:13 pm (UTC)Um, I usually at least partially mean the generalizations I make. It's hard to address exactly what you mean with something so vague, though.
Memes as I understand them...oh I wasn't asking for people to put their stuff here, I forgot to give that "Put this in your LJ" stuff. I wasn't really meaning this was a meme thingy - just kind of thinking out loud and making fun of memes.
I don't even know if that is pronouced Mee-mee, or Meem.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-17 04:45 pm (UTC)Since I have about 2 dozen or so other flaws, I'll spare you. It's probably best saved for an in person conversation where you can enjoy my witty sarcasm and facial expressions as I describe why I'm so lame. Perhaps we'll chat when I get my boots.....