I'm in a foul fucking mood

[vicarz]

I don't suppose the sinus infection or the lack of sleep caused by the drugs I'm taking have anything to do with it. I'm about as wired as Denis Leary, but rather than whine I’ll kick your fucking head in. I’m down to 3-4 hours of sleep a night now, and I can’t seem to nap.

I’m feeling really dejected about people – I don’t get along with them. I try to, but they’re either ‘too good for me,’ or I don’t like them or their company for some reason. It’s sad that I’m a bit spoiled for spending so much time alone, to the point that being around other people is an annoyance. Feeling alone makes me angry, being angry make me shove away the few friends I have and really tear into everyone else, which makes me well worth avoiding, and so the circle continues.

When I was younger I would have been happy just not to be laughed at. Now I have loftier desires, but still not being an object of ridicule might be a more realistic approach.

It’s annoying that you need circles of friends and good social skills to be good at anything. I want to box, but you can’t learn to box by practicing alone. Our best fighters have circles of friends who train together. Weight lifters train together. There are plenty of solo geeks in the gym, and I’m one of them. Ever seen those dorks, from Bill Nye looking speed walkers to creepy old men – I see them all. I’m one, though I’m a bit young for the creepy guy syndrome. I’m in the gym a lot, not doing bad, but I’m not uber anything and I’m always notably alone. I love fighting as an idea. Unfortunately the idea for me is that I can actually do something about the morons around me who don’t understand a goddamn thing you tell them. It’s nice to know that when logic and reason fail, you can beat them into a bloody pulp. Still, this isn’t the same as winning an argument or changing a view – and there is always someone better than you, especially when you weigh 140.

Work is 80% who you know. Productivity is nice, but you have to be in the circle to get anywhere.

Failure socially is failure in life.

Comments

[saffronruby.livejournal.com]

Old OLD man trapped in a young man's body......That would be by diagnosis;op

[ashbet]

:/

I guess the one thing I can volunteer is that I've felt this way before (as has Kyle/aeporia), and it did eventually pass . . . for me, the key was doing some *different* things, away from my usual circle of friends, that were both mentally stimulating and physically challenging . . . then I felt less frustrated with who *I* was, so I could not only be nicer to my existing friends, I made some new ones in the process, too . . .

-- Andi

Why?

[eloquentwthrage.livejournal.com]

Boxing is a barberic act of violence costumed in the guise of a sport. It is illegal to beat a man, let alone into submission or stupor, so how and why is it sanctioned under the law?

Re: Why?

[vicar.livejournal.com]

Most people I know who study fighting are those that don't like it. I don't like fighting, but I also don't like being subject to the whims of people larger than myself - which is most everyone. I know all too well how you are treated when you cannot defend yourself, and do not intend to be in that predicament ever again. What protects us, laws? This country as a whole isn't even concerned with international law - and internally things are worse.

Well, it turns out to be incredible exercise too, but that's not what inspires most people that I know of.

Re: Why?

[eloquentwthrage.livejournal.com]

I have no problem with the study of martial arts or defensive fighting. But boxing is the deliberate offensive battery. I don't get that at all.

What do you mean, how you are treated when you can't defend yourself?

[dodogrrl.livejournal.com]

What's so terrible about being an object of ridicule? C'mon, at our advanced ages we can be mocked by 13-year-olds just for having Live Journal accounts, let alone any attempts at fashion or coolth. Life is too fucking short tocare that much about other people's opinions.